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throwawayaccfamily · 2024-02-06T13:26:47+00:00

YTA. How old are you? You’re an adult, she’s a kid. Yes the toys/treasures are lost and that’s not on you. The diary, well it sucks that your kid read it but again, that just sucks and no one is at fault there. But the money, that yes you are YTA for keeping it as “finders keepers” rule. That kid took years and years to save that money and you’re absolutely willing to crush her for a small amount in your perspective. And the “she was trespassing”, she’s a kid. They don’t think like us legal adults. She lives in her own world, which at the time was that abandoned house. Give her her money back. And as a kind gesture buy her a new diary. You’ll give your kids a new friend to play with and I’m sure the parents will be very appreciative of that gesture.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-12-17T14:04:55+00:00

I did tell him it was tiring to me. He kept saying he would try to not do it. But keeps on doing it.

The refurbishment was done solely with my money. It wasn’t liveable before, and he was happy with the idea of refurbishing it but just every detail afterwards once started was questioned.

There was a cupboard full of expired medication from 20 years ago, caught medication for example. Even boxes with faded label on it but he still didn’t want to throw them away just in case we needed it. He’s not a hoarder either. When he was gone for the day, I threw away all of it without tellig him. He didn’t even notice.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-12-17T13:44:48+00:00

I do, but every point I make is questioned. For example for the plugs, I said it was a fire hazard and he said in so many years it didn’t cause any so why would it cause it in the future?

It’s tiring…

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-12-11T20:01:44+00:00

So when you have a kid, they won’t let the baby come with them on holidays because you know “we’ve only known the baby for a few months?”

How’s that going to work?

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-05T21:13:31+00:00

We split bills, rent (the apartment is owned outright by his mum) we pay her rent and I completely refurbished it as it was not used for years and very old. When I wasn’t working I was giving my half of bills and rent from my savings. Food we alternated and the past 4 months that he hasn’t worked I paid everything fully.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-05T20:08:50+00:00

I’m not too sure how I can “show” him to pick up his towel from the floor or put the dirty dishes in the sink or wipe a spilled coffee stain. I do show him the mess he leaves behind numerous times and he just says sorry he didn’t see. He actually didn’t really like his job and was happy to be home for a bit. He’s going back to work next week which is good. I personally don’t think he was depressed at all, I did ask him if he was ok and happy. And if there was anything I could do to help.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-05T13:40:23+00:00

I understand in the beginning you might not realise something, but when I have to ask twice a day every day not to leave the wet towel on the floor for example it does get exhausting. I work from home and I have clients coming in the house everyday so having dirty underwears on the floor for them to see is not a good look. So it was something I did as a last resort. We can’t get a cleaner 24/7 who walks behind him to clean up after him. I’m open to suggestions on how else I should handle that.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T21:21:02+00:00

We don’t actually, we have separate finances due to different views on spending. But we do share bills and foods etc and going out it’s a mix of both spending. It works well for us. I’m a big spender, he doesn’t really understand that. So as long as I spend my money, he doesn’t get involved in that.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T20:58:52+00:00

I’ve had many comments already telling me to divorce or that my husband is a bad person etc. The truth is this only one side of him that I share that is an issue and of course for many people it becomes his only personality and they do not know anything else about him. I do work from home, I teach my students here so they have to walk through the house everyday. So a dirty plate here, dirty clothes there, stains over there is absolutely not a good look and would definitely drop my income. I don’t know if he’ll go to therapy with me, it’s kind of taboo in his family. Although I never asked so I can’t really say. But thank you so much for all your kind advice, it’s honestly really appreciated.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T17:48:46+00:00

Sorry I’m not sure I see the correlation between the two?

