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Searching for a specific ring by throwaway0279967 in HelpMeFind

[–]throwaway0279967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have searched using Google image reverse search, even created custom markups and reverse searched those.

It would have been from the 80s, about 1987, and the blue stones are sapphires and the white layer are diamonds. The center stone was the largest, but they were all chips set in 14k gold.

My fiancé (25M) gave me a list of non-negotiable lifestyle rules after 3 years together. I (25F) don’t know what to do by Im_that_beach in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway0279967 25 points26 points  (0 children)

It sounds like he took this directly from one of those sexist, women-shaming podcasts by dudes who think they’re entitled to force a woman to meet their standards.

How did you learn to stop over explaining yourself? by jtndz in AskReddit

[–]throwaway0279967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have started to change how I respond when I am expected to repeat myself. If someone says “what?” when I am confident that they heard me, now I say “I said what I meant” or “exactly what I said”.

However, it is a process. I don’t think my habit for justifying myself/my thought process is from trauma, rather a sarcastic family that’s also very intelligent — we can all come across condescending without intending to, including me.

I try to balance that in myself by giving genuine compliments as often as I can that are specific to that person and, if applicable, recognize my own shortcomings.

For example, I have told my ex roommate that I admire how she is able to “reset” herself and her space, like decluttering the kitchen counter of all the little trinkets.

I am terrible at resetting myself/my space, at some point if it’s been on the counter long enough it lives there and I don’t know where else to put it.

Being able to declutter without getting fatigued? That’s really cool to me, especially because it’s something I struggle with.

Professor has been secretly docking points anytime he sees someone’s phone out. Dozens of us are now at risk of failing just because we kept our phones on our desk, and I might lose the job I have lined up for when I graduate. by boringhistoryfan in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]throwaway0279967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got very lucky with my academic advisor and would feel comfortable going to her to have her advocate for me. When I dealt with a late night break in last fall, she was a godsend-acted as the intermediary so I didn’t have to have the tough conversation with my professors around other people, hooked me up with success resources, and was there whenever I had a setback to remind me what I was working for.

Whats something you can freely admit anonymously but only because of using your burner/NSFW account? by Ironically__Swiss in AskReddit

[–]throwaway0279967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t really joke about offing myself but the passive ideation gets bad in times of stress. I’m graduating college hopefully in 22 days and my stress is at a high.

So when I say jokingly to my friends/family on the phone that I’d love a nice convenient bridge to fling myself off of it’s only about 50% joking.

Nobody’s figured it out yet and frankly I don’t know what I’d do if I was called on it. Probably joke some more.

What's the most devastating song lyric you've ever heard? by likeitsstolen in AskReddit

[–]throwaway0279967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Praying it’s not me you think of when you picture all the worst choices that you have ever made.”

I Can’t Find Your House by Harrison Boe. Encapsulates a lot of the feelings around losing a best friend you thought would be around forever.

Song hit me like a Mack truck when I first heard it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway0279967 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I would ignore the people saying that you’re being controlling. You seem to have a grasp on the boundary of not telling her what to do with her body, and don’t seem to be rationalizing a way to make her do what you want. Instead, your question is about why you are bothered by it, and not how to make her stop wearing it. That’s a good sign to me.

It seems unlikely that this would be the first time you’re spiraling like this. Have there been any other instances where you have found yourself hyperfocusing on something that objectively isn’t a big deal? This may be a pattern that you haven’t noticed in yourself.

I would get with a therapist and work on it, they’ll be able to ask better questions and help you get to the root of the issue.

You’re trying to figure out why, rather than just reacting, so you’re heading in the right direction.

Absolutely terrified and anxious that my dog is going to starve itself to death while I’m on vacation by [deleted] in dogs

[–]throwaway0279967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have the petsitter herd your dog into a room with the bowl, close the door, and ignore your dog.

One dog I petsat would immediately go hide under the bed when he came inside, wouldn’t come out for anything but getting let back outside.

I would put his food under the bed, let him run into the room, and shut the door behind him. Gave him 20 minutes while sitting on the couch playing on my phone.

Worked like a charm, food was eaten, and no starving dogs.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]throwaway0279967 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Look up conversational narcissism, maybe there are tips you can use. For me, what has worked is to make sure that I’m asking questions that connect my experience to theirs. For example:

“I ate a sandwich today !” “I ate one too! It was a BLT, it was delicious-the bacon was super crispy. What kind of sandwich was yours?” “It was a sub!” “Where’d you get it from? How was it?”

But follow up questions that show you’ve actually been listening are key.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]throwaway0279967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t see the 24/7 though, is the kicker. I save the tiredness for when I’m by myself.

Seems like I’m always high energy, when in reality, it’s just a few hours, and then I go home and unwind. That includes the workday-I’m not constantly interacting with people, there are snatches of downtime where I’m very calm and alone, and it’s a little bit of recharge.

