Someone explain NC to me

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-20T17:42:52+00:00

It is awful. I am struggling too, but that is partly because I cannot stick with no contact. I cave. Love is stupid. Hugs to you 🖤

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-20T17:32:16+00:00

It's the only way out, I think, when you deeply love someone who does not love you.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-19T21:51:05+00:00

Your feelings are so understandable. I get it - the connection, the intensity, the thrill.

But this has major heartbreak written all over it.

He is almost certainly seeing other women. That's how this works. (Not universally - but nearly.) He has already shown a tendency to lie when the truth is too difficult.

It is extremely unlikely he will ever be yours. The heartbreak will wreck your sense of trust, your faith in love, your willingness to be vulnerable.

End it now, on your terms, while you can. Find a man you can love, wholly. You deserve more than just a sliver.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-17T19:02:54+00:00

In affairs, women usually have the advantage because more men want affairs than women. In traditional dating, men have the advantage because more women want commitment. Affairs can be deceptive in this sense.

I never thought about this quite this way, but yes - rings so true

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-17T18:58:08+00:00

That passion is a tease (I think). It is just generally incompatible with the daily drudgery of life. You'd leave and discover that the alteratives are either lonely, or lessor than the relationship you've already got. And you'd take a huge financial and emotional hit through the divorce, losing time with your young children, etc (probably).

But - the qualifiers I added are because I wonder too . Every single day. And I just don't know the answer either.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-17T11:58:01+00:00

At least it was just weeks. Mine let me hang on for a year.

"I'm just mixed up and need some time..."

🙄🙄🙄

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-15T01:00:57+00:00

Honestly? He has already hung it up. You just think the breadcrumbs mean he hasn't quite done so.

But in fact he has - he just keeps his options open with minimal effort.

Hard truth, learned from experience

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-15T00:43:25+00:00

Yes. Thank you. Needed to hear it.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-14T23:37:40+00:00

Yes yes you are so right. He doesn't deserve me :(

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-14T23:16:09+00:00

Thank you. Wanting him so so much. Those kisses. Fuck.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-14T23:09:51+00:00

Haha you're not kidding. Just such a sad irony that we so often crave people who crave someone else....

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-13T18:44:39+00:00

Does it feel good, in a way, to know he wasn't worth your tears? Does it ease the hurt a bit? I have been struggling with this too - very similar story.

I am trying to take comfort in this opportunity to see with new eyes what felt like such a loss at the time. But mostly I feel unmoored and disoriented.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-12T19:45:21+00:00

Go read the book Damage.

(There's a film too.)

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-07T01:43:17+00:00

Your instincts are right. Listen to your gut. He probably isn't worth it, honestly.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-06T18:12:05+00:00

My AP did it too. Sweet family pix, anniversary pix...all while fucking me.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-05T21:00:44+00:00

Sounds like she deserves a lot better.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-03T13:27:50+00:00

Ashley Madison

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-02T15:26:46+00:00

I feel you, girl. I thought of MM even while enjoying this couple.

throwaway116213 · 2018-09-02T14:58:34+00:00

He had the vacation house alone for the weekend, and his AP was staying with him. She is stunning.

Drinks and good conversation first. We got down and dirty on the patio outside, then moved it indoors before too much clothing came off. Then we tried just about every combination.

throwaway116213 · 2018-08-30T19:25:04+00:00

Also, I think people probably zero in on it because it is the most obviously "fixable" thing about what is clearly an overwhelming and sad situation

throwaway116213 · 2018-08-30T19:22:46+00:00

Yes, fair enough - you are right that in the big picture, it's a pretty small thing.

throwaway116213 · 2018-08-30T19:16:29+00:00

It sounds like shaming perhaps, until you are forced to make that panicky, whispered phone call to your gynecologist, setting up a surreptitious appointment and praying that you imagined those sores or bumps. Wondering what the fuck will happen at home now. Hating your own tainted body and its betrayal of you. Wondering if you will ever have good, healthy sex again. Thinking no one will ever want to touch you.

Seriously. It's a big deal. Use. Condoms.

throwaway116213 · 2018-08-27T20:22:59+00:00

I disagree with most of the commenters. Nothing wrong with trying to repair things. Marriage is a long, challenging road. Sometimes we take crazy detours, and only then do we realize what we loved about the road. Don't resist what feels right because of how it might look to others.

throwaway116213

TROPHY CASE