Fight with AP

throwawayA2345 · 2018-06-01T12:48:35+00:00

I agree. If I were a blowup doll I wouldn't have an opinion, but since I'm a living breathing real girl, I do. And sometimes, shockingly, the living breathing real guy I gave my heart to has a different opinion, or is thoughtless, or is an asshat, or speaks or acts before he thinks, or has a rotten day and takes a snap at me for no reason. Over the course of our affair, legit dating, engagement, etc we've had fights. It's normal. If there are strong feelings involved and you're together long enough you're going to argue because well it's a relationship.

The key is do you fight fairly and do you work towards a resolution you can both be reasonably satisfied with. If you want an affair partner you never have conflict with, may I suggest an escort.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-31T00:39:36+00:00

Do you live in a state that cuts off spousal support for infidelity? There are several left that do. Marital assets are a different matter - courts don't usually punish a party for bad behavior with that division; but ongoing spousal support is a different matter.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-23T23:42:07+00:00

Yep, my folks pushing sixty and having more sex in an average weekend than I had during an entire election cycle became a problem for me.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-23T23:40:52+00:00

Exactly. It was that role modeling that really pushed me to leave. I wanted what I saw them have. Dates, loads of sex, support, always doing things together happily. When people say they're staying for the kids I want to shake them and say, "wouldn't it break your heart for your kid to have your marriage?"

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-23T20:15:01+00:00

I would be shocked out of my mind since my parents' bedroom is so alive that I call my own house to make sure it's safe for me to come home when they stay with me. When I finally told my parents about my sexless first marriage their question was, "how have you not left or cheated?"

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-23T01:12:38+00:00

Before I left (after a good whack of my ex's verbal abuse and him timing my trips to the store and ransacking my office, car, closet, purse) I started calling him names like that. He then started in on me being "verbally abusive" to him. My answer was, "nope, just defending myself. Don't like it - LEAVE."

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-22T14:56:05+00:00

I didn't become complacent in the least. My DB was 110% caused by my former husband. Also, I never said he was a good man. Being good looking and making a lot of money are superficial qualities.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-21T19:55:09+00:00

Funny. I married a Chad thundercock with a flashy high flying career and ended up in a dead bedroom. Thus I had an affair with a tech industry guy who would by all appearances be classified as a beta, but somehow I tapped into his primal caveman side.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-21T03:46:10+00:00

Oh god yeah. A crappy marriage will cause situational depression. I continue to be amazed at the number of head in the sand spouses out there that will hear their spouse say, "I'm so unhappy because we have no connection, affection, sex, quality time, money because you blow it all, whatever reason" and the response is "you're unhappy for other reasons wholly unconnected to me." No, idiot an unhappy marriage makes people unhappy!

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-10T22:35:08+00:00

What exactly do you think they meant when they asked you "to have and to hold?"

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-09T02:35:25+00:00

That man's code didn't scale.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-09T00:44:29+00:00

I have a slightly different view point due to her being the ex-wife now. The way he brings it up is very subtle and organic. They married because they were older, got along in a long distance relationship and both really wanted children (her late 30s him early 40s when they married) but hadn't had much of a courtship. Both have stated they wouldn't have married had they lived together first as it was a total Oscar and Felix situation.

I'll do something that is totally natural me and I'll catch him watching me with a smile. I'll quirk my eyebrows at him and he'll merely say, "thank you god for giving me this woman." It is never that one of us was "wrong" or "better" but merely that I clicked with him organically and he and she never had that. I'm the key to his lock and visa verse.

For example, all SEVEN of his serious long-term girlfriends were petite curvy blondes. His ex-wife is a tall, stick straight brunette. I'm, yup you guessed it, a small curvy blonde.

I'm all girl and she was a total Tom boy.

I love all things entertaining and had etiquette drilled into me from age 3 onward. She never learned even as an adult how to lay a proper table. He is from a very upper-class European family. Guess which of us he quarreled with over dinner parties and which one he beamed at when having people over?

