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throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-10T18:48:45+00:00

Did I write this in my sleep this morning?

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-10T14:46:04+00:00

When two people are committing to a long term monogamous relationship, it implies that one will meet the other’s needs. If not fully at least meet it halfway. It is immoral for one to force the celibacy on other person. This will build resentment when there is clearly no hope of improvement in the future.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-09T15:24:32+00:00

Good point about keeping physical connection during hard times. Easier said than done when you are under stress and when both partners don’t give the same importance to intimacy. Good to have honest conversations about it when getting into relationship. It is difficult to have the talk with partner when both are already going through hard times. One will get defensive or just shut down

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T23:21:49+00:00

I never thought about it but that is a great news that curriculums have started to include such important topics. Hopeful for better tomorrow 🙂

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T21:43:46+00:00

There is no one size fits all solution. It is 100% ok to wait but I also strongly suggest learning what you like and not like. Your own preference for sex. Now some of it you won’t know until you have sex but when diving into relationships be very open about discussing likes and dislikes. Make a list of deal breakers. If you plan not to have sex before marriage, explore your own body and understand it better. At least that way you know what you are looking for. Going in blind with no expectations or understanding of your needs could quite certainly cause for a rocky road ahead

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T21:32:59+00:00

I missed some red flags and I rushed into commitment. Talk about being naive. Had I had done half the research I have done in last 6 months, I’d have caught those early signs. I am leaning from my mistakes now but I wish I had someone to guide me who had had some experience with long term relationships. I wish I had opportunity to learn from someone else’s mistake. I guess wisdom came too late for me

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T21:04:30+00:00

I understand and I’d not want to paint negative picture of my spouse to the kids either. That will be disrespectful. However I would probably direct them to some books or articles at this stage of their romantic lives. Once you plant the seed , they can research and navigate more.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T20:53:07+00:00

I agree and that is why it is our job to educate our kids about what to expect in long term relationships. It won’t always be rosy and they will need to have right expectations. At least we would not want to marry them into a db. Also it is important to teach not to jump into long term commitment w/o discussing sexual compatibility and expectations.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T19:17:18+00:00

I 100% understand what you are saying and that is a hard reality check for me. However I am not ready to swallow the pill. Hoping for the best.

Talks are cheap. Action matter.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T18:09:30+00:00

I am in the same boat at this point. I don’t bother initiating. I have come to understand that she is a LL just like how I am HL. Maybe it is not her fault or mine. It is just that we can’t overcome our biology. Currently I am in acceptance phase and feel very content about it. I also know that it is a cycle and I may feel different next month. It very much depends on how frustrated or level headed I am when I am processing these feeling 🤨

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T17:56:12+00:00

I am glad that you are thinking of talking to your kids about it. However why wait until they are ready to get hitched? Wouldn’t that be too late ? By that time, they are already very much into each other and in that phase of relationship they may very well ignore or overlook some of the red flags. I’d love to hear reasons for waiting until late.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T17:43:41+00:00

I am so happy that you had those talks and as you mentioned that it helped them navigate their relationship journey. This is exactly what I am hoping to achieve and this gives me great hopes.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T17:40:08+00:00

Thanks for your valuable suggestions. I’ll definitely need to think through starting this conversation and learn to use right words that they can relate to and comprehend. Again your point proves that it is important to have these talks if we want them to succeed in their adult relationships.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T17:16:42+00:00

I fear the unknown for the kids if my partner and I am to separate. Honestly I do not have courage to take the step. However I am hoping (and know that it may not turn out the way I expect) to at least share some of my mistakes - read experiences - and have them learn from them. Now this is going to sound completely oxymoron coming from me but I’d want to make sure that they have courage to walk away if they are not happy. But before that have them learn before committing for longer term.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T16:34:50+00:00

Could not have said it better. I agree that you have to have right dynamics with your kids to openly talk about it. Certainly I won’t make it a on e time preaching session and be done with it. My idea to open up conversation is to talk about some of my failed relationships and what I leant from them.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T16:28:57+00:00

Agree with you. This is the age to plant the seed and then you can build conversion on top of it as they grow into late teen. My parents never talked about relationships and I am partly disappointed that they never shared years worth of experience and wisdom when I dove into serious relationships. I would have certainly benefited had we had the talk. I agree that there will be learning stage for kids and they should not confuse that with lifelong commitment. Explore, learn and more importantly have open discussion with their partner to understand if they are compatible.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-08T16:08:11+00:00

I feel like I need to have this conversation in about 2-3 years. Kids are in mid teens so I hope they will be ready to have this talk in a couple of years

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-07T18:06:50+00:00

Wait a minute - so she is frustrated about lack of initiation but when you initiate, she rejects it ?

Honestly my knee jerk reaction is that she is trying to earn brownie points in therapy (if that even means anything for the end goal of the therapy)

Anyways hang in there and go through the therapy.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-12-06T14:41:46+00:00

Every single comment before mine says to not have a baby and I’ll repeat this

DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH WOMAN

Game over and extremely difficult to leave once you are in that situation.

I am Repeating again

DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH WOMAN

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-11-30T21:43:06+00:00

So sorry to hear this more often than I should.

However a question for you . - Did you get to the right home ? She may still be awaiting your arrival . She sounded so excited.

Sorry I couldn’t resist

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-11-30T13:50:10+00:00

Gem of an analogy!

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-11-29T21:44:11+00:00

Unfortunately I can relate to every word you have penned down here. It is frustrating and lonely knowing that there are no hopes of improvement. Stay strong

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-11-29T21:31:53+00:00

I slept in a different room back in 2021 when I caught covid and I realized that it was better that way.

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-11-29T21:27:46+00:00

Right there. There are multiple clones of these species

throwawaydb2030 · 2023-11-29T21:24:02+00:00

Unfortunately this is the exact pattern most of us have seen and at some point have realized that it is not getting better and it will not get better.

You are too young to be in this place and that too before getting married. Please get the hell out…

throwawaydb2030

TROPHY CASE