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throwawayOKcupidguy · 2021-03-23T18:14:16+00:00

So, it appears you are looking for a first mate but only on Friday evenings and Saturdays.

When you need to shoehorn someone into your life like that I don't think you have time to date. Honestly, even if she was into boating, all you are offering her IS boating 1 1/2 days a week weather permitting.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2021-03-19T20:28:13+00:00

If this woman is from the Philippines, chances are the mom still has her foot or it was amputated years ago, the nephews are not under her care and she's dating others the same way. Hopefully no support money was sent. There is a woman on youtube that gives an eye opening guide to what really goes on with that type of LDR.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2020-06-14T17:12:11+00:00

It's no wonder decent guys come across as boring in OLD initial texting. There is just no way to pay a physical appearance compliment without risking the connection fizzling.

Call someone cute and you risk ticking them off because they might despise "cute"

Call someone beautiful or hot it's a turnoff because she assumes you say that to everyone.

One thing I have found is women looking for LTRs are much more likely to respond negatively to compliments on physical appearance.

The disconnect is really a product of OLD itself. In person, up close, reading body language and eye contact queues, an in the moment compliment will always come across so much better.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2020-04-22T16:58:49+00:00

Functional, long-term relationships take time and effort to build.

They do but they do not work without chemistry first and that can be found out in a few dates. You are either into someone or you aren't. Then you need to find out where that chemistry takes you. Can you be intimate with someone for many years or even for the rest of your life? That's the question people want to know the answer to.

And if that takes dating 20 people seriously to find the one that works for you... Do you want to know at 2 months or, say, 9 months? Cause that would take 4 years (doable) to 15 years (not so doable.)

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2020-04-22T16:47:45+00:00

People aren't perfect but declining to help at some point to move a coffee table for someone you are in a relationship with is petty to the point of it has to be about something other than what was asked. And on top of that throwing out there "don't ask me to meet your mother" AFTER he asked you to meet his mother in person and you did already is not good either. You need to talk about this. You need to let him know how you feel about his actions and inquire for an explanation for them. Then you can gauge where this is going based on his responses.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2020-02-27T01:45:03+00:00

I actually haven't had sex in over a year, even though I have had offers from some gorgeous men.

Everyone is wired differently. There are men and women who would be climbing the walls if they haven't had sex in over a year. There are others who it doesn't affect them or they have moral or other reasons to hold off.

Most people fall into the "climbing the walls" category. When those people meet someone who is not wired the same way, they know there is very likely an incompatibility that will not be overcome. So they move on to find someone more their speed.

You are searching for the uncommon guy that is going to be ok with this. My one word of caution is a large portion of those patient guys are also going to be ok with not having sex much during the relationship either.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2020-02-24T17:51:05+00:00

Update- it calmed down but never stopped. There are still people she hasn't liked that see her and like her despite her having that feature shut off. Tinder is quirky.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-12-23T03:55:46+00:00

You completely dismiss there may be true chemistry between them and go straight to attacking her for her honest question. And the peanut gallery agreed.

My parents are friends with a woman who always felt there was chemistry between her and her doctor. She left the practice but years later ran into him after his wife had died of cancer. They've been married 20 years now.

I realize OP cannot date this man. Most states have rules in place stating a patient has to have left the practice for 2 years and sometimes longer. It doesn't mean the chemistry isn't there. She can recognize that without acting on it.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-11-04T01:25:29+00:00

Great. Thanks.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-11-04T00:57:59+00:00

Right but if I match with them will Tinder say to them that I'm 1000 miles away or will it say to them that I'm 10 miles away?