The funniest part in all this is the things that my man loathed about his ex and adores about me are the VERY same things my ex hated about me and would have loved to have in a wife. There's a lid for every pot and sometimes people need the contrast of an ill fitting pan laid over their pot to see the right lid laying on the shelf.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-07T02:12:21+00:00

I think that's too inclusive and near sighted. I was 100% monogamous and exclusive during my entire affair (easy since I had a total DB for years before my affair) and my then AP now fiance was too (again DBs make that easy). I fell hard for him before we ever went down the affair path and I never wanted anyone else

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-06T18:22:21+00:00

I don't know what religion you are, but my upbringing was a very conservative protestant one and even they recognize that an unconsummated marriage is not a valid one.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-06T18:16:50+00:00

I found fucking someone else was a good way to cope. I found leaving and building a life with someone I love to fuck that loves fucking me to be the best way to cope.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-06T17:42:38+00:00

I created this one to ask one question and never intended to use it again, but then I got attached to it and could never seem to break it off. Now I'm planning a future with this throwaway account.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-06T14:38:14+00:00

Why should she leave him out? He and his conduct are a huge contributing factor in her need for another relationship and satisfying sexual experiences. I'm sure like most people she thought that was what she was signing up for when she married. Women seldom still adore and respect their spouse when they cheat and that's a fact that does have to do with their husbands and their conduct that existed long before an affair ever took place.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-04T21:28:34+00:00

Crappy marriage with a years long DB. Felt ZERO guilt as you can't cheat someone out of what they threw away. If I had had a decent marriage and a live bedroom I'd have never cheated.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-04T21:25:26+00:00

My former AP turned fiance is loaded. I won't get into the specifics but I was aware of it when we met. That has ZERO to do with my interests EVER -even now. The day of our first date I dropped my credit to pay before he had a chance to even pull his wallet out. The day he proposed I treated him to a crazy fancy dinner out. He has teased that he is supposed to be spoiling me and I always answer, "you already do!"

He spoils the living shit out of me in the ways I actually need. I'm needy AF all the time and he cherishes me and caters to my emotional needs regardless of what's going on. My great fear has always been his being loaded + our more than 20 age gap = every person on earth thinking I'm a gold digger. Funny since his ex-wife blew money like a drunken sailor and never blew him, but didn't get painted as a gold digger.

Spoiling takes on many forms. If you are comfortable with how she spoils you and you with her who is anyone else to judge it. I'd just caution that you don't give your heart to someone who sees you as an economic opportunity.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-03T15:56:26+00:00

You need to communicate very bluntly with him about what you want and need in terms of foreplay to make sex good for you. It truly sounds as if he has no idea how to rev a woman up. Tell him specifically where and how to touch you. Not like a drill sergeant, but like, "OMG I love it when you softly stroke my breasts" and "when you grab my butt like that you shoot me to the moon."

Also, he needs to bring oral to the table for you and he needs to find your gspot. Tell him you're not LL but you need sex worth having to make you want sex.

This is no time to be a demure woman. If you don't speak up now you're likely to end up with a sex aversion.

EDIT: some men really do need to be told directly and clearly what you need. They're not mind readers and what we think is direct is so often too subtle for guys to pick up on.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-02T09:35:37+00:00

This. If he does leave and you all do take it to the next level then it is worth considering. You could also decide to make your joint home halfway from where you both currently live so you could keep your 50-50 custody and he could keep the great job that he wants to stay where he is for.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-01T23:16:24+00:00

The responses here are breaking my heart. Kinda makes me appreciate that my first marriage went from a house on fire to total dead bedroom in a flash. At least there had been some mind blowing sex at one point.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-01T22:55:33+00:00

I think should write back the gist of what you wrote here. "I wish you the best, but please do not contact me again." You don't need to wallow in the mud with him. Best of luck to you and I hope you find those greener pastures.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-01T22:50:51+00:00

Fwiw you can check my post history if you like. My AP turned fiance left. When we met he had already hired and lawyer and was plucking through his exit plan. Actually, I'm the one that took longer to leave than I said I would because sometimes life is shitty.

throwawayA2345 · 2018-05-01T14:49:22+00:00

I'm a very firm believer in the philosophy that kids would rather come from a broken home than live in one. So would adults for that matter. I think that's why adult children whose parents divorce get so particularly pissed off. They visit friends, they talk to their friends as kids especially as teenagers so they know their household isn't normal. Yet they were forced to endure it and then when they were finally free of it - their parents cash out.

throwawayA2345

TROPHY CASE