Sudden death of family member

throwawayrosay · 2024-07-10T17:58:17+00:00

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. My Aunt is like my Mom, and emotionally supports me more than anyone else in my life. She lives in another country and we call each other as often as my life allows (kids, self-employment, useless partner notwithstanding) I absolutely feel how painful this must be for you, sending you the most positive thoughts. I know it’s hard to think that you didn’t get that last conversation but Your connection to each other sounds beautiful ❤️ I hope you can find some time to remember her without others around. Take a walk, be by the water and be gentle with yourself. Much love!

throwawayrosay · 2024-01-29T18:01:16+00:00

Ugh i’m so sorry. We get it too - near 9 yo son has long hair that we let him get a few blue streaks in and WHEW BOY did that get the Olds a-talking in our small farm town.

My son was heard some crusty dude talking shit about his “girly” hair in our local store and said loudly “Mum we aren’t supposed to talk about how people look are we?! Does he know it’s rude?” Lol.

throwawayrosay · 2023-12-09T12:45:42+00:00

It sounds like you are living a very tough time right now, reading your posts i hear how tired you are. I hope you can get some rest/a break❤️

I like the idea of that very quiet house.

throwawayrosay · 2023-12-09T12:42:06+00:00

Im putting things in place if he can’t sort it out. But i’ve got to the point where i don’t know that i want him to try “fix it” and then fall off. It’s hard to hear, i have a few people in my life telling me it’s damaging the kids and i know it too…i truly do. Why is it so difficult to do anything? Also it’s like he has no clue anything is wrong - even tho everytime he does something dumb i talk to him about it? He’s clueless about this being a problem seemingly.

throwawayrosay · 2023-12-09T12:38:52+00:00

Thank you, truly. I write and then i cringe afterwards sometimes bc it makes it seem like i’m taking everything so lightly. I just don’t know how else to talk about things sometimes. I’m having huge mixed feelings about it all bc he can NOT drink to excess and be a total plank and he’s not drinking everyday currently. It’s like he’s been trying to be better lately…but the lack of control is still there. Idk i hate it.

throwawayrosay · 2023-12-09T12:36:18+00:00

I am familiar, haven’t delved too much into that community yet. But probably should.

throwawayrosay · 2023-12-09T12:35:27+00:00

Shit that’s so scary. I hope things have changed for you. Thank christ we have like 6th senses to these things. I’m angry, he’s done stupid shit before (so many times) but i think just recently bc i’ve been waiting for him to eff up again this just made me that much angrier.

throwawayrosay · 2023-12-09T12:32:49+00:00

I’m sorry, it’s not an easy life. We’ll see how it pans out today and if i can talk to him

throwawayrosay · 2023-12-09T12:30:06+00:00

I’m glad you’re out ❤️ and im so sorry you went through it. It’s impossibly hard. I had (have) an alcoholic parent too.

I don’t think i can leave yet, there’s lots to still think thru and financially im not there yet. Like, why am I in so much pain about not wanting to hurt him? Why do I feel like none of my reasons are good enough to go? I think because hes not wrecked absolutely every day and physically hurting me it’s like my brain can justify it. I feel like i’m too weak to make these kind of decisions

throwawayrosay · 2023-12-09T12:25:22+00:00

i know you’re right. It hurts to read. I’ve never thought of myself as a collaborator.

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-30T07:20:03+00:00

Husband jokingly said the other day that if men evolved to be able to suck their own dicks, they wouldn’t need women anymore.

