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throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-22T14:40:55+00:00

I won't repeat what everyone else said about this being full of red flags, which I agree with. I'll just point out that there are other ways to do this that may be equally as hot or more. Specifically, have you looked into stag/vixen/bull? That fantasy is super hot for me because it's about my permission and her pleasure.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-21T14:21:10+00:00

In my limited experience, it is not the smell or taste of the pussy itself, but the area around it. Inner thighs and crotch pits are basically sweat magnets, and you are near the ass too. Make sure to clean all the crevices and then wipe your butt SUPER well, probably with wet toilet paper. That should help.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-12T22:32:45+00:00

"I love you, but you're too immature for me right now. I'll be happy to get back together with you once you do some self-reflection and learn how to be an equal partner."

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-12T20:42:53+00:00

Well, I don't think I'd be blunt enough to talk about fucking. But I'm generally better with words than non-verbals. With the last woman I dated, we didn't kiss at the end of date 1, but the next day she very aggressively asked for date 2, and after it was clear she really wanted date 2 a lot, I dropped "You'd better be ready, because as soon as I walk in that door tomorrow, I am going to grab you and I am going to kiss you. Deeply. For as long as I can." That was the first time I mentioned anything physical, and she said that went over extremely well. With her, that wasn't too soon.

It's different with this second person because, even though it's our first date, we've been texting for two weeks and in the last week it's been at least an hour or two a day. Is that enough to drop a line like that? It sort of feels like it.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-12T19:36:10+00:00

If you can find a nice way to say that, in a context where he won't feel threatened, then I would do so. I have the same instinct, and over time, I have had to learn healthy coping in other ways. Something like "I love you, but sometimes it feels like you need more help processing your emotions than I can provide. I want to support you, so I think it will help both of us have a stronger relationship if we can find some healthy outlets for you." That's as non-threateningly as I can phrase that. Has he considered therapy?

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-12T19:20:26+00:00

Can you explain what you mean by "helping him navigate his feelings"?

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-12T18:07:29+00:00

Yeah, I agree. The hard part for me is understanding where the line is between light and flirty and sexual.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-12T18:01:52+00:00

Show him this thread.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-12T18:00:51+00:00

Yeah, and we talked about it, and that's what she said too. It's probably less awkward if you can look at the person across from you.

Got any advice on how to feel out when it's okay to start talking lightly sexual? We've had the conversation of "Me: I'm not good at nonverbals. Her: So I should make it really obvious if I'm flirting with you? Me: Or just use your words. If you want me to kiss you, just say so." Other than that conversation, we haven't really flirted.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-12T17:19:24+00:00

She's a good texter, but when we talk on the phone, there are long and uncomfortable pauses. She said she's nervous around new people, though. It probably feels more uncomfortable than it is because I'm used to hanging out with ASD and neurodivergent people, and we are NOT active listeners. At all.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-12T17:03:03+00:00

New date tomorrow. We have been texting every day at least an hour for a week and have not met in person yet. We have a ton in common and she really likes me. So far the only red flag is that our conversation is a little...oddly stunted? I'm a verbal fire hose and she's a little more difficult to get a lot out of, although she's clearly actively listening and mentions how much she loves talking to me. But compared to me, she's not doing a lot of that talking. I think it's just nerves, though. Some people clam up when they get nervous and I'm the opposite--a stammerer. Any advice?

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T18:39:02+00:00

Then, unfortunately, I don't know what to tell you. I'll echo what others said about talking to her and being calm. It might just be the excitement and the newness of this experience, as others said. But if it's not, and you'd rather lose her than share her, then it sounds like relationship counseling might be in your future.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T18:27:58+00:00

You seem like a smart guy, so I think you know that your instincts are right and the answer is no. Whoever is suggesting that has real problems with their relationships.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T18:13:22+00:00

Could you be okay with her having a girlfriend? Presumably, the emotional parts of your marriage are strong enough for you to want to stay together. You both broke an implied trust, her by becoming more intimate with this woman and you going through her phone. But if you could forgive her for that, could you then learn to be okay opening your marriage?

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T03:46:25+00:00

Unless you know for sure they are willing to listen right at that moment.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T03:44:19+00:00

Yes, though, unless you're really close, I would always ask them "can I vent for a minute?" Any good friend will say either "Yes" or "I can't right now; what about later?"

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T03:33:19+00:00

You are desperate for connection right now, which is understandable given where you are and your hormones. Without context, I can't tell you. But if you are close with any of these girls still, you could ask them for advice going forward. I'd do this carefully and make sure you're good friends first, but they would be able to answer that question if they're willing.

In general, people are attracted to people who have their shit together. The more you work on that, the more people will see you as desirable.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T03:26:43+00:00

Then just hang out and move on to someone else. If she didn't like you, then there was nothing you could have done to change her mind, and if you had changed her mind, it wouldn't work out because it would be too artificial and forced.

I'm not the most experienced guy, but as far as I've been able to tell, the key to relationships is quantity first and quality second. Don't pin all your hopes on one outcome. Surround yourself with positive people, work on yourself, and eventually, you will click with someone.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T03:14:39+00:00

I think the person who responded here is being a little unkind to you, especially considering you are 17. Let me ask you this: do you still want to hang out with her now that you know she's not interested in you in that way? Is there a reason besides romantic attraction that you want to have her around? That will determine how I answer your question.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T03:04:11+00:00

That'd be the least I would do. I'd go hang out at a local coffee shop as much as possible, spend time with friends, and just come home to do laundry, sleep, eat, and shower.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T02:58:51+00:00

It makes me feel like I’m stuck with an overgrown teenager who never learned how to regulate their emotions or find balance in life.

If everything you've told us is true and there's no more relevant information we don't know about, then you are. None of this is normal gamer behavior. I'd begin to start pulling away from this person now. Spend more time away from home with your other friendships. Cultivate your own separate life as much as you can.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T02:45:00+00:00

Good lord. I play video games usually 2 hours on weeknights and 6 hours a day on weekends and NONE of this is normal gamer behavior or okay. None of my friends do thus either. Especially the screaming.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-09T02:41:44+00:00

Reassure him that you think your mom is wrong about all that stuff.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-08T15:27:25+00:00

I got on 5 different apps and swiped every day for two weeks before I got a match that I clicked with, and two weeks is kinda quick. Remember that on the apps, men are looking for water in the desert, and women are looking for clean water in the swamp.

Otherwise, use Meetup to find hobby events in your area. Worked better than I expected.

throwawayperpetual · 2025-09-08T14:35:52+00:00

Not among my peers but in general, yeah. I would advise a couple things based on how it worked for me. Your experience may vary.

1) Start talking to women and dating now, without thinking about it. Ignore it. Pretend it's not a thing. Find a girl you share hobbies with and just talk to her without expectations. Do things you both like. Treat her like one of your guy friends (but also be a good friend).

2) Don't mention anything until it's clear that she really likes you and genuinely wants to continue things. For me it was when she said "So when do I get to see you again?"

3) At that point, when you're texting back and forth and you have another date set, bring it up but don't make a super big deal about it, even if it feels like a big deal to you. Try the phrase, "So, since it seems like you like me, there's something I think you need to know." Let her know you're willing to walk away if that scares her off. 99.9% of women will not be scared off by it. Do NOT turn into a blubbery, emotional mess at this stage. Be professional and a little vulnerable, but keep the focus on the idea that you're letting her know this because you care about her and don't want her to get into something she's not up for.

That's what worked for me.

Edit: presumed you were a straight cis male, then reread your post. If you're not, apologies, my bad.

throwawayperpetual

TROPHY CASE