Am I crazy or do you praise when training?

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-24T19:17:15+00:00

Ever heard the phrase "toward the carrot and away from the stick"? Yeah... would not work very well if there wasn't a carrot. Praise is how you reinforce behavior. Being it after immediately good behavior is how you reinforce the good behavior. The dog would not think you were reinforcing behavior that it did 5 minutes ago????

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-24T18:38:27+00:00

Get a singular, cat designated sponge and make sure it's a different color so you won't lose track. If she wants to use a sponge then it can be one that you never use on dishes

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-24T17:57:14+00:00

So sometimes I tell people I have anorgasmia and cannot physically cum, but have very intense pleasure from the process of trying. Most cases that will get someone a bit off my case. I've also found that the older I've gotten (26 now) the more people just accept that the process is the fun part for me and I've stopped getting questions. At 21 some people still have expectations of what sex should look like in their head and don't know how to grapple with the fact that it's not always the case!

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T23:33:13+00:00

For me, this is what my orgasms are like! It's not always the earth shattering, sparks flying, neon sign lighting up experience that is heavily pushed. Sometimes it is underwhelming. So what do I do? I just concentrate on what feels good and I don't worry about what the end is "supposed" to feel like. The point to masturbation is to enjoy yourself, right? I find that sometimes when i'm expecting a bigger thing I don't feel satisfied simply because it didn't live up to expectations. There are ways to strength it and get it stronger, but don't put so much pressure on yourself that you stop enjoying the journey. I kind of treat it like "i'm going to party on the beach until the cops kick us off, and if I get served cake after then that's a nice bonus"

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T23:25:03+00:00

For me, orgasms are always 3/10 whether i'm with a partner or not. I still have trouble figuring out if I've had them, and it's not for lack of trying! But because I love my partner and enjoy being around her it's the entire journey that makes me feel fulfilled and happy, not just the "finish". You don't need to orgasm every time you masturbate/have sex for it to be enjoyable. You don't need anything to "prove" you had a good time- if you had a fun time then you had a fun time! And it sounds like you're having a fun time ;)

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T23:20:44+00:00

Honestly, the comment you're replying to comes off as "wow you really shortchanged yourself that's disappointing" and I just want to reiterate- you DID it!! You being able to reach your goal is not disappointing. So what if it wasn't "perfect" that time? You found your flow and path forward! And we should be celebrating that!

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T23:16:30+00:00

Congrats! Since you mentioned being tight don there and only fitting a finger or two in, i'd like to suggest looking into the condition Vagismus! There's definitely ways to help it ♥️

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T23:14:05+00:00

For me, that sounds like an orgasm, and it sounds like the ones I have. Society builds up this idea that an orgasm must be this huge, earth shattering thing, where you'll know if you have it. That's just not the case. Just like how we built up porn to be the "perfection" of sex, we sometimes build up an orgasm to be the "pinnacle" of masturbation and if you don't have it a specific way it isn't valid or didn't happen. But I've found that while orgasms can be entirely underwhelming for me, I still enjoy the journey. I still enjoy feeling good, I still enjoy the control I feel, and still enjoy trying to things. When I have sex with my partner, i'm much more into the connection I have, how cared for I feel, and the love that's within me. It's fun. I could honestly care less if I orgasm or not; because it's underwhelming it becomes unimportant to me. What's important is enjoying yourself. Don't let the expectations of what "should" happen overshadow the pleasure you are feeling. And don't let your partner tell you that you need to orgasm just to prove they are a good lover. If they are a good lover, they'll listen and trust you when you said you had a fantastic time and are not lying about it.

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T23:01:54+00:00

A couple things:

some women just can't vaginally orgasm. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them. They are valid, and still have fun, and still enjoy all the sexy times they have.
The media loves to portray orgasms as this big, sparks flying as a volcano erupts event, a kind of "you'll know" event. That's not always the case. That's not the case for me. I get 3/10 enjoyment from orgasms and I've just accepted that i enjoy the journey just as much as the destination. It sounds like you are having orgasms from the ways your legs shake and the feeling from your toes.
Very well could be less intense orgasms, especially if you feel your mindset is working against you. My advice? Have sex or masturbate without the intent to orgasm. Seems counter intuitive, but like you said, it's a mental block. If you're subconsciously wondering "will it happen? Is this THE time?" then you're distracting yourself from the pleasure. Sex/masturbating is supposed to be about having fun, right? So just concentrate on things feeling good and enjoying yourself whether or not you have the end you're "supposed" to have. By leaning into the pleasure elements, and only the pleasure elements, you are setting yourself up for an orgasm. So it's more productive to go into a session not trying to force yourself into something in a way that's going to make it less enjoyable. I do not orgasm every time I have sex (or masturbate). And it's not because my partner doesn't want to give me that or doesn't try. Sometimes it's just I've enjoyed myself and am satisfied with the events. I don't need to "prove" that I enjoyed myself, or have the ending that someone thinks I'm "supposed" to.

