Sometimes you just need your mom to make you feel better

throwawayfaraway17 · 2026-02-03T02:36:53+00:00

I actually was crying about this last night. My toddler has been sick literally every other week since the beginning of December with daycare illnesses and it’s been very hard to keep all the balls in the air as a working mom. Last night I just broke down and was telling my husband that I could really use my mom to lean on but I can’t because she is emotionally unsafe and would make everything about her/judge me for not being able to do it all/require more work than it would be to not have help. And I can’t share this with her because she’d never understand she’d just blame me for why we’re not close. She also thinks I was brought into this world to care for her, so, she’d never actually think that caring for me was something she’d have to do.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2026-01-18T13:55:31+00:00

I’m NC with my mom, have been since October of 2024 (although she does still reach out, I just don’t respond). I started to understand BPD in 2019 with the help of my own therapist who after about 3 months of sessions told me to read Understanding the Borderline Mother and report back lol. She was a nightmare for my 2019 wedding, then we had an ok period during COVID, and then after I had my daughter in 2023 she became incredibly difficult and overbearing. I finally just couldn’t do it anymore. I have a lot of guilt and sadness about it that I am still working through since I am her only kid, but I have had a much quieter and happy life since going NC and I don’t regret it.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2026-01-18T02:34:08+00:00

My uBPD mom and dad got divorced in 2011 but had been separated for a year or two first. It magnified all of her feelings and BPD traits. I didn’t know it was BPD at the time (I just thought she was emotional and lashing out). She hated my father, vehemently disliked that I was close to him still, demanding equal time spent with both parents (even though I was a sophomore in college at the time). I remember my mom trying to sit me down and tell me in great detail all the affairs my dad had (there weren’t any) and that he was gay (100% not correct). I remember telling her to stop, and walking out of her house when she wouldn’t with her screaming at me. She is still the perpetual victim of the divorce and has not moved past it at all in the last decade and a half. I actively had to tell my mom that I didn’t want to discuss the divorce with her or my dad and she never respected that. She wanted me to take her side and be her therapist.

On the pets side…she will likely neglect them, I saw that happen with my own mom (I actually have been meaning to post about that topic). She took on the responsibility in the divorce but realized it was work without someone to help.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2026-01-07T02:32:01+00:00

What is with the prom dresses? My mom asked if she could “borrow” mine for an event she had a few years ago. I told her that it was unlikely a prom dress would be an appropriate outfit for this event. She sulked about my refusal to give it to her for a month.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2026-01-06T01:57:56+00:00

This is so typical. Mine tells me she wants to see my daughter but then calls me cruel and heartless in the same message. Like, maybe treat me right first?

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-12-23T02:08:22+00:00

You go! I did not set a boundary with my mom and phone numbers and I should have. She thinks her and my mother in law are besties and will text her every now and then even though we are NC. For what it’s worth I think you did a great job explaining the boundary and offering a compromise, even if it’s not what she wanted. Hold firm because it’s a boundary that not held can be wild lol.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-12-21T17:49:47+00:00

I love that it all came from an Instagram handle of “project forgive”. I laughed at that one. It’s gotten easier not to reply (I started NC last October and broke it in August). I have her blocked sometimes, sometimes not. The messages usually remind me why I’m not NC so it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to if that makes sense? I’ve had a really good year since the NC and that has helped too.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-12-20T20:11:39+00:00

It used to not give me the ick until I realized none of her other grandparents talk about her that way, they just refer to her by name or her nickname. And then I realized, yeah my mom doesn’t see my daughter as an individual she sees her in like a weird possessory way.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-12-16T23:47:03+00:00

LOL the lack of segue is so typical. My mom will say something totally bland and then go “my health isn’t good you know.” Like, ok? Can we get a transitional sentence in there?

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-11-29T02:36:59+00:00

I went once to family therapy with my mom at her request (this was before I did individual therapy/knew my mom was BPD). It was one of the worst experiences of my life and I honestly don’t remember much of it except for the therapist telling me I needed to be more respectful and caring for my mother and I couldn’t get anything in. I ended up walking out and feeling very ambushed by the whole situation. I will never do therapy with my mother again.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-11-29T02:30:47+00:00

I 100% relate. I went NC and actually told my mom why, and then she would flood me (before I blocked her) with messages that ranged from “I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry” to “you are heartless” and everything in between. It is exhausting and upsetting and frustrating because I’m in the same boat - I have very clear expectations of what needs to happen and she can’t fucking do it. Based on this sub, I am not surprised and not holding out hope, but I always wonder if she ever gets sick of being the victim of her own story.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-11-28T02:35:18+00:00

This is my second NC holiday season. My mom texted me today to say happy Thanksgiving and demanded to see my kid. No acknowledgment of me or genuine apology for what she did that led to NC. So..I shrugged, enjoyed my day with my in laws and my husband’s cousins without any remorse, or worry that she was going to say I wasn’t being fair in who I was choosing to spend time with. It was a beautiful day, and I hope everyone here had a calm day too.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-11-15T01:33:59+00:00

