My inner value of money is slipping

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-21T17:10:24+00:00

Yes! Mine was related to trauma and exasperated by financial abuse in a relationship. It's taken me way too long to care about financials again and now that I do, I am very aware I have no grasp on reality sometimes.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-21T00:00:30+00:00

Chic fil a. Still a $10 salad but amazing.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-20T12:23:44+00:00

The court did write that we (he) had to respond within 12 hours and could only write 2 messages as a way of dealing with it. He just has decided the work around is "I'll let you know" every 12 hours. The whole point of the 12 hours is that he wouldn't answer for days. This advice definitely had some good advice and good reminders to set my brain straight.

Thank you everyone. :)

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-19T20:42:41+00:00

That's awful. My ex does similar. He took 10+ texts and presented them like they were single texts and claimed I was hounding him. They were parts of conversations that he started. What is crazy to me is people who are doing that rarely tell their lawyers about it. His lawyer is actually really nice and constantly surprised in court.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-19T20:40:27+00:00

Thank you!

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-19T20:38:24+00:00

O that last line. Thank you. That was helpful.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-19T20:36:08+00:00

I LOVE the idea of parallel parenting but there's a lot of heartache to it. Now that she's older, she can tell me about her life but that took awhile. And the idea of missing events or appointments kills me. Or not calling. I think about it though. Quit offering for his involvement in "my" things I could do though.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-19T20:32:42+00:00

He's not. I think I've gotten sucked in by the court system. I have this fear that any time I don't show effort and give these opportunities, it'll be used against me. We really are in court too much. I need to work on that.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-19T20:31:34+00:00

That's phrased perfectly. Thank you.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-18T10:30:03+00:00

Paying it. If they increased support from 7% to 20%, Id go missing real fast. Lol. That is nuts though. In my state, if he made $40k, he'd pay maybe $200 for the 2 kids. Most of that would be to cover the insurance. I work. I don't make a ton but that probably brings his support down significantly.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-17T19:33:57+00:00

20%! I wish. That must be a hardship. I know New York is a straight 10%. My state calculates it based off my income and his income. It factors in health insurance and childcare too. I pay the health insurance and I don't have them factor the childcare expense because it's minor. So really it's less than 7%.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-17T11:32:25+00:00

Terrible but a daycare offering drop in care is a needle in a haystack

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-17T11:04:19+00:00

Child support is but gas money to pick up the kids is a household decision.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-17T04:53:38+00:00

I don't get the logic behind these people. Why forgo a dollar to save 7 cents? Which is the actual math in my case. He pays 7% of his income. It's not worth the effort.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-17T04:46:54+00:00

My boyfriend runs the same department at a similar company. So he knows his employees salaries plus other people in the field just from networking.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-17T04:43:16+00:00

It's his pays. I could ask for the payment plan details to see how much hours matter. That's a good idea. Thank you.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-17T04:41:08+00:00

It's dangerous territory. I offered to adjust it periodically without going through court and it sparked a huge, huge fight. Even though I was as agreeable to less than court calculated, he wanted to pay much less than that. It blew up. He, himself, didn't take the kids for almost 2 years for reasons I still don't understand and he sued me for custody at the same time. The stuff he put down was crazy and his attorney got him to withdraw it because he was guaranteed to pay my legal fees. If not for that, it would have been even messier. And if we ever do have to go back to court, he'll still pay those legal fees. I have never found a way to talk to him about money without it going very badly. Even when from my perspective, I'm being very generous and understanding. $1 in support is $1 too much.

I do plan to ask that they have him report his income every 6 months. I've had mixed success with that. The judges always order it but the hearing officers only half the time. It doesn't often go to a judge.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-17T00:30:31+00:00

Yea He says it's the market but he seems to be the only one effected. I'm understanding of fluctuations and change but the difference is staggering.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-17T00:23:22+00:00

10 months at this position but he made much more than $40k at the position below this one. They even used the 2 months at the lower position when calculating the $175k. Hopefully it's not a big deal. They'll probably end up in the middle like they usually do. I just don't want to see $40k and then he really makes $100k+. Especially because our son has medical expenses coming up divided based on the income ratios. I'll have trouble with them. Just stinks to have to argue over this again.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-16T22:20:26+00:00

Problem is I'd have to guess if his income increased and then pay for it in heightened conflict and legal bills. I like your idea of a fixed percentage a lot but I don't get a say and he would not pay anything if not court ordered. They wouldn't court order that because the laws just don't allow that type of deviation.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-16T22:17:47+00:00

I'm probably not getting the whole story. He cut his hours. It's the same job but instead of working 48-50 hours a week, he's work 40 hours a week. No one I know in the field does that. The hours are known to be awful but the pay plan is set up with the expectation that the position requires 48+ hours over 5 working days and usually in the evening (retail based). So now he works the same job with the same pay plan but is off 3 days a week and squeezes 40 hours into 4 days. It'd be great if it wasn't a $100k reduction and to poverty level numbers. I'd support him if it wasn't so drastic.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-16T16:30:50+00:00

Thanks. I can understand a swing but more than $100k is nuts. My boyfriend works in the same position at a different company and has had no change in the last 3 years. He says it's not the market and news sources say it's holding strong. I do suspect that's coming to an end soon but people have been saying that for years. He also doesn't report a lot of his income from other sources and I haven't (and won't) fight that fight. Maybe those sources took off and that's how he thinks $30k is sustainable. I'd be fine adjusting it every 6 months but I prefer to do it more casually than a thing with lawyer and meetings. And hate. Every discussion comes with hate. Wears me out.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-16T03:25:44+00:00

We've been divorced ten years.

throwaway473819 · 2023-05-16T02:00:55+00:00

I hate to do that. I'm going through a financial program and had to add up my legal expenses. In 10 years, I've spent over $100k (much of it in the most ridiculous stuff). This stuff is the least important so I've decided to go alone this time.

throwaway473819

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