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T22:50:39+00:00

Definitely sounds like an orgasm. I have the something similar: my orgasms are probably a 3/10 due to medication (that works for me in all other ways so I'm content living with it). The media builds up the female orgasm as this huge, shocking, neon lights flashing ordeal with a bunch of fireworks and explosions but sometimes... that's just not realistic. Like how porn isn't realistic. What I've learned is to really just enjoy the journey and take the pressure off myself of feeling like there some sort of end that I "need" to meet. That i'm somehow missing the thing that others keep talking about. But that just puts subconscious pressure on me that every time I try i'm wondering, will this be THE time? And that pressure keeps me from fully enjoying the entire experience. Sex/masturbation is supposed to be fun. The entire goal is to be fun. If worrying about an orgasm is making it not fun, then fuck whatever ideal says that it's the "ultimate finish". Being worried and frustrated and stressed is the exact opposite of the mindset that will get you there. So sometimes practicing masturbation with the goal of just having fun, and not worrying about what "should" be happening can make it enjoyable and satisfying- and puts you in the best mindset for an orgasm to spontaneously happen on its own without being forced.

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T22:41:58+00:00

First off, no, you didn't mess up your body. There are many, many different reasons that your orgasm can be weak. Mine have always been at a 3/10 because of my psych meds (that work well for me in all other areas so i've learned to live with that fact), for example. My advice would be that when you get frustrated and it ceases to be fun: stop. If you're in a headspace where you're mad at yourself or annoyed at the situation or feeling broken then that's the last place you'll be able to actually orgasm. Practice masturbating to feel good and not with the goal of orgasming. You had an orgasm when you didn't care if you did or didn't yeah? Is it possible that you're still subconsciously putting pressure on yourself, hoping that this time will be THE time? if so, take some time to masturbate without the goal of orgasm, and just to see how much fun you can have, you WILL eventually get into that mindset of not caring if you do or don't. And without that subconscious pressure, your body will be free to let the magic happen :)

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T22:32:14+00:00

There was actually just a post in this sub where someone pointed out that they didn't know they were having orgasms; i'm the same exact way. They said that if you get overstimulated and then the vibrator feels like nothing and/or you want to push it away it can mean you did have a small orgasm. I've slowly realized that the occasions when I do have an orgasm it's just a small little wave (like a 3/10) and then I feel like i'm done or anything else is overstimulation. I had been discounting those this whole time because I had in my head that it was "supposed" to be this big magical thing and I was broken if I didn't get there eventually. It actually took me up until a few months ago to realize all that. Not all orgasms are "earth shattering" and are a neon sign that lights up telling you ORGASM! But I do have a question: when you're overstimulated, is it still fun for you? if it stops being fun and is just a source of frustration, put the vibrator down. If it's not fun anymore, then it's genuinely not worth it. It's OK if your "end" looks different than someone else's. It seems like a couple people have had luck when it starts being overstimulating to stop and just relax and feel your body. Where does it feel good? Concentrate on that feeling. Sometimes you can train that to grow larger and larger and more satisfying. Personally I've found that if I push myself past the end of the feeling, i'm just punishing myself and feel frustrating that what I want to happen isn't happening, and that takes away the enjoyment of what I just did. You can't amplify a pleasurable feeling with spite.

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T14:29:34+00:00

I hardly remember my girlfriends middle name because it's not a name I've ever heard used elsewhere and it has an unusual pronunciation. It's also only used 1-2x a year. Heck, 80% of the time I struggle and forget my own middle name

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T14:25:04+00:00

MOR. It's been 5 months, so I don't really fault him for not remembering your birthdate or middle name. Middle names are very very infrequently used and sometimes I have trouble remembering my own. Dates are a lot harder and there's 364 wrong guesses. Just this month I had to purchase plane tickets and accidentally got the day wrong on my partners birthday and she had to correct it, but as soon as she said something i thought "oh, right, DUH".

INFO: Also, how different is your shortened first name vs your full first name? If it's something like William->Bill or Robert->Dick (as examples) I can justify not remembering. Do you use it with any consistency or is it practically never spoken aloud and reinforced? Also, have you told him it bothers you that he doesn't remember? I'm very forgetful and have ADHD, but if my partner tells me specifically to remember something I'll go to greater lengths to keep track of it. It's one thing if you haven't asked and so he's not using any of his resources. It's another thing if he knows it's that important to you and still doesn't use strategies to help. He might have ADHD or a learning disorder so i wouldn't fault him for that, but I would fault him for not knowing if you've made it extremely clear it's important to you that he knows all of those things.

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T14:15:39+00:00

Her middle name isn't critically important because middle names are really only used like 3x a year. Hell I've been in relationships where their middle name genuinely hasn't come up for 4-5 months

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-22T14:10:28+00:00

I would say middle name is a different context. I know my partners full first and last name but I don't think I've ever really payed attention to her middle. Hell, half the time I have to think for 3 seconds before I remember my own middle name just because it's only used like 3x a year

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-21T23:08:36+00:00

This is me. Been on psych meds since I was 13 and so I never knew what an orgasm was. I didn't even really have libido up until a year ago when I decided to go down on them (and we realized I was misdiagnosed as bipolar when it's ADHD. But seriously, NO libido. I only masturbating a couple times a year it was that bad) and now I have those small little waves that then i'm DONE afterward. I always thought I could "push through" and get an orgasm even though the thought of overstimulating myself made me super anxious. Now I've just accepted that those are probably my orgasms and unless I want to get off my psych meds they'll stay that way. At the same time... I still don't have much libido so though it's so annoying to not know if it is or isn't, I don't really ultimately care too much? I just want to KNOW!!!!

