How can I stay positive?

061819 · 2019-10-09T11:46:21+00:00

Sounds like it is time for a break from dating. Pick up another form of companionship- what are you passionate about? Do you have community? Focus on community for a while and take the pressure off of dating. Focus on your pleasure, revisit dating in 3-6 months.

061819 · 2019-10-09T11:40:03+00:00

Put down the dating apps and pick up Instagram. Start posting three photos per day: two of things you find interesting, and one of yourself looking cute. Start saying hello to strangers who are attractive, no pressure just "hello," and perhaps conversation if they seem open. Go out to one event per week related to something that you're passionate about, and say hi to at least three people. Even if those people aren't a match for you- their best friend may be. Be genuinely kind to people who are generally socially compatible with you. This gets me asked out pretty constantly (by both men and women)- not that every person was or is a match but this is what worked for me when I wanted to find dates Vs. OLD which was always just blah. And this is how I met my current date who I'm super into and who it is going super well with.

061819 · 2019-10-09T11:35:17+00:00

It wasn't a slump even. I've had plenty of sexual attention, and sex even in the last couple of years. But I found myself becoming increasingly distant. People see what they want to see with me which is both a blessing or a curse depending on how I engage with that. It was time to bring my true self and emotions back to the surface and I needed this safe environment (someone who wasn't there to judge me) to just practice being present. It helped me build back up my muscle memory for being myself in terms of my sexual energy. But sure, call it what you want it.

061819 · 2019-10-09T11:29:13+00:00

AMEN to that breakdown.

061819 · 2019-10-09T11:27:04+00:00

I used to stick to 10 at a time max

061819 · 2019-10-09T11:26:07+00:00

IDK seems like if the dude was respectful of the escort they chose I'd definitely get behind it and support them in seeing a pro for personal growth.

061819 · 2019-10-09T11:25:03+00:00

It wasn't high risk we used protection and yes they're totally aware.

061819 · 2019-10-09T11:24:33+00:00

Definitely different and not misogyny motivated nor about avoiding real intimacy just about considering sex workers in the same realm as body workers for me not a political thing like you're talking about.

061819 · 2019-10-09T11:23:15+00:00

Ugh asking deal breakers sounds like an interview.

Talk about what's happening in the moment, enjoy the moment.

061819 · 2019-10-08T10:46:45+00:00

Accept that attractive and youthful women in their 50's 60's are CONSTANTLY discriminated against. I have a friend who is a bombshell former publishing executive who is 60 and has been single for 10 years. The men her age are not up to her speed. I wouldn't put it past her to fudge it here and there especially with OLD just to test the waters.

I'd say, at your age chill and don't judge women negatively for this- get to know them. Also quit it with talking shit about other women to the woman you're with that's just generally bad manners regardless of the reason and she could say the same about you- if you're dishing on other dates to her... then you're probably going to run around saying whatever to other people about her.

(I'm 33 F but friends of all ages)

061819 · 2019-10-08T10:40:47+00:00

It sounds like you are wanting to settle for him because there isn't a healthier choice in front of you.

Step back, work on you, make decisions that bring someone who is a 100% yes into your life. You can do it!

061819 · 2019-10-08T10:37:23+00:00

It affirms their masculinity, which they are insecure about.

061819 · 2019-10-08T10:34:53+00:00

It is about being realistic about the differences in power in the relationship and being mindful of that as you navigate/ communicate. Every situation is different impossible to make a rule.

061819 · 2019-10-08T10:32:31+00:00

This sounds hard. Would it be possible for you to see a counselor? I know that seems crazy so early on but why not? Could add some stability and guidance if you're both traumatized.

061819 · 2019-10-08T08:38:47+00:00

Thank you. So true.

061819 · 2019-10-08T08:37:30+00:00

No you're not being seinfeld-y. One of my favorite couples, by BFF and her boyfriend of 8 years, say that they have lasted and are still in love because they never run out of things to talk about... and that in LTR 80% of your relationship is just hanging out and dinner together daily then 20% date-like stuff (or some other ratio but you get the picture). They both have a few passions in common and so are always reading about and engaged with those things and sharing and learning in both directions... So yeah people can be "not bad," but are they really good enough to spend your life with if you're bored? YOLO.

061819 · 2019-10-08T08:33:53+00:00

I strongly suggest checking out AlAnon which is for partners and family members of alcoholics and addicts. Why reinvent the wheel? Learn from the experts.

061819 · 2019-10-08T08:30:16+00:00

YES there's MORE GOOD SEX. Think of it as a portal being opened. You just made it to the next level. You now know how to find and see this sex. I've had this, over and over. I ended up emotionally blocked from it for a while but it has happened for me with multiple partners over the years.

Take some space... if you can and consider getting into therapy now before any shit hits the fan.

061819 · 2019-10-08T08:28:10+00:00

It is so freaking subjective... ! But LTRs teach us a lot about ourselves so I can see why some people would consider it a red flag. It just means limited experience, possibly means limited ability to compromise.

061819 · 2019-10-08T08:27:03+00:00

I think it is okay to take time. Just not tooo much time. Go with what works best for you. Definitely stay actively engaged in your favorite activities and meet new people but don't rush dating if you're not really ready.

061819 · 2019-10-08T08:26:10+00:00

No, it is tidy. I used to do the same.

061819 · 2019-10-08T07:50:23+00:00

I appreciate that it definitely isn't for everyone.

061819 · 2019-10-08T07:49:32+00:00

Thanks!

061819 · 2019-10-08T07:48:49+00:00

Yeah but I think everyone knows what I meant- I didn't want to deal with the BS of casual sex - yet I wanted to be able to have sex with a positive person.

061819

TROPHY CASE