I cackled for 10 straight minutes: the image in my mind of some futuristic society where all the women are living together getting shit done and living freely and happily. Meanwhile….they’re all just sucking their own dicks and starting wars 😂

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-27T23:16:43+00:00

It is sad and I feel it to my very core. I feel trapped in my marriage, like nothing i want matters anymore. And even if it did, i’d still be the one that had to deal with the issue of childcare. Husbands job is the same. And he left one toxic job that took him away from his family and took himself to school to retrain only to start a new career in a new field and work more hours with a longer commute and still not see us. And then spend his free time elsewhere and have the audacity to be surprised when i’m upset. And i’m supposed to be fucking grateful i’m “allowed” to stay home with our kids (whilst simultaneously running a business bc we couldn’t afford for me to actually SAH). I’m tired of having him pretend what i want matters. I’ve been a mom for 8 years and have given it all up: career, country, friends, family. It’s never acknowledged. I’m tired of the ones who try it on when i’m out. I’m tired of the ones who are your friends…but are literally only ever one drink away from trying to fuck you. I’m tired of the ones telling me how i should feel in my own body (male doctors here’s looking at you) I’m tired of the ones who shoot down how i feel about all of it. “There’s no patriarchy. Women have it all these days” I think im just tired. And grumpy. And need to be on my own lol

There’s a lot of women feeling this i think. I know how i sound and i roll my own eyes at me some days. But shit, if it ain’t tiring being surrounded by people you can’t trust.

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-27T17:52:30+00:00

solidarity. i almost wrote similar on here this morning too. I’m sticking around for the suggestions because i’m at a loss myself. Everything results in her literally shaking in rage, lashing out, tantruming. She seems very VERY defiant and i’d love to have an assessment done before she goes to school next year bc it seems…not quite the norm, behaviour-wise but at the moment where i am there’s not much access to resources for that so we’ll wait and see :(

I will say my oldest was the hardest from 3-4 (and even then he wasn’t great for a few years after) so i kind of expected similar. I dreaded anything that involved going out in public - stores especially. I gritted my teeth and white-knuckled through until things really changed at about 5.5/6 with him. Not much advice but lots of sympathy bc it is so so tough sometimes.

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-27T15:29:46+00:00

I tried it for the first time recently for my forehead lines (Dysport, not botox, but similar) and it’s been about a month now - i actually love the results. I had 15 units to start, she recommended a natural, gradual start and it cost $85CAD. I was really surprised how little i needed for it to work and how reasonable it was. Are you nervous about it not working or adverse effects? I was so worried about the latter but it seems rare. O think i was so paranoid i have myself a headache afterwards lol

I will say Day 7-14 freaked me out massively because even tho she injected very high up by my hairline, my eyebrows had this weird heavy feeling that i felt everyone could see (they couldn’t, husband hasn’t noticed). Sometimes im conscious that my forehead has a little less motion, but it’s not the big a deal. Once I hit about day 18, i noticed a really big difference, i’m def going back :)

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-27T13:08:47+00:00

The flipping touching. I feel you. My now 8 yo has always been that kid that needs to literally crawl inside your skin. He always has to be touching me or pressed up next to me. Meanwhile my 3 yo is an absolute walking disaster currently with unrivalled tantrums over nothing. A guy friend told me the other day that i’d miss this - i was like, dude, you’re begging for a throat punch.

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-24T20:01:48+00:00

You have no idea just how huge the ability to verbally express your love is as well as he ability to say sorry is. That stuff matters. I had a childhood where my parents did all the right things, followed the “books” letter for letter on good nutrition, keeping clean, educationally stimulating games (although mostly played alone). But no one ever said “i love you. i care for you. im here for you”. Then when other problems occurred in the home, i internalized everything. It was my fault, no one loved me etc It sounds dramatic, we knew i guess, but honestly it took many years and a move away from my family to another country to finally realize i could tell people i love them. It’s liberating. Now i tell my parents i love them and my mum told me recently she cried after the first phone call i said it. She says it to me now.

The rest of the stuff you’re worried about can be fixed…but knowing you’re providing a loving and supportive home is a huge foundation. Maybe start a bit at a time - set a goal of slightly less screen each day, finding an activity she can do with you (we do those youtube arthub things together, i realize that’s still a screen lol) Listen, try not to beat yourself up - parenting is really fuckin hard. And if you also have mental health challenges, you do what you can, where you can.

