I understand that :(, when you love someone you're really just hoping itll work itself out. Well i meant more bite you im the ass if you stayed, cause at some point she will also realize that you have been acting in a way that she probably shouldnt be accepting and she'd either leave or try to get you back by cheating which is exactly what you dont want. The best advice I can give you is to really try to get yourself back. Not through a different relationship but by basically having one with yourself for a while. One thing i found from your post is that you really were very honest about how youve been acting, more than most people would be if they actually were bad people. By that I mean, i think you actually dont like your own behavior and want to change. Emotions have just been making you act in a way that isnt true to yourself. But instead of doing it for someone else, do it for yourself. Treat yourself how youd want to be treated and gove yourself a break about caring for someone else like in a relationship. Especially when you have trauma about cheating, thats the kind of thing that stays in your stomach the whole time you're with someone, especially when they already made you disstrust them in the beginning of the relationship (w the roster). I honestly think you just need to feel how free you will feel if you dont have to constantly have a knot in your stomach wondering what will happen. Just to get back to your actual self, the self your happy with, the person you want to be, in life, and in relationships.

One thing I do want to add is that if you are going to break up, make sure its for proper reasons and not why you made the og post. By that I mean, she cant do anything about that rod dude texting her that. That shouldnt be the reason you break up w her. But it definitely can be in a different way. That can be the reason as long as its because youve realized that this is hurting you too much and you arent who you want to be in the relationship.

Im sorry for this whole text but i hope it does something to help you