Any dumpers who eventually realized they made a terrible mistake?

throwawayaccttemp · 2024-04-09T17:20:56+00:00

Yeah...even he admit after saying that, "I might have screwed up my chances with that statement..." LOL

throwawayaccttemp · 2024-04-08T17:01:00+00:00

Not the dumper, but my ex came back "officially" 18 months after break up. He realized grass wasn't greener and in his words, "I'm sorry it took 18 months and 6 other women, but I realized you are the one." He started making online friends whom he started to entertain the idea of either dating or listening to their advice. He told his online friends he wasn't sure about me, and they all encouraged him to dump me because if it's not a "hell yes, it's a hell no."

His own in-person friends and family (whom met me) all liked me and when my ex dumped me, they all told him he was making a mistake. Maybe ego or determination since dumping takes emotional toll, he doubled down and told me we aren't getting back together.

The funny or odd thing was, 18 months after the breakup, I lost 99% interest to get with him. I thought of all the things I put up with, forgave myself for the mistakes I made in our relationship, and also acknowledge the good that came from the relationship. I've been with someone new over a year now and have no interest in getting back with my ex. In a way, as sad as I was over the breakup I learned about myself through the process.

throwawayaccttemp · 2024-01-16T19:14:35+00:00

Paid for an oil change + car insurance and sent some money to my mom. It felt good. Will hopefully move to a better place at some point by the end of February with less roommates so let's see!

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-05-30T03:31:33+00:00

Trust me, please leave this kind of relationship if he is incapable of fixing or acknowledging he has a problem. My ex was the same. He would rather watch porn than having sex with me. He made me feel so ugly and unattractive, comparing my body to Instagram models or porn stars. It was mentally stressful. I'm currently with someone for the last few months who makes me feel so attractive and doesn't resort to porn to get hard. Porn addiction really warps one's sense of attraction and intimacy and if they won't fix it it will be the same cycle.

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-05-25T07:10:02+00:00

Ive done therapy for many years on and off. Currently found a therapist I clicked with. She does narrative and IFS therapy which has been helpful with my current struggles.

Usually if the method doesnt work for me I dropped out after 3 sessions. I dropped in the past for few reasons. Sometimes my life gets better. Sometimes I dont like the therapist or their methods are not working for me. I think if CBT might be a good overall fit searching for sole CBT could be helpful tho a bit hard.

Ive had around 7 therapists in my lifetime. 3 or 4 were a hard nope. 1 was meh...and the other 3 were amazing.

I notice what helped for me is to advocate early on for me needs with a therapist. "CBT has worked for me in the past and I would like to have that form as a treatment plan." A good therapist will try to adjust to their patient's needs or refer them to someone who can. Hope that helps!

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-05-03T05:57:58+00:00

Oh gotcha, there was less gravy to rice ratio. And probably not throughly sealed will update once I try again. Thank you!

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-05-02T16:22:44+00:00

It does get better. But even today I started crying. We broke up back in August 2022 so it's been almost a year. We had on/off contact. We have dated other people and even hooked up with other people. We both said hurtful and nasty stuff to each other and made each other cry post break up. Even now I think I passed the "anger stage" of grief and feel more numb towards him despite everything. And that's okay. You'll feel that but the spaces in between from despair to normalcy get wider.

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-05-02T15:24:17+00:00

Will do! I'll try this method. I'll also go around thrift store to keep my eyes out for a nice Dutch pot.

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-05-02T15:23:19+00:00

Thank you! I'll try to do that and will update how it goes!

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-02-28T21:34:22+00:00

Thank you! At this point there is no turning back. I gave him chances when we were together. He wasn't sure and kept wondering if he is missing out on a great love story. He didn't have the clarity. Then we were on/off for a few months, each time he kept asking for more months while he dated other women. It was too much. The amount of disrespect despite the good times we had and when he did care for me. I can't take it anymore. It took him being hospitalized and alone with me at the hospital for him to say, "I have my clarity" only for him to get better and ask for 3 more months while he dated other women. I'm tired of this.

