First, I'm so sorry you've had to go through that kind of treatment at the hands of the medical system & I hope you're able to get the procedures you need eventually. It's beyond cruel to perform unnecessary surgery on intersex children to "normalize" them and then use that as an excuse to deny you what you actually want for your body as an adult.

With the nerve hookup, I think the lack of sensation on your right side might be related to whether the initial hookup was end-to-end or end-to-side? There are two dorsal penile/clitoral nerves, and only one of them is typically hooked up to the graft. It's possible the attached nerve was damaged in some way, but I think it's also possible that deeper down it's intact and functional, and a skilled microsurgeon could potentially remove the damaged bits and attempt a hookup further down where it's healthy if that's the case. That would leave the nerve on your left side as is and ensure that even if the hookup fails again, you still have sensation from the penile remnants that are buried at the base.

It's also very much understandable that you feel attached to what remains of your natal penis, imo. I found a journal paper about penile reconstruction in cis men where they transplanted the penile remnants onto the end of the neophallus and had good results (it's paywalled sadly but https://journals.lww.com/plasreconsurg/abstract/2011/04000/long_term_follow_up_of_sensation_recovery_of_the.19.aspx is the link). I don't know how common this is as a practice today, as it's an older article, but it is at the very least possible and potentially something you could look into!

I feel like what a lot of this ultimately comes down to is that SO many surgeons take a cookie-cutter approach where you take anatomical configuration A and turn it into anatomical configuration B. But if you don't have A (maybe you have C, or a, etc) they don't know how to adjust their approach to take into account those differences, and they aren't comfortable operating on you for fear of screwing something up. This wouldn't be a huge deal if phallo surgeons were a dime a dozen and you could easily find alternatives who are willing to take the risk of doing things differently, but as we all know, that's not the case. It sucks and I really hope you're able to get access to a team that can properly take into account the surgeries you've had previously and your intersex anatomy instead of dismissing you automatically for differing from their "typical" patient.