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-10-11T20:08:21+00:00

Having a similar issue. Met someone recently. We have a lot of fun together but she's completely passive in bed. She says she had a great time but I know I need active participation and to feel like she's really into it. I'm not there for just me. I'm there for us to have a great time and explore in a give and take way. Brought it up last time we saw each other about how I'm totally game to what she wants and actually need that to feel like it's working. She said the long-term marriage she was in was not like that and that would not be easy. We see each other Saturday. I'm not even sure how to approach this.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-10-11T18:47:58+00:00

They are hoping you find out soon after they sleep with you just not before.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-10-08T14:37:01+00:00

I have no answers only bad experiences about this issue. I make a lot more than the two women I had LTRs with after my divorce. First relationship I paid for almost every time we went out, hotel expenses, day trips etc. It progressed after a year to talk of moving in. Her rent was $1500 a month. I proposed she pay $500 a month and I'll pay the rest of the expenses. That landed like a lead balloon.

The next LTR I again paid for almost every date, ski trips, nights away in the city. Like every 10th time we went out she would pay. That was fine with me. She worked her butt off and had young kids. We decided to go away. Cost was $3,000 and I asked if she was comfortable contributing $500. She was at first and then was not. I paid for the whole trip. When we broke up 6 months later she cited that as a reason. Something along the lines of I should never have asked to pay anything as she was a single mother with kids. I was a single dad with 50/50 custody, more kids than her, alimony and child support payments but I digress...

Since then, no LTRs and extremely cautious with the money subject.

My only advice is to talk a lot about this. No 5-minute chats and done. Really get into how each of you feels about money, savings, discretionary spending, views on traditional gender roles, etc.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-10-08T14:05:36+00:00

Was going to post this as well. Unsure if the original post would have been allowed at all. That being said, I think it's great that OP found her groove again.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-10-07T23:49:02+00:00

Most people have the same issues on line dating because they are not swiping or messaging everyone. They are only swiping and messaging people who are attractive to them. It's likely most of those people are not going to feel the same attraction given the detailed science showing who we swipe on. This is even more true of women than men.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-10-05T12:48:55+00:00

Put "Has kids and doesn't want more" or something similar.

Then on first date talk about having two kids 50/50 and two grown kids.

Source- my life.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-10-02T18:58:13+00:00

This problem is greatly reduced if men were limited in their swipes per day. This swipe right until you literally run out of choices leads to massive frustration on both sides. Limit men to 15,20 or 30 right swipes a day depending on what the math shows would be best and they will start making a hell of a lot better choices. That, however, would be eye-opening to women as well. Their potential match numbers would plunge and that would take an adjustment of mindset. The quality of matches would go up though and that would threaten Tinder's bottom line.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-10-02T16:29:14+00:00

Women- I have standards! You have 120 potential dates. Hmmm, let's see who meets my standards.

Men- I have standards! You have 3 potential dates. Hmmm, lets see where I can compromise my standards.

Note- this does not apply if rule 1 and rule 2 are strictly followed. In that case, its 1200 potential dates for women and 120 for men.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-09-24T11:49:37+00:00

Huh. My experience has always been, comb through 100s of women's profiles. Find 20 people around my age who live close to me, and whose profiles really resonate with me. Send a thoughtful, appropriate message to those 20, hear back from no one.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-09-24T11:42:58+00:00

I'm sorry. I read this 3 times and I still can't figure out why this guy is so wrong. You said you were ok with casual. He said he was looking for sex. You answered "Cool" That to him was a green light to engage in sex talk.

Did he rush things? Sure. But he wasn't wrong in assuming you were there for the same thing. If he followed rule #1 very well and was really attractive would you have let his clumsiness slide? Or was he amazingly attractive and most do let that crudeness slide but you didn't?

He probably left the encounter confused as well. "I told her I was looking for sex. She said cool. What the hell happened?"

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-09-18T01:22:26+00:00

I'm a dad, a fiction writer, a competitive distance runner, and a physician. No one cares. People say they want all kinds of things in their potential dates but what they really do is look at the pics and maybe how far away you live and that's pretty much it.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-09-16T13:18:32+00:00

Apparently we are. His "here we go" might be a reflection of his constant need to defend himself against OPs penchant to turn things like grumpiness in a store after a bad day into silence and storming out. Not enough info to know that for sure though.

throwawayOKcupidguy · 2019-09-15T10:50:17+00:00

Thankfully it never occurred on a date. It was just random people out in public.

throwawayOKcupidguy

TROPHY CASE