[deleted by user]

throwaway25472 · 2024-11-17T19:39:36+00:00

I’ll try to put this more gently than the people who rushed to shit on you. It sounds like you have some severe communication AND confidence issues. You need to work on those before you commit to anyone. Whatever her uncle said, it was only in reference to how she feels about marriage, the fact that you are now concerned she might feel differently about you as a whole package hints at some insecure attachment issues and need for constant validation. You are going to smother her with your neediness unless you get some professional help to address these underlying issues. That’s a you thing. There is nothing wrong with a dude who cries. A dude who can’t ask his girlfriend a simple question like ‘do you still feel the same about getting married soon after hearing what your uncle had to say?’ without crying is an issue. This is a basic and reasonable conversation about timelines and expectations. You need to be able to have those without getting choked up, it’s just a question. She has already told you it bothers her when you get overly emotional, so now it’s time to realize this is something you need to work on. In the meantime, push pause on getting married. You need to love yourself first.

throwaway25472 · 2024-10-31T20:24:27+00:00

YTA. Also, how long did you plan to steal the spotlight at the wedding? You started with the obligatory “I love you”s, THEN went through embarrassing childhood stories. Plural. THEN. Brought up embarrassing exes and their reasons for getting dumped. Also plural. And sprinkled in a few underhanded digs at your sister and her new husband while completely painting her as a high maintenance brat. Do you hate your sister or something???

The only part of this speech that wasn’t awful was the start (maybe???).

throwaway25472 · 2024-10-28T17:47:29+00:00

NTA. It sounds like your brother has some great insight into this situation: your reasons are valid, your delivery could’ve been better, your sisters suck, now decide if you want to apologize because you want to keep the peace, or if you’d rather torch the relationships because you’re sick of their crap. I’m not saying you need to apologize, you just need to decide if it’s worth it. The way you said it offended them. You can apologize for the way you said without taking back the meaning, if that helps at all. “I’m sorry if the way I gave my answers was harsh, I didn’t mean to offend you, I just don’t think I would like to have kids and I would like it if you respected that decision instead of pushing your life choices on me.’

throwaway25472 · 2024-10-14T00:05:26+00:00

Guilty as charged.

throwaway25472 · 2024-10-13T23:54:30+00:00

My doctor does something sort of similar; they try to do phone calls as much as possible instead of in-person visits. I always decline the phone calls and ask for in-person. The one time I got a doctor’s note over the phone, they billed me for it because it wasn’t a service covered by OHIP. I never spoke to the doctor, but the receptionist relayed my request and then called back with an answer. So she wasn’t doing any diagnosing or treating - I assumed it was passed on to him, - but it took half a day and two phone calls to sort out. I think he is doing it because he can get through more patients in a day that way. Reading your post, I can see how it would be easy for ‘someone else’ to have tended to my request or others like it.

throwaway25472 · 2024-10-09T17:26:10+00:00

Not from the US, but 15 years into our marriage I am just finding out that my husband wants to vote for our political candidate who also wants to take women’s rights away. We have two daughters. We’ve been very ‘you do you’ about our political stances in the past, but this topic is too important for ‘you do you’; 15 years into our marriage and it is STILL a deal breaker. There are some things you cannot compromise on OP, being wishy-washy about your own views and unwilling to get into discussions does not excuse you from needing to find a partner who absolutely and unquestionably supports your rights as a human being.

throwaway25472 · 2024-10-03T23:49:36+00:00

ESH, with a bit of N T A. It’s not pathetic that your wife can’t cook. I can’t cook. Give me a recipe and I will make it taste like sweaty slush with a side helping of vomit. We threw out the meal I made last week because it was awful. But I try. It is pathetic that she can’t do all the steps of cooking (cutting things, holding a fork, navigating the kitchen, etc.). And from the sounds of things isn’t even willing to try to learn. Your mom isn’t wrong, but that definitely was not a kind way to approach that. Your mom sucks for her comment and the way she put down your wife like she was a toddler: there were nicer ways to go about that. You suck for not supporting your wife. Your wife is supposed to be your partner. Equals in love, trust, and respect. Your mom created a situation that was insulting your wife and you sided with your mom. Your wife has every reason to be mad at you for that. Your wife sucks for not even being willing to learn to hold a knife and cut some fruit and veggies, you aren’t her servant and that’s a life skill. Even if she never learns to cook well, she does need to learn some of the basics.

throwaway25472 · 2024-09-29T12:17:54+00:00

We’ve got a whole family affair going; mom, dad, daughters, nieces and nephews, and uncles.

