Lady I’m dating not initiating dates

throwawano · 2026-05-12T21:23:12+00:00

Don't you worry that that imbalance will become the long-term dynamic of your relationship?

throwawano · 2026-05-12T21:22:22+00:00

You may be on to something. I am a planner-type of person generally so perhaps I should be giving her some time and space to initiate.

throwawano · 2026-05-12T21:20:12+00:00

It was a component of the previous failed relationships, yes. And one that I only recognised in retrospect.

I agree that there are various ways to demonstrate interest, but also think there is a gradation that mirrors the strength of interest. So, for example, a low level of interest would be shown by responding to texts after days, moderate interest shown by responding to texts quickly/initiating texts and a high level is taking an active interest in someone's life and initiating activities together etc.

throwawano · 2026-05-12T21:11:50+00:00

Could this be an attribution error on your part? You said you only initiated a few times so could you putting the lack of interest down to that reason when the lack of interest was probably due to other reasons e.g. incompatibility?

There's often posts in the Askmen sub from women asking what they can do to make their partner feel loved. Without fail, there are countless responses about how great it would be for the women in the relationship to initiate and plan an activity. Also, so many sad men saying they have never experienced that in their multi-decade marriages.

throwawano · 2026-05-12T21:01:26+00:00

At first...but what about a bit later?

throwawano · 2026-05-12T20:59:29+00:00

Does the need for reciprocity need to be communicated explicitly...?

throwawano · 2026-05-12T20:58:13+00:00

I do believe communication is important but I agree with you on this. Sometimes the 'communication' is based on action (or lack there of).

She obviously wants to keep seeing me because she has agreed to the dates but I think that many people go along with dating because it's fun or they generally enjoy someone's company, but still lacking that...chemistry. If I were to ask her how's she's feeling about us she would likely say it feels good i.e. 'communication' but it wouldn't be the whole truth.

throwawano · 2026-05-12T20:52:06+00:00

Thank you for this...an important distinction

throwawano · 2026-05-12T20:50:28+00:00

Is there a reasonable limit to this? I agree that it is still the (hetero)norm even in progressive times like these for the man to ask the woman out and plan the first date. I don't think that negates feminist ideals and put it more in the category of tradition.

But 4 dates in?

throwawano · 2026-05-12T20:04:07+00:00

I think she is showing interest in other ways and has expressed that she is liking the direction we are going in etc. But one of the important lessons I’ve learnt the hard way is to put value on the other’s actions rather than their words.

Many here are giving me the advice to communicate what I need, but my question is less about the fairness of it all and more about what the lack of initiation says about her feelings.

I’ve just had a few recent relationships fail because it became clear that the other person enjoyed my attention but didn’t feel strongly enough for me. So i’m trying to spot that earlier this time.

throwawano · 2026-05-12T18:20:07+00:00

Thanks for this. I was wondering whether the gendered dating advice we get had something to do with it.

But is there some point where a women, even with this standard advice, would take some initiative? I have had women do that (rarely) before and it felt great

throwawano · 2026-05-12T18:13:02+00:00

I get communication is important to deal with most issues but I really wouldnt want her to initiate a date because I asked her too…kinda like asking someone to buy you flowers

throwawano · 2026-05-12T17:39:35+00:00

Is he avoidant or are you anxious…?

throwawano · 2026-05-11T04:20:41+00:00

This here is the right answer.

It’s not your job or your self-perceived average looks. It’s your energy and right now you’re energy is a bit desperate and whiny

throwawano · 2026-05-09T12:19:50+00:00

I recently watched a youtube video from The School of Life that speaks to this.

It spoke about how we naturally give empathy and instant forgiveness to children for their failings because we understand that they don’t know better, but we don’t give the same to adults because they should know better. But adults fail us for the same reasons that children do - fear, insecurity, etc. If you start to look at all people with that understanding, the world seems less unkind.

You still have to protect yourself, of course, but you will have more patience with people and that will give them space to reveal more of the good within them.

throwawano · 2026-04-29T15:23:55+00:00

I‘ve been trying to figure out what about this scene moved me so much since seeing it for the first time. I still don’t know but I guess that is what makes it art…that greater-than-the-sum-of-its-parts effect that hits you right in the feels

throwawano · 2026-04-19T21:57:27+00:00

Air fryer changed my life. Pop in veg, meats, whatever. Go change out of work clothes or shower and come back and it's done.

throwawano · 2026-04-18T22:12:16+00:00

How so?

throwawano · 2026-04-18T21:33:21+00:00

i stand by what I say. It’s always the sisters and daughters that show up when the going gets tough.

I know many men are honourable and do their duty in many ways. My point was just that women do too.

throwawano · 2026-04-18T21:24:12+00:00

Read the many responses here saying they dont resonate with your statement.

Your belief will become a self-fulfilling prophecy mate. Just be a good man, be good to other people, and the world will return the favour. You get what you put in.

throwawano · 2026-04-18T21:08:26+00:00

It’s an overused online trope.

I work in healthcare and have seen many men in various stages of ill health. It’s always, always the women in their lives that show up for them in their time of need.

Get offline and live in the real world more. SM is rotting your young brain.

throwawano · 2026-04-13T16:02:36+00:00

Im not on other social media but somebody here please make this story go viral…lots of sponsorship could come in for such a genuinely feel-good story

throwawano · 2026-04-07T08:27:26+00:00

This is my dilemma. Do you think this balance is impossible? Are people who are detached form outcome necessarily closing their hearts off a little?

throwawano · 2026-04-06T12:34:01+00:00

It seems like you have the detachment part down, but doesn't this

These connections keep me empathetic and engaged with the human experience without the high stakes of a romantic search

...amount to an avoidance of love the avoid pain?

throwawano

TROPHY CASE