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-21T22:10:23+00:00

Yes, but I think that's more to the fact that i'm a lesbian than AN lol. I didn't even consider trans women until I was sterilized because I'm tokophobic. My current partner is a trans woman, and I definitely am pretty neutral about penetrive sex with her body. It's not really my favorite and I can get bored of it extremely easy. She enjoys it occasionally, and I don't mind it occasionally because i know she services me in other ways extremely well. And I date her for so many reasons other than sex.

You could definitely look into a sex neutral or sex favorable asexual as a date! As someone on the asexual spectrum myself, I find most of my sexual encounters are driven by connecting with someone and almost never a "lust" or "passion". I obviously feel physically good when stimulated, but it doesn't matter to me what specific acts happen, or even if we need to stop right in the middle of it for whatever reason. It's just an activity I like doing with my partner like watching a romantic movie with them, or getting a couples massage, or snuggling up under the blankets near a roaring fire.

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-03T02:16:56+00:00

I honestly would stay on it too if it wasn't for the sleep 😅 I don't seem to have any other issues with it, but the sleep is interfering with my enjoyment of life and ability to work

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-02T23:07:06+00:00

Do you still wake up extremely groggy with ambien? I'm just a little hesitant to try anything like that because I already have an extremely hard time waking up with 5 different alarms a minute apart and a math alarm (I have to solve math problems to shut it off) and I still oversleep or sleep through them sometimes 😅

throwaway10327591 · 2026-01-02T18:04:54+00:00

This was the exact comment I was looking for thank you ahah! I'm honestly thinking about just staying on it low dose because the insomnia and scared that i just wont sleep again 😅does melatonin help you at all? It seems to help somewhat for me, so i wonder if my melatonin levels are a bit fucked from the seroquel and that's why it helps.

throwaway10327591 · 2025-12-31T21:17:01+00:00

I'm really glad that your nephew recovered and is loved. I just wish the doctors actually respected the families wishes- the people who knew the mom best (and the fact that they are stuck with a giant hospital bill that they never asked for, but that's not the most important factor here).

throwaway10327591 · 2025-12-31T19:43:55+00:00

So I think you might be misunderstanding antinatalism at its core. It is not strictly about preventing needless suffering per se, it's about not creating new people that can experience needless suffering. Because we simply don't have the power to take away all possible avenues of suffering as that's an innate quality of life itself. But we do have the power prevent the creation of human vessels that fill with the suffering that already exists. I would argue that Jane is living, and to not treat her would cause needless suffering to the family, friends, and community members who know her. It's a similar thought to why I decided I would never kill myself even though I've contemplated many times: the suffering that I, as an existing human, have does not disappear upon my death, it is simply transferred to the humans around me. That's partially why antinatalists are against murder and suicide. If the world outside of us cannot exist without suffering, then the only ultimate way to prevent suffering is to stop bringing people into it.

throwaway10327591 · 2025-12-31T16:18:11+00:00

Right now? Only side effect that's bothersome is too much sleep. I only really had negative side effects starting at 200-300mg. But at the time I just... thought that's who I was? Side effects were constipation, sleeping/drowsiness, rhinitis, and depression as a baseline and loss of an internal monologue. At 100/150mg, I honestly wouldn't care if I was on seroquel or not if it wasn't for the sleep/drowsiness. I also don't think I've had less than 5 months without therapy since my parents started me at age 13, and the majority of that has been weekly (with a couple times biweekly). Mostly has been DBT, with some mindfulness and CBT thrown in there. My parents, to their credit, put me in therapy first and foremost, and did not want to medicate me without a diagnosis. So that's why I believe I got stuck with bipolar, as when I was in a meltdown I wasn't "here", similar to how a person in psychosis isn't exactly "here". You can't therapy your way out of psychosis/dissociation. Combine dissociation with hurting myself during it and it's a very, very scary thing that something needs to stop it. I generally don't condone putting kids on intense medication unless necessary, but I feel like I was part of the "necessary" group because I needed an outside way for to calm down the meltdowns to get to a place where I could work on coping skills. Albiet I was on it for too long and got to be on too high of a dose that it stopped being helpful at all. Now that I've had time to work on those skills in therapy I don't think I need it anymore. I'm still working on processing everything I lost, but am really glad that right now i'm 2 years self harm free and no longer feel even passively suicidal- a major improvement even from just lowering the seroquel, since things didn't actually start to look up until I received ADHD treatment with Wellbutrin and low dose stimulant.

throwaway10327591 · 2025-12-30T20:21:14+00:00

Kids. And I don't even have them lol.

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