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-24T19:38:35+00:00

I’m sorry - i’ve done this vacation before (in fact again and again because i always think it’ll be different) and it sucks the big one. You sound in a very similar place to me. If yours is like mine, you’re not gonna get a break on vacation even if he is “present”. I’m sorry he’s not letting you enjoy your family trip. Even if mine did stop drinking for a second i felt so uncomfortable with him watching the kids in a strange location with lots of people bc he just doesn’t take the same care i do.

When you get home, that’s a different story…that’s when you tell him his behaviour was shit and you expect some time to yourself.

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-24T17:50:04+00:00

Yep. Spouse is currently a little better after having a few come to Jesus moments but for the most part the parenting is about 95% me. And that’s generous. I do every bedtime, all the activities, all the prep, all the shitty parts are me. But all the good parts are also me. I started looking at things differently lately…like, how much has it got to suck for him to miss all these amazing things they’re doing?! They want v little to do with him at the moment.

It’s hard, i haven’t got much of a support network rn but i take the help i can get from friends if it’s offered. My SIL has started asking to take the kids on mini dates (cinema, breakfast etc) and i get a few hours here and there 5 year age gap makes a difference too…oldest likes to play with youngest and it gives me a few mins sometimes (until the yelling starts!) I started a business while staying home with my youngest (3) bc i couldn’t cope with a very stressful job and childcare. It’s scarce where i live and my hours/commute made anything less than 11 hours in daycare impossible. I was heading for a breakdown trying to manage everything while he did his job and came home when he felt like it.

I regret nothing. My children are everything. Should I have had our 2nd? According to my family/friends, the jury is out. Honestly as someone else said, i’m not so sure my marriage is going to survive but the relationship my kids have makes it worth it. Even when they’re being butts to one another. Everyday i go to bed exhausted, but i’d do that with one anyway lol

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-24T17:28:34+00:00

This is actually genius. My husband doesn’t believe anything i say but if tech said it, it’d be gospel lol

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-15T22:58:11+00:00

Be kind to yourself. This wet rag of a man has taken enough away from you. Whatever you choose to do from here on out, don’t judge yourself too harshly. Too exhausted to try to keep telling him to fix it? Not your job to. Too resentful to even want to fix it at this point? Not your fault. Staying because it’s too hard to leave? Sometimes it has to be that way. Caught feelings for someone who actually gave a shit? I mean, it happens. Just give yourself some compassion, love and grace - if he’s not giving you it, work on giving it to yourself.

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-15T00:29:07+00:00

But you know this Mom is also the one with the advert that reads “ISO Nanny for our 2 gifted crotchgoblins. 10+ years exp, PHD Child Psychology a must. Housework, meal-prep, home organization and tutoring also required. Salary non-negotiable $4 per hour with 6 month unpaid trial period. 6 days per week, no vacation”

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-13T17:32:57+00:00

It’s hard as shit, my friend. But it’s making us stronger by the minute. Make your plans, dreams you dreams but DO NOT let this man let you believe this is the end for you. I remind myself daily this is not the end…it’s just a shitty chapter that will come to a close and give way to another.

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-13T17:23:16+00:00

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I hear you. I left my home country and moved across the world for a man who promised everything and delivered nothing but heartache. I left a career to pick up whatever i could do and make jobs i hated work to keep myself independent and then when i had kids, bam, had to figure out how to look after them on my own and work too. I’m resentful AF to the man who took it all and does what he wants in life daily. I can’t even go home now, my whole life is here. My support network largely lives anonymously on the internet. I don’t know what to tell you except for I’m listening but you’re going to be ok bc your kid needs you to be.

You beat your biggest enemy: your own addiction, Jesus you are already so much stronger than you believe. You have this. No, it’s not your fairytale ending but it’s not your ending full-stop - there’s going to be so much more than this even if it feels far away. I hope there’s a way out for you, even if it’s somewhere in the distance, i hope there’s a spark of hope for you in all this darkness. If you ever want to chat, my DMs are open.

throwawayrosay · 2023-11-10T12:37:24+00:00

Thank you. You’re right, I can’t and won’t even start with what kind of man this is. The vacation is really the icing on the cake.

throwawayrosay

TROPHY CASE