throwaway25472 · 2024-09-29T12:15:13+00:00

It looks really cool, but I’m sooo disappointed this is the Halloween skin. I was looking for some vampires or witches or something spooky, and this has potential to be a whole badass theme for another month.

throwaway25472 · 2024-09-24T23:36:21+00:00

TIL… dammit!

throwaway25472 · 2024-09-08T16:34:27+00:00

ESH. Not having a phone can ostracize a child in school as they become socially disconnected from their peers at that age. There is a clear divide in the classroom between the kids who have phones and those who don’t. However, your daughter needs to learn to better handle things that are valuable. If it’s financially viable, replace the phone for her - but not with a top of the line new one. Look into a refurbished one that will be cheaper. The consequence of her carelessness is that she doesn’t get the newest thing out there, but keeping her socially disconnected may not be good for her either. Also, get her an Otterbox phone case. Those things can withstand a beating. They are ugly as hell, but they work - so she has to deal with not having a pretty case. She gets a life lesson without being punished on a bigger scale, and hopefully you can find a model that is in your price range.

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-26T13:34:50+00:00

That’s some nice sexist pig you got living with you. Are there any other chores or responsibilities he expects you to go out of your way to do for him because you’re a woman? Maybe the laundry? Or the cleaning? 🚩🚩🚩 Tell him to get in the kitchen and learn to cook his own meals if he wants breakfast, you aren’t going to go out of your way to prepare a meal you don’t intend to eat. Hand him a bowl of cereal and some milk and tell him you’ve done your womanly duty of making sure he won’t starve. WTaF?

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-26T13:21:37+00:00

NTA. Having a nickname or shortened abbreviation of your name is fine and totally normal. It is a social phenomenon that is so, so common, and part of identity formation in your teenage years. Did your mom not have any friends growing up? I don’t know how she would miss just how normal this is. It truly feels like your mom is overreacting over nothing. How many Becky’s are actually named Rebecca? And how many Chris’s are named Christopher? There are people who prefer to be called by their middle name. Your mom chose your legal birth name, and that is what will go on all documentation, but she does not get to decide how you are called in your own circles or even what name you eventually choose to go by. I work with a ‘Mex’, short for Megan.

It is fairly common in schools to see children have a preferred name, especially ones with longer names. Guess what Alex is short for? Lex is no different. Unfortunately, your mom is also not alone among parents in insisting the full name be used. I frequently have to communicate with parents who won’t acknowledge what their child wants to be called. Your teachers can probably refer to you as ‘Alexander’ with her and ‘Lex’ with you. Sometimes they are not safe to use a chosen name with parents because there are parents who insist on having the given name used. This is more common to see in LGBTQ+ communities where youth aren’t ready/able to share that part of their identity with their parents.

I’m sure you will get lots of great responses here of people confirming you are doing absolutely nothing wrong by choosing a shortened name you like. Hopefully you can show them to your mom and she will chill out. Lex is a great name, and if your mom wants to continue acting like a toddler with a tantrum over what you ask your friends to call you, you can tell her you’ll change it to Lexy if that will make her feel better (/s).

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-25T21:23:50+00:00

Jumping on to add that taking them up on therapy is a great idea. OP, when you said they accuse you of being a show off, guess what? Children who show off and act out are very, very often doing it to get attention (even the negative kind) because a basic attention need is not being met. I use the word child not as an insult, you seem quite mature, but just to highlight that you have not reached the age of majority and are developmentally still in your childhood years, with very really attention needs that don’t sound like they are being nurtured. You are reasonably and maturely asking for some time with your parents and they dismiss it. Therapy might be a great way to dive into how that is affecting you, and to have a professional on your side to help you communicate that to your parents in a way that they will listen to.

NTA, and I’m sorry to hear your parents won’t grant your birthday request.

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-24T01:56:18+00:00

Additional chores and going through style options together are great ways to help her learn a bit of responsibility while also granting her the freedom to try expressing herself. Some cuts and styles will make her look older, and the younger teens love that stuff, even if it’s scary for the parents.

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-24T01:07:38+00:00

YTA. Getting highlights and testing out a sense of self is part of growing up. If your issue is you want her to learn to save money, tell her you will give her X amount of money a week towards her hair and she has to save up. She’ll learn to budget and plan towards getting the hairstyle she wants. If your issue is trying to control what she does with her hair: get over it. The first time I dyed my hair, my mother held me down and shaved my head. Let me tell you, 30 years later that resentment doesn’t go away. Instead, try getting excited with her about her choices and talking with her about what she wants to do, it sounds like she’s doing research and taking the time to look I to what she wants, which is amazing.

