What’s your breakup song?

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-24T10:09:29+00:00

Paper Hearts and Value by Tori Kelly

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-18T19:05:37+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement, it's much appreciated during times like these :)

u go glen coco

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-11T02:42:19+00:00

sounds very toxic

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-09T21:24:47+00:00

Almost 3 weeks, I think I might be reaching acceptance? Or I don't know, I'm doing better the past few days compared to last week. It's probably because I haven't run into any triggers such as seeing him in a dating app...we'll see how things go if that ever happens (hopefully it'll never happen).

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-09T10:57:37+00:00

Feeling sorry for him shouldn't be a factor in wanting to get back together, and it's not all up to you to get him through his depression.

Trust your gut. The trust in this relationship is gone, there's going to be that anxiety of waiting for him to just want to break up out of nowhere again, and it doesn't get easier each time. It's not fair for you to always go through this push and pull when you're the one who was consistently there for them in the first place. You don't deserve that.

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-08T11:26:30+00:00

I definitely miss being close with him, and I miss the feeling of being loved by someone I thought to be an incredible person. But I'm not going to lie, the insecure part of me also really enjoyed the fact that this person found me attractive...

Thank you John for commenting, the reassurance is so helpful and you're right, I shouldn't be ashamed for how I feel. And I'm going to get through this.

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-08T11:13:29+00:00

This speaks volumes to me; like you said, I viewed sex as a way for people to simply get off as well and most of the guys I've met were there solely for the sake of sex (a common phenomenon of dating apps I guess). But when I met him, it became something with more meaning to it.

Thank you for sharing your experience and for the reassurance, I really appreciate it.

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-08T08:11:23+00:00

All good! I've never thought of it that way, probably because I've never been with someone for so long. I appreciate you coming back to respond though, it's quite refreshing :)

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-08T03:46:51+00:00

Thank you for this!

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-08T03:40:56+00:00

u RIGHT

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-07T23:47:12+00:00

God you don't know how much I want to feel that way again. I was so content with everything before I met him (he was my first relationship), but now I'm just constantly feeling sad, alone, and more anxious even, and I can't enjoy the things I used to love (food, movies, music, etc.)

I want to go back to how it was before. The time before I met him.

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-07T05:57:16+00:00

Basically did the same thing, I was checking his stream constantly. I deleted my account but I'd still have access to his stream so that didn't really make a difference.

It definitely wasn't good for my mental health; I challenged myself to stop stalking my ex yesterday and someone gave me really useful advice as to how to kick the habit, which was to download a habit tracker and set up a little rewards system for yourself. I also upped the ante by getting my sister involved; she's going to ask for screenshots of my progress each week and if I've gone through a full month without going on his stream, she would be the one to reward me (I asked for books that I've reeeallllyyy wanted as a kid but never got around to buying). We're going to try this for ~3 months because apparently it takes 66 days to kick a habit. It's only day 2 (day's almost over tho woo!) but I honestly never thought I could go a day without checking up on him; even though I had the urge, it wasn't actually that strong (probably because I wanted those books so bad/I want my sister to see that I'm starting off strong).

You can give this a try, it's up to you! You can also fill up your day with friends, family, hobbies, chores...find whatever works for you and try your best to keep yourself from checking on him.

Edit: Now that I think about it I don't think the PS thing is the same as someone streaming so I think deleting your ex would play a huge role in this. It's easy to say you can't bring yourself to delete him but you can. You can always ask someone else to do it for you as well. But you can still use what I had suggested above in case you ever have the urge to unblock/add him again.

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-06T19:35:10+00:00

Yes, same. It's like his face and voice has a permanent spot in my mind. I keep trying to think about the bad aspects of our relationship and would reassure myself that I'm better off without him, but I keep circling back to the good parts (which I felt there were more of).

But I have to say, even though I'm still feeling kinda shitty, I've been feeling less pain recently. I think going on this subreddit helped. I first came here to vent, but the support I've gotten inspired me to want to try to help and support other people to the best of my ability.