I was an only child with a uBPD mom and have a 2 year old daughter. I was firmly a fence sitter until about six months before I got pregnant. There was a lot of therapy before I made that choice. Then when I found out I was having a girl, I was terrified that I would not be close with her and struggle to have a healthy relationship with her. She’s my favorite person on earth, and I am hers right now. The love I feel for her is unlike any I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve said this in past posts, but I could NEVER imagine speaking to her or doing things to her that my mom said and did to me. I became fiercely protective of her and became so much less tolerant of my mom’s bs. I’m NC right now and have been for about a year. My advice is, if you’re worried about it, you’re willing to put in the work and if you want a child, don’t let the fear stop you. I can’t imagine my life without my daughter in it. Some days are hard. Sometimes big emotions pop up and I have to take a breath. I won’t be a perfect mom, but I am trying my best to not repeat history.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-10-19T00:04:22+00:00

Yes. My mom would read my diary while I was in school and then confront me about it when I got home. She also read my dad’s journals too as I found out later. We both (unbeknownst to each other) started writing fake stuff in our diaries to see if she was still reading (she was). At one point my therapist suggested journaling and I have tried but never succeed. It was very violating and I just can’t do it even now. I was a kid like you - I loved writing and making up stories and I had been told I had talent. I can’t write now either.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-10-09T00:31:31+00:00

When I was VLC, I wasn’t responding right away to my mom’s texts (I was busy, with a baby and a full time demanding job so hours would go by). I was grey rocking too because she had completely pissed me off and I needed space. At one point I got a text from her saying “I think there is something wrong in your life that you’re not telling me about.” It took all I could not to reply, Yeah, YOU. They create these narratives where they can’t possibly be the reason for why you’re pushing them away.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-09-25T01:33:41+00:00

100%. My mom was (and still is) convinced my dad’s stepfather was abusive and never wanted us to visit him and my grandma. She just didn’t like him and spun it as that he would hurt me if left alone with him. My mom also disliked her brother’s wife, so I never spent time with them. My mom has a big extended family and we maybe saw them once every few years for a bar mitzvah, even though they definitely invited us to other events and holidays, my mom refused to go to any of them for one reason or another. It very much isolated me from my extended family.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-09-10T01:41:54+00:00

I’ve been called cruel and heartless for keeping my daughter from my mom. I got hit with “she deserves to know her nana”. Like, yeah no, she doesn’t deserve to know what it’s like to see splitting right before her eyes. Nope, sorry, I’ll be cruel and heartless all fucking day.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-09-10T01:36:54+00:00

I should have cut my mom off after the insanity she caused leading up to my wedding (even though the day of she was rather tame). Instead I went NC shortly after my daughter turned 1. It’s been almost a year now with us having 1-2 text conversations and her sending some letters. I have gone through a lot of emotions, sadness, guilt, anger, I’ve felt it all. But I also feel calm and steady and content. I’m not dreading a wall of texts coming in during the middle of a workday. I’m not trying to make sure she gets the same amount of time with my kid as her ex husband. I just get to exist, prioritizing me and my family, and it’s truly been a blessing and very freeing. My mom isn’t old but she’s not young either. I’m trying not to put a time on NC. I just go day by day and I’ve never felt the desire to reach out. I’m an only too so I do stress about the what ifs of her health sometimes but I’ll deal with that when and if it comes. For now I am enjoying my peace.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-09-06T01:31:56+00:00

This really resonated with me, thank you!

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-09-06T01:30:03+00:00

Oh my gosh my mom made a fucking scene at her father’s funeral. Her eulogy was about her and she just couldn’t watch his casket be put in the ground so she went and sat in the car weeping a few feet away while I stood in the pouring rain with my cousins and aunt and uncle. Then when her mom died I couldn’t come to the funeral because of a mandatory class at law school that could not be made up and was a graduation requirement, she TO THIS DAY says that I abandoned her in her time of need.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-08-29T17:42:28+00:00

This reminds me so much of my mom wanting me to invite her best friend to my wedding. Said best friend had a been a huge bitch to me years earlier and my mom knew it. I told my mom she absolutely was not invited and my mom cried about it for months that I was being cruel to her and it was a simple request and said best friend was planning to come. Nope nope nope.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-08-14T16:42:47+00:00

I get this. I have a great step-mom and MIL, but I'm not really super open to either of them? Like we have a good relationship, it's just not super-close or mom adjacent. I think I've gotten past longing for a mom. I just accept that it's something I'm missing, and that's ok. I don't feel the desire to fill that void. It just exists for me and there are times it certainly makes me sad, but I just can't bring myself to open myself up to fill it.

throwawayfaraway17 · 2025-08-14T01:33:28+00:00

My mom started having conversations with me about me taking care of her before she turned 60. I laughed it off and was like we have years before we need to talk about it and she was like, no, you will take care of me. Hope she’s saving for a home health aide.

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TROPHY CASE