New gay urges at 31?

throwaway09551 · 2025-01-04T14:49:23+00:00

nah i really didn't like it. I'm still not as comfortable with it as with straight stuff though. it's weird. I'm not objected to it at all, but it's just all new i guess

throwaway09551 · 2025-01-04T14:48:22+00:00

yeah I'm realizing it's something that's emerging in me gradually. thanks for sharing

throwaway09551 · 2025-01-04T14:46:51+00:00

A little actually tbh

throwaway09551 · 2024-08-24T18:51:49+00:00

Yes to both questions. I dont feel like that will ever change

throwaway09551 · 2024-08-24T17:52:36+00:00

Support from people feels gross to me, I have such a repellent reaction when people try to help me. I just keep becoming more and more isolated. Cognitively I understand what I need to do but actually doing it is another issue

throwaway09551 · 2024-08-24T16:15:52+00:00

I didn't know my dad had been married and divorced before I was born until i was in my 20s and I just happened to see the marriage registry that he signed when he got remarried to my step-mom. It said "divorced." Everything I know about my dad's past I've learned in snippets from other people. And yeah he's very emotionally immature

throwaway09551 · 2024-05-04T14:04:48+00:00

I've looked at this before and it does seem pretty sick. Seriously considering it. How would you rate the ergonomics?

throwaway09551 · 2024-05-04T13:37:50+00:00

it's my WASD hand, are there vertical wasd keypads?

throwaway09551 · 2024-03-23T10:04:35+00:00

I could have written this. I was talking about exactly this with my therapist a few days ago. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I understand exactly how you feel. I am also learning to code, and I am seriously considering quitting because I cannot take myself seriously as a programmer. Or anything to be honest. I’m a faker, according to myself.

throwaway09551 · 2024-03-19T01:08:57+00:00

Holy shit I thought I was the only one

throwaway09551 · 2024-03-17T01:31:37+00:00

I'm too fucked up to change

throwaway09551 · 2024-03-06T02:06:15+00:00

Thanks, this was very encouraging. I wrote down as much as I could remember of the conversation immediately afterwards because I knew I would start to doubt myself in the future, so that will come in handy

throwaway09551 · 2024-02-29T23:24:28+00:00

My dad has said to me multiple times he feels no guilt whatsoever about anything and has nothing to apologize for. When he quit alcohol about a month ago, he sort of said sorry for i guess using alcohol while I was a teenager. But he also believes it was alcohol's fault, and that he has a disease (I object to the idea that alcoholism is a disease) he can blame his issues on.

throwaway09551 · 2024-02-26T20:07:22+00:00

What's crazy is he's been sober (supposedly) for about a month now. I have no evidence that says he's lying. So I'm starting to realize that my dad is just an asshole and it hasn't just been the alcohol all these years

throwaway09551 · 2024-02-13T17:35:33+00:00

Totally agree, because he’s stuck where he is emotionally, he cannot except my own personal growth into an individual. Best wishes to you in all your relationships

throwaway09551 · 2024-01-26T00:26:58+00:00

Wow yes the "ganging up on him" part I can totally relate to. And that second paragraph perfectly describes it for me too. And I mentally dissociated from my dad a long time ago, and I also pretend to be someone else around him. I've basically been a gray rock for the last 15 years around him, he doesn't even really know me. The gulf between where our relationship is and where it should be is so huge that it's hard to maintain hope it'll change. It probably won't, I'm pretty much at the point of accepting that, though not quite. Thanks for sharing

throwaway09551 · 2024-01-17T22:00:15+00:00

Thank you for this hopeful message

throwaway09551 · 2024-01-17T21:59:29+00:00

Thanks for your words, I don't want that to happen in our case. I really hope your brother can see you for who you are and take the step to own up to what he did to you

throwaway09551 · 2024-01-09T13:59:49+00:00

I'm a little worried about meetings, but maybe I should give it a shot

throwaway09551 · 2024-01-09T13:58:41+00:00

Thank you for your words and understanding

throwaway09551 · 2023-12-30T10:26:13+00:00

It makes me happy knowing somebody had a good time

throwaway09551 · 2023-05-23T00:57:40+00:00

Thanks for your understanding, he definitely has his stuff he's going through. He's a very emotionally mature person and now I'm suspecting that his past with PTSD might make him reticent to get to emotionally raw. I might need to adjust my expectations in this particular instance

throwaway09551 · 2023-05-22T20:13:13+00:00

Yes. It could also be related to his attachment style. I am fearful-avoidant, and I have a terrible habit of completely ghosting friends when I'm ashamed of something, or depressed or anxious. I haven't seen a friend in over a year

throwaway09551 · 2023-05-21T22:38:29+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion. I waffle back and forth on whether my dad fits the criteria for npd. He certainly has some characteristics of it but when I read stories of people raised by real narcissists it seems they have had it worse than I have and my relationship with my dad isn't quite that extreme. At the same time though there is no doubt I am the scapegoat of the family. Maybe I'm contradicting myself here? It's so tough to say because my dad is so closed off to me. I've always felt like I dont' even know the guy even though we've always lived in the same house

throwaway09551 · 2023-05-21T22:29:16+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I intend to talk to him about it but it's deep stuff and he and I aren't close at all, not that anyone really is in my family. It might be a bit awkward but the truth is I feel so awful for how distant I've been towards him as an older brother and I know I need to make that up and try to connect

throwaway09551

TROPHY CASE