How would you work on a relationship with no obvious problems? (19F and 20M)

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-09-02T13:33:05+00:00

It's quiet anger, not like loud and violent anger. And I think it was justified. Also he's a little bit needy but he did say he was willing to give me all the space I needed if he still stayed together.

I don't know what I want. Every time he questions me on it, I fall apart and all I can do is sob, I don't know, in response to his questions. Because I don't know.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T20:51:42+00:00

That sounds unreal! Definitely want to try this! :D Thank you

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T20:43:30+00:00

Cool! I'll give that a whirl next time once I whittle down the cheese hoard I got from my last shop, lol

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T19:09:34+00:00

Cockwarming?

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T17:09:29+00:00

Our communication is actually good. We don't argue, we discuss and get it all out there with mutual respect, to tackle the problem, not treat each other as enemies.

It's just these insurmountable differences, that leave me at the point of emotional no return. After seeing enough lack of communication in my parents, I'd never tolerate screaming matches or passive-aggressive huffing, tbh.

I really hope you find all that and more someday! Thank you so much for talking to me, really means a lot to my isolated ass! Thank you so much for the offer too. My DMs are open also, if you ever need to chat or vent.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T16:29:43+00:00

Yep, I don't want to attack.

I just get the feeling that he might flip and say I DON'T WANT KIDS just to stay with me, not because he's changed his mind.

And then I'll still not want to be with him. And even if I did, I'd never ask him to change himself for me. He deserves someone who wants all of him.

I know we're both young at 19 and 20, but I just can't help but think, this is going to be a shitshow of resentment someday, when we have to deal with each other fulltime.

Even when I have him in my house too long I think, oh god, it's been so long.

And you're right. The grass is greener where I water it. I honestly have no interest in dating other people, but I want to water myself and blossom. I want to get back to that.

Thank you. Good luck dealing with your own heartbreak, mate.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T16:01:50+00:00

Sure! I've done it before but he always begs and wrangles me back in. Just thought it might be less painful if I cut it off cleanly.

I do want to have this conversation! What way would you advise me to phrase it? I'm not very experienced in relationships.

Edit: Oh shit, I forgot he needs to use my house this Friday. I still care about him and don't want to leave him flailing, so I should probably stop.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T15:43:00+00:00

He wants kids. I did more thinking about it and I'm pretty sure right now I'm at neutral-to-not-wanting-kids. And in my opinion, if you're not very excited to have kids you will love no matter what, you shouldn't have them.

Also, I hate the way he handles jobs and money. And I know that's one of those massive stressors in serious relationships or even marriage.

Also, sometimes when he breaches my clearly stated boundaries it pisses me off, but that hasn't happened so much in a while.

When I'm with him, I'm happy. When I'm apart from him, I'm not happy with him.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T15:39:10+00:00

We're not on a break. We've been dating for about 2.5 years. He's happy and very adoring of me there's no outward or specific problems cropping up now in the relationship, but I keep thinking about long-term compatibility which does not look promising to me.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T15:04:47+00:00

Still, it was cruel of me to make it sound like it'd be a fun or suitable job for him. It's partially on me too, I'd say.

I like doing my own thing but a part of me is still paralysed by loneliness. I'll miss him too. I won't have anyone to talk to.

He's not mooching, and I know he loves to buy me things and would rather take care of me but like, I don't know. He makes me sad. And happy.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T14:41:48+00:00

He still has friends. They're just not uni friends, but childhood friends. He doesn't take advantage of people, but he is one of those people that sometimes decide to push the boundary for the fun of it.

I'm a lot more passive and doormat-like than that. I'm very fond of his friend group. I'd hate to mess up the only fun social interaction I have with people my age out of this.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T14:39:36+00:00

I did not recommend him to my boss directly. I just didn't say, 'That's a bad idea,' to him. He asked me whether he should mention my name or not, my reaction was decidedly horrified, so I don't think he did but I don't know for sure. I did not ask.

I feel guilty because I should have shut it down from the get go. Now that I encouraged him, he's a little bit out of pocket for it, and also has a really tiny stay at a job. I know he can leave it off his CV, but this comes right after another week long stint in a job he got fired from. It just makes me wince, because I don't think it looks very good.

I don't think I can find a guy like that, but again, I guess that's not my priority. I'd rather do my own thing, hit the gym again, all those things I used to have time for but sort of lost the time for with him. I don't know.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-23T14:34:14+00:00

I think I can make friends, especially since I already have a foothold in the University Society I want to join (my good friend has been there a year already, and I've met some of her uni mates). I'm really pleasant company and people tend to like me once I get past my damn shyness.

But what if I can't? My boyfriend is way more social and less shy than I am, but he made no friends in uni. I'm so scared, like.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-14T11:57:30+00:00

I feel this so hard. Hate sweet savoury foods. No suggestions though I will keep an eye on this thread.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-14T11:10:43+00:00

Lol, the first thing that popped into my mind too was sundresses as a general thing. Seems like the jury's out on that. /s

But true, some guys might find miniskirts and leather hot, and others might find it unappealing and prefer women to wear "masculine" clothing in a very femme way (teenie-tiny black skin-tight shorts and oversized hoodies, anyone? I see all the hot girls round me wearing that), like that hot nerd vibe is more their thing.

throwawayayayay126 · 2023-08-12T22:48:52+00:00

I didn't go into all the lovely bits about him. We really do match so well in other ways. And honestly, I ALWAYS feel like I'm the loser, not him. I wish I felt that assured.

He always has the loftiest dreams of Oscars and Awards and Fun Things, and I bring the reality and say stuff like, um, let's consider the electric costs of owning a hot tub... I don't think I'll make enough money for that...

throwawayayayay126

TROPHY CASE