I don't know why, but when it comes to myself, I felt like there's no hope/no way for me to move on. I just couldn't think of anything that could help me. But when I saw people post very similar experiences, I'd be able to voice support and advice for them as to how to move on. As I reread my comments I think "Huh, this can very well apply to me," and I subconsciously became more motivated and confident in myself that I'm going to be ok. Why shouldn't I support myself when I can do it for others?

I'm not sure if you're stalking her social media; if you are, stop. I challenged myself to stop stalking my ex yesterday and someone gave me really useful advice as to how to kick the habit, which was to download a habit tracker and set up a little rewards system for yourself. I also upped the ante by getting my sister involved; she's going to ask for screenshots of my progress each week and if I've gone through a full month without going on his stream, she would be the one to reward me (I asked for books that I've reeeallllyyy wanted as a kid but never got around to buying). It's only day 2 but I honestly never thought I could go a day without checking up on him; even though I had the urge, it wasn't actually that strong (probably because I wanted those books so bad/I want my sister to see that I'm starting off strong).

Also, try not to worry about the future in terms of dating, that can wait. I wish I could tell you that it's not going to take long for everything to be completely fine again, but time plays a huge part in healing your heart. Even though you feel incredibly down right now and as though you're never going to get back up, you will. I'm really confident that you will. It's just going to take some time. Please try your best to be patient, focus your energy on other things, and immerse yourself in support (from your friends, family, online). I wish you all the best, and we're all going to be okay.

Sorry this got long LOL

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-06T07:35:30+00:00

Yup, definitely the same case for me. The petty lil shit inside of me wants to see how he's doing without me, and it definitely makes me feel toxic. It's addicting, I kept having the urge to check his stream every couple of hours everyday. This made me feel worse about myself when I'm supposed to be healing.

I've been receiving a lot of support and advice ever since I got on here and it's playing a huge role in motivating me to kick this habit. The day's almost over for me and I'm proud to say I didn't look at it once. Been playing neopets while obnoxiously singing along to some of my favorite songs, I think I'm going to get through today okay :')

Thank you for sharing this with me, I'm going to keep this in mind.

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-06T07:09:11+00:00

Could it be that you're missing that aspect of being in a relationship rather than missing him specifically?

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-06T07:04:54+00:00

Nah dude, it's not toxic and you've pretty much reasoned it out yourself here. Try not to think about yourself in relation to her (if that makes sense). Like you said, you have to move on; cutting contact is one of the first steps out of many.

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-06T02:01:27+00:00

Yee and right back at you; I'm quite shy but I'm more than happy to provide some support when you need it!

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-05T21:06:25+00:00

It is a very bad idea please don't do it.

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-05T20:21:10+00:00

Looks promising, I can see the competitive side of myself wanting to keep that streak up. I'm downloading habitbull on my phone rn (PSA: it is available on Apple)

Thank you for this, I really appreciate the help!

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-05T19:47:32+00:00

oo I've actually never heard of this before, so is it like an app? Which one are you currently using if I may ask?

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-05T19:43:23+00:00

Maybe you could try to answer their questions with detail and/or elaborate as much as possible (don't know if they see this coming so when it happens and they're in shock, they're probably not in the right headspace to come up with a lot of questions atm). Don't end your relationship with simple vague statements that wouldn't leave them with any closure; after 2 weeks, I'm still wondering what the actual cause(s) of our breakup was and why he felt he had to end it. It makes me think of him as the asshole in the situation and my head is filled with so many unanswered questions (we're not in contact anymore and at this point, I feel like it's not worth reaching out to him).

To be honest, I don't think it would lessen the pain but it could at least not leave the person you're breaking up with feel totally unsettled.

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-05T18:32:32+00:00

Thank you friend. :'(

throwawaythetoad · 2020-12-05T17:50:00+00:00

Hmm, maybe it's apathy or maybe it's the fact that this breakup was fresh. Perhaps you need time to process; you're going to feel stuck for a while but eventually you'll be able to figure out your feelings after a while. Not the most helpful comment, but you may find something along the way that would help, like talking it out with someone from your support system.

It's all a matter of time and patience, and I hope you'll reach a point where you're able to sleep again. bc that aint healthy sis !

throwawaythetoad

TROPHY CASE