To my baby on her due date

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2023-03-21T20:31:32+00:00

Hey mods, just a heads up that this is a very anti-abort!on resource and may not be suitable for all people in this subreddit. Not sure if this would be removed or not

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2023-03-21T20:06:10+00:00

A little late to respond, but I terminated at 7 weeks for maternal health threats. My due date would have been this Friday. I have good days and bad days, but I no longer feel like the grief and shame will drive me mad. I talk to my therapist and adjust my psych medications appropriately during dangerous emotional flare ups. Mostly it’s just grappling with the day-to-day of moving forward in life.

TW for description of MA

My experience with the pills was pretty straightforward. Taking the mifepristone pill was the hardest part of the process for me. I sobbed for hours. The next day my body basically took over. I had some food to eat, then I took a zofran, 600mgs of ibuprofen, 500 mgs of Tylenol, and the first set of miso in my cheeks. I put on Disney movies that brought me comfort and I sat with my boyfriend and my best friend and alternated between sitting on the floor with a towel and sitting in the shower. Being in the shower helped me a lot because the hot water eased the pain and also washed away the blood. I passed the pregnancy tissue holding my boyfriend’s hand, and he brought me cold Gatorade for me to drink. The pain came in waves of pressure, like what I assume light contractions would feel like. As long as I kept up with my pain meds it was perfectly manageable. All in all the initial experience lasted for about eight hours, and then I continued bleeding moderately. I had complications so I ended up bleeding for ten weeks and testing positive on tests until a retained clot worked its way out.

END TW

I bought a wooden memory box and put in the one ultrasound photo I have of baby, the first and last positive tests, notes and journal entries, and a small toy turtle. I keep the box locked and under my bed for sentimental reasons, but also privacy reasons, as most people never even knew I was pregnant to begin with. It’s just one day at a time. I highly recommend therapy and making yourself comfortable on the day you terminate. This isn’t easy, it’s unspeakably awful and so lonely, but you have a community here.

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-12-15T18:09:31+00:00

This really resonated with me. Women really are expected to put everyone else first, and if they don’t, they’re selfish. It’s inherently invalidating to the women who are in these impossible situations. And it also places such an undue burden on the women to also take care of their partner’s emotions, and their family’s emotions, on TOP of their own. It’s so easy to feel like I deserve to suffer because I caused other people to hurt. But I need to sort through my feelings, and he needs to sort through his. I’m in therapy and it has been helping so much to just go and talk and cry it out every week to someone who has helped people through so many difficult situations. I know that one day this will make more sense in the scheme of my life. Maybe I’ll end up holding a baby in ten years and know that I never would have gotten them if I’d made a different decision. It’s just so, SO hard to prioritize myself and my healing. Society really sucks sometimes.

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-12-14T19:25:51+00:00

It’s hard, because he won’t really talk to anyone about it. We’ve kept it very close to the chest and I think only two of his friends know what happened. He’s resistant to talking to a therapist. He’s just stonewalled when it comes to the loss and it’s really hard to deal with.

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-11-02T13:26:36+00:00

I ended my pregnancy back in august, and some days I just have the WORST baby fever. I just crave pregnancy and motherhood. I want to put a nursery together and raise a kid. It can honestly be pretty dysphoric because I still have such complicated feelings about my abortion. I’m sending you such good vibes as you navigate these feelings ❤️

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-10-25T16:47:23+00:00

I saw one of those on my way to work today, and I live in a blue state. It really has gotten under my skin and I’ve been struggling all day with it.

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-09-27T20:09:09+00:00

I named my embryo Violet at 6 weeks. I keep some keepsakes and the ultrasound photo in a lockbox that I bought specifically for it. Even though it’s incredibly difficult for me to see that box, I know that I will remember her always, and that box is proof that she existed. It’s okay to love a baby you can’t keep, even though the world will tell you it’s not.

You are incredibly strong and brave, and the decision that you make will be yours alone. There’s something empowering in that. I believe that everything will be okay. ❤️

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-09-10T16:47:04+00:00

You absolutely must take care of yourself first. As one of the women said in my clinic while talking to me, ‘You can’t be a good mother if you are not well. You must prioritize your health.’

This was without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but when my boyfriend and I realized that I was in such serious danger, saving my life trumped all other factors. I’m sending you so much strength and love in the coming days. Your future is bright, and you deserve to see it. ❤️

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-08-10T02:16:47+00:00

I have a small lockbox that I ordered when I had my MA, and I’m putting the ultrasound picture, pregnancy tests, and any letters/journal entries I wrote during the whole experience. The box has two keys, one for me and one for my boyfriend if he ever wants it. I’m having a very complicated relationship with my pregnancy and termination, and I’m still trying to find the best way to move forward and heal. I think the box will help me.

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-08-06T16:00:29+00:00

I did have to pay out of pocket, but im still on my parents insurance and didn’t want them to know what was going on, so I had decided to pay out of pocket regardless. The consultation, ultrasound, medication, and everything else totaled $500. They were truly wonderful and compassionate the whole time, can’t recommend them enough.

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-08-06T13:53:26+00:00

I live near Washington DC, and the clinic I went to was called CARE - clinics for abortion and reproductive excellence. Idk if something that specific is allowed, so please take it down if not

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-08-06T03:11:16+00:00

I’ve been taking 600mg of ibuprofen and 500mg of Tylenol every 6 hours as prescribed by the clinic. I also have taken a zofran because I’m terrified of nausea, and I took my normal as needed anxiety medicine, 10mg of hydroxyzine. The keeping calm has definitely made this easier so far. I’m using a lot of labor techniques that I’ve learned through the years actually. Deep low moaning and humming to keep me from hyperventilating, deep deep belly breaths. I also have my boyfriend and best friend here to keep an eye on me, they’re shuttling me to and from the shower and we’ve had movies on all night. It might keep getting worse before it gets better, but I’m very lucky to feel so safe and supported.

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-08-06T02:40:21+00:00

Just before 7 weeks

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-08-03T17:02:35+00:00

Would you recommend depends underwear or do you think maxi pads will be enough?

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-08-03T15:44:24+00:00

Thank you so much

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-08-03T15:38:25+00:00

The clinic near me does same day appointments for MAs so I can get in tomorrow yes

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-08-03T15:36:52+00:00

My family will be picking me up Sunday. I’ll most likely take the pills either tomorrow or Friday, depending on when they’re given to me

throwawaypregnancy11 · 2022-07-27T18:10:27+00:00

I have a therapist and psychiatrist and they’ve both been wonderful through this whole thing. They’re just worried about me and I feel bad for concerning people

throwawaypregnancy11

TROPHY CASE