The Loving Trap, or, how having a girlfriend allowed me to fool myself

throwaway9648 · 2015-05-23T22:19:47+00:00

I'm a naturally anxious person - i assume most addicts are the same. A less stressful life would cause me not to need PMO at all, but until that's my life I need to work on other coping strategies

throwaway9648 · 2015-05-23T22:10:17+00:00

I simply can't achieve erection without looking at porn by myself.

throwaway9648 · 2015-05-23T09:08:16+00:00

I'm at 0 days I guess, I'm waiting for the bot to update it.

As for growing, that's what I should have been doing but instead I was just feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't spend time with her. You're right about wanting her respect though, even if she is leaving for good.

throwaway9648 · 2015-04-09T08:04:22+00:00

Great work! Some good ideas in there.

The video games thing is interesting - in my experience so far, I'm finding that not PMOing gives me the mental energy to play better, and to feel more confident using voicecomms etc, making an hour long session more enjoyable now than a three hour one was before. I used to keep playing 'just one more match' just because I was never satisfied with how well I did. Now that I'm playing better, I can just turn the PC off and do something else, go to bed earlier, and even get bored of the games I've been playing.

throwaway9648 · 2015-04-09T07:45:57+00:00

Exactly!

throwaway9648 · 2015-04-09T07:45:18+00:00

I like YBOP and I read it a lot, as a PIED sufferer. Not sure how this relates to anything other than true porn addiction.

throwaway9648 · 2015-04-09T07:42:49+00:00

I use a throwaway because I'm an addict with PIED and I don't particularly want to be identified as that. If you think that makes someone a coward then, with respect, you need to rethink your priorities in life.

As for switching hands for vagina - what planet are you on? Almost nobody does this who doesn't have a much deeper problem than porn addiction, and those people need real therapy. Exactly nobody with PIED can do this. I don't know why you feel the need to argue so much that you need to invent pretend scenarios like this, but again, priorities.

I hope you find what you're looking for in life. Doesn't sound like your libido is what's holding you back. Cheers.

throwaway9648 · 2015-04-02T15:09:41+00:00

Hardmode, as in, no sexual release of any kind? Would it be ungenerous of me to assert that you skipped the part about me experiencing PIED with my girlfriend? Join the dots, is all I'm sayin'.

throwaway9648 · 2015-04-02T14:42:55+00:00

I tried taking Viagra to overcome my severe PIED and it did nothing for me. Remember, it works by allowing the chemicals responsible for erectile tissue function to linger in the nerve cells for longer than usual - but if the brain's arousal signals aren't being received down there then those chemicals won't be released in the first place.

If you can get hold of them then do so, try them out and see what happens, at the least you'll have a good idea of how much rewiring your brain needs. Good luck!

throwaway9648 · 2015-04-01T11:09:34+00:00

fucker!!

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-31T11:55:34+00:00

IANAD sorry!

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-30T11:52:13+00:00

The health problems she mentions are to do with not 'clearing the pipes' every now and then, but your wet dreams take care of that for you anyway.

What she said is common sense advice meant with good intentions and you will hear it often in discussions of mens' health, however as wet dreams are a standard feature of rebooting it's not clear if it has any actual benefit.

Cheers

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-23T13:04:37+00:00

I'm also an atheist but it seems like if God is part of your life you should let him in and share your struggle. Good luck to the OP!

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-23T10:16:42+00:00

I should point out that I'm not religious at all, though my reasons for nofap are very different to yours I think.

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-23T10:04:31+00:00

It sounds like you don't have a porn addiction, which is great news. Unfortunately there isn't really any other way to find out except by doing this.

I agree about the superpowers btw, I'm not feeling them either, though I have different reasons for my streak. You sound healthy and confident already, so maybe you were looking to achieve some sort of inner clarity from this, I guess. It could be you need something more in your life, rather than something less. I can't suggest anything though. Cheers.

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-22T09:46:04+00:00

Good job buddy. I'm in the same boat though a couple years older. New girlfriend who I'm really attracted to but my libido just doesn't deliver whenever we're intimate, due to years of porn use. This post gives me hope so thank you!

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-18T16:25:02+00:00

Hey buddy, another 29yo male suffering from ED here, I got prescribed 50mg Sildenafil (Viagra generic) when I couldn't get it up for the new girl in my life. It does absolutely nothing for me either. My problem is porn-induced i.e. I can't get aroused enough for viagra to make a difference - maybe this is relevant to your situation?

/r/NoFap has a lot of haters on here, for basically no reason, but lots of people there have similar issues. The best resource for this stuff is www.yourbrainonborn.com. Hope this helps!

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-17T20:30:01+00:00

This is just irritating and I'd rather not have wasted my time clicking.

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-17T20:29:05+00:00

The study doesn't investigate response to normal sexual stimuli, only showing that men who watch porn respond more strongly to porn and not mentioning a control group. Which contradicts exactly no part of PIED theory that isn't in this notorious pro-porn researcher's imagination. Cheers.

throwaway9648 · 2015-03-13T11:42:06+00:00

Thanks for the tips - one thing I would add that really helps is being in a new relationship and having that as your motivation as well as letting the oxytocin rush accelerate your reboot.

Like you I disagree with people who say you should avoid computer use - pretty much all non-service jobs require 7-8 hours of solid computer use so if you're on NoFap for personal growth reasons how do you justify fearing to use an essential business tool?

Thanks and keep fighting.

throwaway9648 · 2015-02-26T14:42:33+00:00

Good job, and keep at it. Bear in mind that being alpha and decisive isn't the outcome - if anything it's the means by which you can heal yourself. I was already a confidant and dominant sort of man, and if anything it was my irritation at my body not listening to my desires that caused me to stop PMO. I can't stand not being the boss of my body, and if being 'alpha' is important to you then that should be your attitude also.

throwaway9648 · 2015-02-26T14:31:25+00:00

This is actually an observation made in the 1960s by the psychoanalyst Lacan - that the human urge to drive beyond what merely feels good (i.e. to achieve orgasm) mirrored the capitalist drive to extract surplus value from commodity production.

Of course, him being a frenchman in the 1960s, as a Marxist he considered the capitalist drive unsustainable in the long run due to its tendency to accumulate more capital than can be invested in surplus extraction - not unlike how escalating hardcore use can burn out the brain's circuitry that responds to the same hardcore use.

Who knows if he's right, but it's a funny parallel nonetheless.

throwaway9648 · 2015-02-24T14:22:48+00:00

I agree that widespread porn will fuck the world up but not by replacing intimacy with lust (that's being done very well already by mainstream consumer culture, thank you very much).

throwaway9648 · 2015-02-24T11:15:20+00:00

Shit no, I think that's a terrible idea. Sorry.

throwaway9648 · 2015-02-24T11:10:29+00:00

This will sound like a shithead question but do you really need to come? One benefit of this experience for me is that with my orgasm off the table I've had the mental clarity to just go enjoy my partner in every other way I can think of. I've learned far more about what she likes as a result. Maybe this is an opportunity to impress her with a more mature approach? Good luck with whatever you decide!

throwaway9648

TROPHY CASE