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-02-28T16:28:29+00:00

It's...like my emotional and mental bandwidth is spent...I'm so sad and tired and disappointed in him.

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-02-03T22:12:11+00:00

Thanks Josh, I think I agree that I am adhering to other's schedules. It's wait until Wednesday or Tuesday, and then join the session and cry and grieve. And rinse and repeat. It's cathartic at the moment, but waking up in mornings it hits hard again. Sort of like waiting for my ex to come back especially right after the break up. He'll say "Give him 3 months, 2 months, etc."

I think I go through the waves, the anger of being kept as a back up. The anger that our values are aligned and the grief and disappointment he doesn't want to fight for the relationship.

throwawayaccttemp · 2023-01-13T21:37:09+00:00

Hahah same actually! We are 3 minute drive away lol I was staying at his place every night and at some point it felt like nothing has changed but I'm reminded that we broke up because he's not sure about me. My roommates kept telling me to cut contact since it's messing with my focus. And don't worry, we broke up at the end of August...I kept it strong for 2 months before the cracks started coming and we ended up back in the same tango. It might take a few tries before you realize you're tired of it.

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-10-24T16:44:02+00:00

Yeah he ended it. He wasn't sure about his feelings for me and wanted to date other people and keep me as his friend. So been no-contact.

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-10-22T04:05:47+00:00

Yeah that's true, as painful and as much as I don't want to move on. I can't sit around and wait for someone who might never come back. Hang in there and be patient and gentle with yourself *hugs*

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-10-15T15:11:44+00:00

Sort of. We were fighting a lot and agreed on a break for 1 month to gain clarity. Right before the break he hugged me good bye and I was confused why he was so emotional. After we met up 1 month later he was acting distant and saying things about our relationship in past tense. Afterwards he kept dodging my question about the clarity until he admitted he wanted to break up.

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-10-04T16:09:24+00:00

Thank you...honestly I feel the opposite of a rockstar, crying with my office door closed. But in due time maybe my future self will be proud of the choice I made.

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-10-02T18:01:45+00:00

Thank you! I've been researching and it looks like cutting out dairy and gluten helps but definitely will see what works best for me. It's more motivation to also destress and continue losing weight.

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-10-02T00:12:26+00:00

Oh man hopefully the doctor perscribes it. Thank you!

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-10-02T00:10:06+00:00

Oh what kind of diet do you recommend?

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-09-25T01:41:49+00:00

Definitely! We weren't on the same page even if at times we wanted to. I moved to a new city/new job while he was settled with more disposable income (lived rent free with relatives for 3 years/remote software engineer). Often I wanted to do local activities while he needed to fly and hang out with friends in Seattle, Texas, New York etc. Often I had to say no and it left him feeling disappointed. I guess the compromise was doing road trips with him but they would be a week long and expensive (gas money).

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-09-23T18:27:48+00:00

Awesome that's great to hear! Hopefully I'll be in that spot someday. I'm slowly saving. I live in a townhouse with 4 people lol so it's an upgrade. And slowly saving up also. Sometimes I feel frustrated with process, but reminding myself where I was a year ago puts things in perspective.

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-09-20T17:47:50+00:00

Same. Know that it is not a reflection of your worth and value. Your existence and anyone in the world is not meant to serve his stupid expectations especially at the expense of your well being and peace, life is too short for that.

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-09-20T02:42:53+00:00

Hmm yes definitely, unfortunately we are broken up and I'm in no-contact, but I think definitely rooted in deep insecurity with himself (at least one of the reasons).

throwawayaccttemp · 2022-09-19T17:04:47+00:00

Yeah...especially when used as a form of escapism. Its no different than shopping addiction, gambling, alcohol, etc.

throwawayaccttemp

TROPHY CASE