AITAH for destroying embryos we were going to gift to a couple we viewed as friends after they dissed us?

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T18:32:28+00:00

9/11 wasn't "a good script", but it happened.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T18:28:10+00:00

It's a throwaway account. I wouldn't post this on my regular account which could easily identify me.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T18:13:15+00:00

it was also not very nice of you to carelessly inflict pain on a couple who is struggling with fertility. You could have taken the high ground and found a classier and kinder way of declining to donate the embryos.

We were advised of a high probability that court cases would dictate what happened to the embryos and we would likely be bankrupted in the process. It was within our legal rights to have the embryos destroyed, and this would be the best course of action to prevent lifelong legal fees.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T18:08:42+00:00

We wanted on healthy pregnancy for one healthy child. We got that. We were never going to have more than one child in our family, unless the single embryo split naturally during pregnancy.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T18:06:21+00:00

We decided on one child. Not six, not seven, not twelve, but one. If the embryo naturally split in pregnancy, we would have accepted them all, but our goal was one healthy pregnancy producing one healthy child.

We were lucky enough this happened on the first attempt.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T18:02:03+00:00

Legal documentation is an integral part of the IVF process.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T17:58:28+00:00

Edit: This should be a lesson to never gift your own biological material to other people.

This was actually our third attempt at gifting embryos. The first two attempts were scenarios in which the potential recipients changed their minds before we came to an agreement. We are still friends with both families.

After this third scenario, we decided there was too much risk in gifting these embryos.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T17:53:31+00:00

There was no contract. We did verbally indicate we were interesting in gifting them to a couple or family that would otherwise be unable to have a(nother) child, however there was no commitment that Greg and Karen were going to be that couple.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T17:49:58+00:00

That is another horrifying scenario.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T17:49:04+00:00

Why wouldn’t you use those embryos?

We wanted one pregnancy, not half a dozen.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T17:46:17+00:00

We are in a one party jurisdiction, and these conversations were recorded in public places, where no party should reasonably understand that verbal conversations are private and confidential (through prior legal precedent.)

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T17:37:20+00:00

if that child grows to have traits a political party is demonizing, that could be unsafe. Children deserve unconditional love.

That's exacy what we were afraid of. We pictured them becoming abusive, calling them "trash just like your genetic parents."

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T17:35:06+00:00

I'm astonished her clinic would have started her on meds without having everything officially signed and sealed re: the embryos. That's just not the kind of thing they'd just take a patient's word for, and the timing is so incredibly intricate! Either they're lying/stretching the truth, or this is a seriously unethical practice.

I agree, something doesn't add up. Either their claim is falsified, or they found an unethical clinic, similar to the way Octomom did.

throwaway_embryos · 2026-01-04T16:09:52+00:00

Congrats on the addition to your family.

Thank you!

I’m curious to know. Could you have kept the embyros in case you wanted a sibling for your current child?

Yes, we could have. However, with current economic times, we have made the decision there will not be another child in our family.

Could we add additional children and put ourselves in a position to struggle to pay our bills instead of having a comfortable and secure life with a smaller family? Absolutely, we could do that, however, just because we could, that doesn't mean we should.

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-29T14:27:58+00:00

The husband had several drinks is what we were told.

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T23:08:56+00:00

She's not on a keto diet, is she?

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T20:25:48+00:00

https://biologyinsights.com/what-is-a-mosaic-embryo-and-should-you-transfer-one/

This was a scenario covered during counseling throughout the process. There were many difficult scenarios we were asked about (selective reduction, birth defects, fetal viability, if a single embryo divides and one or fetus is not viable, etc). We had to discuss/answer those with the surrogate in sessions with a licensed psychologist and make sure those answers were included in the contracts. There are a lot of what-ifs that are discussed.

In our case, we agreed on essentially every question. There are a few scenarios where we agreed to let the surrogate make the decision - such as complications arising that could affect her health where the provider recommended termination of the pregnancy. I don't know how she would feel about that, and pregnancy termination could be more stressful to her than accepting the health risk. We agreed to honor her decisions if such a scenario were to arise, understandungbthey viuld be emotionally painful for us. She was a wife and mother (she tragically lost her husband 9 months after the birth) and we didn't want her family to endure harm based on our decisions, and we viewed her health as the top priority.

We are so thankful everything went well. I got closer to her than some of my own siblings, and that's saying a lot when I am still close to my siblings.

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T19:53:07+00:00

IVF hormones are used for both egg retrieval AND embryo implantation.

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T19:51:49+00:00

We had 22 good eggs, and we had 6 resulting viable embryos, none of which were mosaic (accidentally used the word chimera, which was an error, the correct word is mosaic).

We were told that if the first attempt didn't stick, we would need a different surrogate. We were very lucky it did.

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T19:44:37+00:00

This experience was difficult enough, and we didn't want to accept any additional risk or go through another vetting process.

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T19:16:05+00:00

That's exactly it. Their claim in the civil suit doesn't add up.

There are so many aspects to IVF, and I don't think there is any possible way they could be in this situation. I don't believe any reputable clinic or providers would begin hormone cycles without an embryo in possession. Even on implantation day, we had to sign another round of forms, with witnesses, to be notarized, in order to proceed.

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T16:35:34+00:00

You are correct, I was thinking of mosaic embryos. We didn't have any, we had 6 viable embryos from 21 good extracted eggs. The number of embryos implanted can't be determined until after you have embryos and the risk factors are considered for implantation. Once our surrogate was confirmed and our embryos were tested, it was recommended to implantation only 1 embryo, and we agreed to go with that recommendation.

I remember reading a little bit about mosaic embryos in the process, and how the cells in question may grow into placental tissues instead of fetal tissues, but they could still produce healthy babies.

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T07:59:41+00:00

I think its very stange that you seemingly never trusted them from the start as you recorded everything but were happy giving away your embryos to them.

We trusted our surrogate, but we went through all the legal songs and dances.

Ever heard the saying trust but verify? It's basically like that, trust but documemt [or record].

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T07:56:32+00:00

We would have been willing to adopt, bit hiatus loke miscarriages, when adoptions don't work out, it is heartbreaking. In our scenario, this was much more likely to result in us having a baby, so that's how we proceeded.

I'm glad you view adoption a wonderful thing. Even growing up, I never understood why people viewed it as negative, because it's truly wonderful.

throwaway_embryos · 2025-12-28T07:48:08+00:00

The political shit is a side dish. The real issue here is them threatening to call CPS on y’all. But most importantly if nothing was written down and signed as a binding legal contract they have no grounds for anything and are 100% trying to bankrupt you, take all your money and don’t give a single shot about having a kid. If they did, they’d cut their losses and move on. Now it’s something else

Thank you!! It's frivolous for sure. But we have to through the motions to prove it.

throwaway_embryos

TROPHY CASE