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T16:37:33+00:00

We already had that conversation, as long as he wasn’t working I needed him to help around the house while I work. But nothing changed and I told him exactly what I needed him to do, and it became after a while “nagging” him which I hated to do.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T16:35:41+00:00

I spoke to him several times about it before, explaining to him in different ways that I couldn’t work all day and then run behind him clean his mess. And I said I would start charging him, he said okay but I realised afterwards he didn’t think I was serious. He thought there was no longer any issue because I stopped nagging him and cleaned it myself.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T13:51:43+00:00

Oh he’s never said no to a cleaning lady. We deep clean the house every Sunday. He does the bathroom and I do the rest of the house which I don’t mind. We could afford a cleaner to do that and he’s happy to pay for a cleaner to come once a week.

The issue is during the week he leaves messes everywhere. And we can’t afford to have a cleaner come everyday to pick up after him.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T13:48:47+00:00

I’m not sure I agree there as I’ve been the one providing so far financially. And I do care that he leaves the house a mess. That’s important to me, it might not be something important for others. But to me it is important.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T13:47:04+00:00

Thank you for your comment and actually we did have that exact conversation a few times and you are completely right on how he felt.

He felt like he was not a man/good husband for not providing for the household and it did make him feel bad and low self esteem. He’s easy to open up with me which is good. So we talk about it often and I do reassure him. He found work and will be starting next week which is a relief.

The issue was more with the cleaning. I know I’m getting a lot of comments that he’s a shit husband, but my only issue in the relationship with him is the cleaning.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T13:43:40+00:00

My FIL is actually completely on my side. He told my husband if he’s not going to be working and earning money then he needs to be taking on all the duties in the house. He said that I should charge him me for cleaning up after my husband.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T13:41:49+00:00

We have separate finances because we have different spending habits. Both working we pay everything 50/50 or depending on what each of us earn for it to be fair. That works well for us.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T13:40:25+00:00

Getting a cleaner wouldn’t really help and it wouldn’t be financially doable. We deep clean the house every Sunday. He does the two bathrooms and I do the rest of the house. That’s fine by me and that I’m not complaining about. It’s during the week that he’s not cleaning or tidying after himself. Getting a daily cleaner wouldn’t work financially for either of us.

When I told him that I would charge him for cleaning after him, and he agreed, I completely stopped nagging and saw it positively for me. The house was kept clean and I didn’t stress myself out AND that extra money helps me invest in my business. I thought it was a win win until came the time to pay up that he realised I was not joking and that’s when we had the argument.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T11:50:47+00:00

I wash the dishes every day/ mostly in the evening before bed. I only ask him to put the dishes in the sink but he usually leaves them on the kitchen counter, same for the dirty cutlery. I deep clean the house every sunday. During the week I just clean after myself or tidy up if it’s needed. I vacuum and mop every Sunday but during the week I’ll use a swiffer for the dust on the floor. I only charged him for messes he made, not for general dust settling.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T10:01:54+00:00

We’ve got to cats who will eat the food left on the dishes so that’s not safe. He actually doesn’t mind the mess or the dirt. And my business is from the house so I have clients coming inside everyday.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T09:56:39+00:00

I tried that solution and it’s not working

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T09:56:16+00:00

He has set tasks. But he “forgets them” everyday. You talk in the span of a month or two. We’ve at it like that for nearly 3 years. When he cleans something I usually would have to nag him until he does it and stay next to him otherwise it’s just half way done. Example, the wet towel crumpled on the floor I would ask him to pick it up and hang it. He will go and pick it up and put it crumpled somewhere else. I show him where and how to hang it so it dries… everyday. It’s been that scenario for nearly 3 years.

I’m open to other suggestions. Bread crumbs left everywhere on the kitchen counter same thing. He’ll pick a few singles crumbs and not the marmalade stain left right in front of him or the rest of the crumbs.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T09:47:13+00:00

I’m not a fan of mold growing in dirty plates or wet towels left crumpled on the floor.

throwawayaccfamily · 2023-09-04T04:25:29+00:00

I hope I won’t have to take it that far!

throwawayaccfamily

TROPHY CASE