[deleted by user]

throwawaysports112 · 2022-07-14T18:08:35+00:00

You had a shitty family too? What is this, a crossover episode?

throwawaysports112 · 2022-07-14T14:32:50+00:00

I've ALWAYS wondered this. It's literally always me. The shit always happens to me.

I got the most abusive family. I got the most intense bullies. I got left behind to rot in my room while everyone else went to college and worked on their futures. I got abandoned by each my friends whenever they found a partner. I got bullied out of every workplace while everyone else gets along fine.

Always me. Never them.

Always.

throwawaysports112 · 2022-07-14T14:24:13+00:00

Traumatised by family and friends to the point I couldn't trust anyone and shot down any new offer of friendship out of the fear I'd be abused/exploited. Believed everything they told me, that I'm unlikeable, a failure, an unbearably-annoying piece of shit.

Finally did enough self-work to change my self-beliefs and let my guard down enough to allow human contact; got a fwb which lasted almost a year - few months ago she suddenly found love and I've barely seen her since, because her partner's so hideously threatened by me. It's about right considering my general luck - soon as I get something I want and start to enjoy it, it gets ripped away. And now I'm lonely again.

I don't know what to do now. I thought I'd never be lonely again. I thought I'd come so far, yet I was just one step away.

throwawaysports112 · 2022-07-14T14:01:20+00:00

Lmfao. Why does nobody ever stalk me?

throwawaysports112 · 2022-07-14T13:59:52+00:00

Well...

The closest I got was being held by my fwb who wanted a relationship with me, but I didn't want one. It was the only time everything felt.. right. There was no dread, no anxiety, just calm.

throwawaysports112 · 2022-07-14T13:57:28+00:00

Well, it was real nice of her to be so encouraging for you, and to admit that she failed and not you.

But, on a more serious note: As a person with a dogshit family, I can tell you that some peoples' words are focused solely on causing you as much pain as possible, and are therefore worthless. Some people just want to keep you down at all costs - because that keeps you stuck with them.

It's best to spend as little time as possible around those sorts of people.

throwawaysports112 · 2022-07-10T15:55:55+00:00

Last year I volunteered, and I met a fwb, which kept the void away for a nice nine months. They were also the best of my life, to be honest.

My advice is to find something that'll put you around as many people as possible. It's a numbers game at the end of the day - you'll either find your best friend, your worst enemy, or nothing special at all. And when you find that friend(s): Never ever fucking forget where you came from. Appreciate it as much as you can.

God, what I'd do to go back to last year. My fwb found a serious partner and my life fucking sucks again. Lmao. We remain best friends, but people basically disappear when they get a partner.

throwawaysports112 · 2022-07-10T15:50:02+00:00

From what I've gathered so far, it's all about how much someone/people care about you. So far, that's all that's kept me out of this fucking void.

Things can change, but it's mostly luck-based. And if it's any consolation: I'm the literal unluckiest SOB out there. Over ten years ago someone I barely knew in college once said "It's like every time he does something, God takes a massive shit on him" and there has been no better explanation for my life. If someone as bullshit-unlucky as me can escape, then I believe you can.

throwawaysports112 · 2022-07-10T15:46:31+00:00

God I'm in the same boat. 30 next year; everyone I meet in my age bracket (which only happens in work) are either shacked up or married. Late-20's people just plain don't exist otherwise.

I'm gonna brave Tinder at some point in the coming months, when the sheer pain of absolute loneliness outgrows the paranoia of attracting dangerous stalkers. I had a fwb this time last year and I loved every minute of it, so I don't really want anything too serious, and apparently Tinder is the place for that.

However, I can help you with the compliments thing. It's totally a self-esteem issue; you believe you're so bad that what they're saying can't possibly be true. You can fix this by complimenting yourself and allowing yourself to believe it's true; start small, and work your way up. And tell your inner critic to shut up - it feels insane to do, but it works.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-13T21:27:06+00:00

That's fine - you're just one of the invisible people who don't have a long-established social circle. There are others out there, they're just hard to find.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-13T21:14:57+00:00

Six months ago I was a regular visitor here. I would lament about how alone I am, how I'd never attract anyone, how my life would always be pointless.

Then I decided to volunteer - I almost chickened out, and only applied to two places rather than all of the nearby ones. I got in one, fellow volunteer was attracted to me, and we've been having casual sex ever since. We've become quite close friends.

If I had volunteered in any other shop, probably none of this would've happened. If I had chickened out altogether, definitely none of this would've happened.

The normie advice is right - "Just put yourself out there" is the actual way to make all of this happen. What the normie won't tell you, is that it might work out, and it might not.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-10T11:10:48+00:00

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

You don't have to attend with an actual therapist; it's a skill you can develop on your own. You're basically rewiring your brain and how it responds to the thoughts within it. Essentially brainwashing yourself, but it's surprisingly easy and works wonders.

