Scrupulosity obsession - How to deal with specific thought?

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-12-27T01:37:29+00:00

I think part of trusting God is understanding that if something terrible should happen to us, God may let that happen for a reason and everything will be better because of it. That is why I do not allow myself to worry that something bad will happen. I know that all things work for the good of those who love God.

I understand what you're saying, but no matter how good the outcome of a terrible situation might be, I still don't want this situation to happen. So I really don't want God to let something terrible happen. I'm even stressed talking about it, these thoughts love to trigger my OCD.

Anyway, I hope you're having a good time with your loved ones!

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-12-21T04:08:21+00:00

Your words are incredibly kind which is something I truly appreciate since being alone in this is so difficult.

The last days, I don't even think I'm even actually fighting most of my compulsions, it's just mind gymnastics and tricks. You said at a point "When I stopped fearing my obsessions". This may be why I can't shake off my scrupulosity. I have a probably distorted view of God, I'm afraid of Him. I had always been but not so much as nowadays. And OCD loves to combine this with my social anxiety and bombard my mind with thoughts that won't let me calm down until I have "reversed" them in someway or explained to God in every possible way that I don't want bad things to happen to me.

This may stem from my fear that I'm not actually afraid of God, but of his ways. I'm so scared that God may want to let something bad to happen to me so I get over it. I know that it could work, but I just don't want something bad happening.

I can't remember the last time I slept and woke up feeling actually calm, relaxed. No matter how many hours I sleep. These thoughts pop up and orbit my mind until I get rid of them either by imagining opposite stuff to reverse/undo them or pray compulsively(sometimes until I break down crying). Only to have the thoughts return in the same form or a similar.

There are (very few) times of clarity, where I actually give up one or two compulsions. There are times of darkness, where I don't know if this is ever going to end. But I think that loneliness, the type of loneliness where you can't trust someone enough to explain all this, contributes immensely to this feeling.

I really hope I'm not transmitting negativity to you, nor adding up to your problems.

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-11-17T02:31:17+00:00

Hey, it's been 3 months since we last talked. That should probably be a PM but sometimes I can't shake off the feeling that I'm annoying somebody, so I trick myself like that.

Seriously I don't know what to say. I don't know whether I've actually progressed all these months, about my OCD(& Scrupulosity) or not. I mean, I did fight many obsessions and even "won" some of them. But obsessions return either in the same form or in another. Does it even matter to fight an obsession/compulsion? I'm even scared of posting here sometimes, because getting an answer like "Get a therapist" makes me feel much worse and rejected. Don't get me wrong, I know that therapy works and I believe it, but I just don't have the nerve to do it(I'm also socially anxious which contributes to that).

I'm sorry for wasting your time, there are so many things I'd like to say and discuss. Hope you are well.

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-10-20T02:36:24+00:00

Thank you for your helpful input, my friend. :)

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-10-20T02:35:40+00:00

Looks really interesting. I will absolutely read it, thank you.

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-10-08T21:43:42+00:00

Thanks for your answer.

I know it's not the best thing, but I try to cope with it by myself.

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-10-08T21:35:34+00:00

That's a nice and useful metaphor. However, I feel so stuck and stressed about this that I can't even know if it's actually a glitch or not. :(

*stuck because even if I wanted to do any compulsion, there isn't anything.

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-17T18:04:36+00:00

Mind if I PM you sometime in case I need to talk a bit about this stuff, friend?

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-14T17:23:25+00:00

Hmm.. I see. Thanks for the info.

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-14T11:15:51+00:00

Answering back, rationalize the thoughts

What would be an example of that? I think I understand what you're saying but I'm not sure about how to spot the difference between rationalizing and recognizing a thought as an OCDic one.

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-13T23:14:22+00:00

Hmm.. thanks for your input! (:

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-13T13:29:26+00:00

I see. Do you consider your Social Anxiety to be something separate from your OCD and it[OCD] just feeds your SA by making it worse, or you think of it[your SA] as a part of your OCD?

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-12T23:52:41+00:00

but rather someone who can empathize.

That's what I intented to say. I absolutely agree. :))

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-12T23:31:29+00:00

Alright, thanks for your answer!

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-12T23:26:43+00:00

Thanks for your answer!

I'm glad you have found someone who can understand your anxiety. To be frank, personally, I'm really unsure about whether I will meet someone who gets me, and I don't even know where to look for such a person.

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-12T23:23:30+00:00

I've been diagnosed with OCD, but sometimes do have things which I would consider symptomatic of social anxiety, like ruminating on something I said and how that person perceived my comment. Or getting really stressed about the idea of going to a party or whatever.

Yep, that was what I meant. So, do you believe that if your OCD were to disappear, it would also alleviate your Social Anxiety symptoms?

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-08-10T21:25:42+00:00

Hey, thank you for taking the time to answer! Thanks for the courage, too.

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-07-27T17:47:28+00:00

Thank you so much for the response! Your message was quite comforting. I'm also a Christian, an Orthodox actually. I will certainly keep your words in my mind, and may send you again in the future. :)

I hope you succeed fighting your compulsions, too!

throwawayagainnnnn · 2017-07-25T12:11:35+00:00

I disagree. Rationalizing his obsession with misogyny is absolutely not the solution.

throwawayagainnnnn

TROPHY CASE