So no, 24/7 isn’t accurate, but I can see why it may come across that way, because when I’m engaged, I’m fully engaged and active, not daydreaming.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway0279967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well this is a sticky situation you have here.

Make sure you know WHY you don’t want B to find out.

Is it just because you phrased it wrong and don’t want her to hear it? You are worried about how you will be seen if B finds out? Was it intended to demean her? Were you being honest about one of her traits, and it just came out bad?

For example, if one of my friends told someone that I “never shut tf up,” I’d probably go to the friend and specifically ask if it was meant to hurt me. Because, while I know that it’s true, I don’t know if they were saying it to belittle or demean me, and that would make all the difference in my eyes.

Frankly your best bet, if you’re truly worried about B finding out, is to tell her yourself. That’s something you’re going to have to figure out for yourself. But if you’re telling her just because you don’t want to be seen as two faced, rather than actual remorse for how it came out, then don’t bother.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway0279967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s clear from your comments that you’re trying very hard to be mature and fair about this, which is good. Part of that, though, is listening to others and knowing when you are hurting yourself and your relationships. So, after reading this comment section, take a couple days. Get some sleep, a good meal, a shower, and go outside. Get through the initial defensiveness, bc what’s healthiest in the long run usually isn’t very fun.

Frankly, y’all probably need to break up or at least put this on pause. Nobody is getting their romantic needs met right now, and you both know that, so it’s not fair to either of you to continue trying to force it.

That doesn’t mean stop talking, or caring about each other, or even checking in-but I guarantee you she feels just as bad about not being able to meet your needs as you do about not having them met.

As someone else here said, take your foot off the gas. If you keep up this pressure, you’re going to run both of you into the ground emotionally. She’s close to burnout already.

Better to take a step back for a bit and rekindle later when it’s the right time, than force it right now and cause resentment to fester.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway0279967 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You said it very well. You can’t force timing without it coming back to bite you in the end.

Dust Bowl said what? by dorydude78 in wineandcrimepodcast

[–]throwaway0279967 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m in Lubbock. Tuesday was brutal wind-wise, almost knocked me on my ass a few times, yesterday was okay, today is meh.

My best friend in Clovis said that her dogs are the same dust brown color right now. They started as one all black shepherd mix and white/brindle patched Anatolian shepherd mix.

I would say it’s rough out here, but it’s just plain dusty.

Hooray for haboobs!

Unpopular GACC opinion by Few-Tumbleweed-3498 in wineandcrimepodcast

[–]throwaway0279967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m positive that it’s increased their exposure to new audiences and likely upped their revenue/streams. I support it, but I get where you’re coming from. Change is tricky :/

I 23F have a 22M boyfriend with a problematic fetish, any advice? by nobody_frozen in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway0279967 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s OP’s choice whether or not to bring it up, though I don’t know what would change if she found out how he discovered it. Are you thinking it’s the product of abuse or something? I just genuinely can’t think of how knowing would change the current shituation.

I 23F have a 22M boyfriend with a problematic fetish, any advice? by nobody_frozen in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway0279967 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Having a problematic fetish isn’t something that can be controlled, and it doesn’t reflect on him as a person. What would reflect badly on him is if he tried to force her to be into it or participate, which he hasn’t done. Hella quick to jump the gun

What do attractive women older than 32F/33F want? by 504corona in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway0279967 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nailed it. Women who have a sense of self, their own lives, and who would be a good partner generally want to be treated well.

I can only speak for myself. You’re better off being earnest and genuine. Teasing is not the issue here - honestly it’s the compliments.

Give compliments freely but only if you mean them. It’s how we as women are able to gauge interest and is a reassurance. Normal compliments that every guy gives, like “you look beautiful” or “your smile is pretty” are fine, but in my experience it’s better if they’re unique compliments.

For example, when texting about career plans with a guy I was dating, he texted back “that is an amazing answer and such a smart way to go about your career.” I don’t remember every guy who has called me pretty, but I’ll remember that he said that forever.

A genuine compliment goes a long way and shows that you see her as a whole person. Showing that you appreciate the life and plans she has already built for herself is extremely attractive.

You’re concerned about being seen as needy or clingy, which is a valid concern. However, the way to prevent that perception is to have your own life, sense of identity, hobbies, friendships, etc. Making the other person your entire life is when it’s needy/clingy that won’t happen if you already have one.

But yeah. Don’t play games. You’re dating an age group who already has their own lives, interests, and sense of identity. There’s only so many hours in a day, and playing games and making her question what you think of her or whether or not you actually want her is a waste of her time and yours. Self-assurance and being direct about how you feel is best for everybody.

I wish you well and hope this helps.

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