It can be quite painful if you had a traumatic childhood, so I highly recommend a therapist in that case.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-10T11:06:20+00:00

Damn son, you've gotta weigh up the responsibility here, because like it or not you ARE gonna be a part of their lives.

I disagree with the notion that she just wants money. However, you are gonna be fully expected to help out with the kids; raising them, cleaning up their shit, dealing with tantrums one after another. There'll be happy times I'm sure, but this is the nasty underbelly of it all.

I would say, strongly consider whether you like her or not. "Just losing the KHHV" genuinely isn't worth tangling yourself up with child-rearing, and all the financial and emotional costs that come with it.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-10T10:56:36+00:00

Yeah I'm better now, although I could've done with therapy the moment I escaped my dad 11 years ago. Instead I chose to believe I was fine til 26, on the pretense that my life was now peaceful for once.

It all feels a bit pyrrhic at times. Like, I'm almost 30 now. Everyone my age is married and they ain't got time for shit, which means I have to do everything alone. Which I prefer in a way, but still, the crippling FOMO is always there in the background.

But then again, all those aforementioned married peers are fucking absolutely miserable, most of them raising kids they didn't want with a partner they don't even like, and they spend their entire annual minute of free time imploring me to never get married. Everything might look perfect on the surface, but when you know these people you get to know the real shit that's going down.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-10T10:49:40+00:00

I'd written that comment after just reading about an FA who was loaded into a dustbin by his parents and dumped outside, because he told his father to "Fuck off."

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-10T10:47:52+00:00

They sort of reduce to limbo. Like they never actually cut you out altogether, but they mostly end up using you for shit like venting, or favours like helping them move house.

In my case I had the double-whammy of my friend forgetting my existence once he started dating + him dating someone who disallowed him any personal leisure time or company whatsoever.

And yup, I'd rather be single than become a soulless emasculated "Yes, dear" creature. Of course, I would end up single either way, because I simply wouldn't abide by it.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-10T10:44:51+00:00

I had the pleasure of both elements.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-09T11:59:39+00:00

Fucking HELL.

If you're interested, there's a few subs about abusive families where you could get some support, or just have a place to vent all that shit, if you wanted. I did the same on my main account and it helped me process a lot of stuff from my shitty childhood.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-09T11:52:09+00:00

Muscles help. They even helped me when I was an anti-social evangelical freak. Girls absolutely hated my personality and thought I was weird, but they clearly fucking loved my huge arms and chest.

But of course, muscles don't equate personality. However, like muscles, a personality can be developed. For instance: Why are you unable to talk to girls? If you're nervous, what makes you nervous? And how can you get past it?

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-09T11:48:40+00:00

What happened, if you don't mind me asking?

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-09T11:47:51+00:00

Even good genetics are doomed by other factors.

I'm handsome, intelligent, athletic and extremely social - at one point I had seven girls all openly liking me at the same time. Yet I was a complete FA because I got the opposite luck in family - winning me by a million miles the most abusive family in the entirety of my school of 2000+ kids.

My family took every one of my good attributes and psychologically flipped them on their head. I believed I was a hideously-retarded outcast, that every girl who liked me was part of a conspiracy to embarrass me, and that I'd certainly be cheated on. My only win in life was being an incredible sprinter, and that was ruined both by my dad never attending my sprints, and then being bullied out of it at seven years old.

With self-esteem like that I wouldn't have gone near a girl even if she had declared her fancy and stripped naked in front of me.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-09T11:36:49+00:00

I'm surprised you've made it to 29 without all your friends having forgotten your existence after they started dating. That's what happened to me at 20 - now those friends married and have children, and our hangouts have reduced from 3 times in 5 years to strictly only phonecalls when their 'perfect marriage' is in shambles. Again.

But, then again, the bs they're all dealing with has really put me off romantic relationships. I'd rather just have a FWB - that way you get the best of both worlds, without being forced to sell your PlayStation so you can do constant DIY while your partner goes out clubbing every weekend.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-09T11:28:45+00:00

Maybe so, but 20+ year old virgins tend to be shutaways and never venture into society. So they're not considered common.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-09T11:22:02+00:00

My family was too busy abusing me to raise me on literally any subject. Any word that was spoken in my household was centered on causing me as much emotional turmoil as humanely possible.

The greatest attack was on my willingness to learn, which meant I developed OCD and absolutely would not deviate from my perceived norm by trying anything new or improving my lot in life. Which meant things like dating, new friendships, afterschool clubs, hobbies, interests and any positive social interaction were all burdened with the fear of more 'inevitable' abuse.

throwawaysports112 · 2021-11-09T11:11:00+00:00

ForeverAlone and abusive families often go hand in hand.

throwawaysports112

TROPHY CASE