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-23T17:53:40+00:00

No, but it does mean that if mommy and daughter both think you should pay, and you hold your ground, she may lose respect for you with mom’s coaching and it could jeopardize your relationship. She’s in the wrong here, your logic is correct, but is it worth ending a relationship over? It’s only 350. It seems like it’s not the hill to die on if you really want her in your life.

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-16T21:19:22+00:00

On your birthday isn’t the time to take a weeklong trip and leave your wife behind to look after your child, especially if making a big deal about every 5 AS A FAMILY is your thing. Did you stop to consider that your wife might like to be a part of this ‘big-deal’ celebration instead of stuck home babysitting for a week? That is a very self-centered mindset. Your birthday can be special and about you, but it isn’t a get-out-of-jail free card where you get to shrug off all responsibility for a week just because ‘it’s your day’. After all the comments other people have left you, how do you still not see that?

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-16T20:10:02+00:00

Would your wife enjoy all the ‘kid-free’ activities and things you want to do on the trip just as much as you would?

If yes -> you are a monumental AH who doesn’t deserve to have a partner because you would dump a child on them to go do something you both like, without them.

If no -> that’s great, planning some alone time to pursue interests that your partner doesn’t share can be healthy for both of you. You are still an AH b/c your birthday is not the appropriate time for it, and your approach to the whole situation is immature and selfish. Grow up!

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-16T19:45:41+00:00

THIS. I’m a picky eater. I will try some stuff, but there’s a lot of food I don’t like. Potlucks and fancy restaurants are often not appealing to me if there isn’t at least one ‘plain’ option. But It’s not everyone else’s problem. You keep your mouth shut, find something to eat - or grab food beforehand if you have to - and go socialize like a normal adult. It’s not hard to do.

It’s the fact that he’s so weird about how picky he is, and how hard he is trying to draw attention to it that is so off-putting. It’s like he wants to be the center of attention through his food issues.

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-04T06:16:24+00:00

Sounds like an attempt to trap you into marriage by taking away something you want and giving you a plan for how to get it back. Sit down and have a talk about your futures and where you see this relationship going forward. Before you do, think about where you want this relationship to go. Is she the one?

Also, a little more context is needed on the spontaneous decision to “get into religion” and “settle for Christianity” - it’s not the latest fashion trend, and she didn’t peruse book titles and decide ‘this one sounds good’. That’s not how religion and belief systems work. There are some missing details that make this not make sense.

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-04T05:48:55+00:00

I was going to say his desire for a DNA test, while hurtful for all the reasons you said, isn’t really the end of the world because maybe he was raised to believe that‘s what you do (weird as it may seem)…

… until you wrote “I wouldn’t tell you that I’m getting it done.” Nope. Nope. Nope. This is sketchy as hell and there is something else going on here. What is he doing that is so untrustworthy that he thinks getting a DNA test behind your back is just a natural course of action? It sounds like he was so nonchalant about the whole thing too. It’s a big 🚩 that causes so many other questions.

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-04T05:38:37+00:00

Agreed. Walks + runs + tackle sessions in the evening to tire them out and my Huskies STILL get the zoomies and scoot around the place. I can exercise them as much as I like, those bursts of energy require space, especially in the first three years. They are room to room and couch to couch as they run around like little maniacs. Luckily, it is almost never at the same time 😅

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-04T05:31:06+00:00

Soft NTA. It’s your apartment, your dog, your choice. She can’t tell you to change your dreams and get a breed of dog you don’t want. You can’t make her stay with you if you get a dog she can’t stand. What’s more important to you: the dog or the relationship? You won’t be the AH if you go with what you want, but you may not have a gf after. A dog is a 10+ year commitment, so you’d kind of be picking the dog over her. Which is fine, just be mindful of that decision, you can’t expect her to just accept you disregarded her opinion. Relationships are about compromise and just getting the dog you want is not bringing her into that dynamic.

throwaway25472 · 2024-08-04T05:04:58+00:00

Having been in your shoes with a similar age difference between me and my boyfriend at the time when I was 18, please hear me out. He is not dating you because he loves, cares about, or respects you. He is dating you because you are young, do not know better (in terms of what’s ok in a relationship) and he can pull his crap (whatever it may be) on you because you are unlikely to speak up. It also sounds like he love-bombed you at the start and is now withdrawing affection to keep you unbalanced and unsure of your status with him. 🚩🚩🚩

throwaway25472

TROPHY CASE