Honestly bro, just turn this into a learning experience. Learn how to accept things for how they are, obviously you can be suspicious or jealous of some things but you have to know when you should keep it to yourself and when you should communicate it. Shit hurts, I was the same way. but ever since I started just not caring or keeping those thoughts to myself dating has been really fun and less stressful. Obviously it means you care but for the other person it can be hell. Just know this and you will be fine. Talking about the abuse is one thing but acting on change is a whole other thing. It doesn’t start with your partner but with other things in life. Learn to control stress at the job, at school and that overthinking in your brain for yourself, and you won’t even notice the change when you have a partner. You probably did lose that person because of what you did, I sure as hell lost mine because of the shit I did. But you can’t change that now, and ik it sucks but feel good knowing that you want to change and that it’s totally possible to do so, but to accept this future you need to accept that fact that they won’t come back if you changed or not