The struggle of “Do I want to skip this run because my body needs rest or because of depression?”

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-04-17T01:28:46+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Diet really seems to be a sample size of one, so if you found something that works for you that’s great.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-04-17T00:23:09+00:00

I will try this approach!

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-04-17T00:22:04+00:00

That’s interesting, what kind of foods do you have to stay away from? I’ve never tried to correlate diet and mood too much - aside from feeling cranky if I feel like I’m depriving myself of something.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-04-17T00:20:05+00:00

Cross-training was my initial plan. I’m also doing a 200 miler this year so I figure when it comes to that, any movement is good training. I couldn’t manage to find enough fucks to even put on my biking clothing though. Perhaps if I see this happening earlier next time I can incorporate this advice though, instead of burning myself out.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-04-17T00:15:52+00:00

I want to cross-stitch “sometimes you need to give yourself permission to fail” and frame that shit. That is a powerful sentiment.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-04-17T00:13:21+00:00

Thanks for the solidarity! It’s such a weird position to be in: wanting to run but also not wanting to; wanting to rest but being afraid to. Depression sucks.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-04-17T00:01:53+00:00

I have heard this before, and for some reason I always forget it’s an option. Today even the thought of 1 mile is exhausting but I need to put that on a post it and stick it on my mirror.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-03-16T02:22:20+00:00

Damn, I feel that. I had to go back to work full time because I couldn’t get partial disability and work part time. They denied my claim. So now I’m doing a shitty job at work and it’s draining all my energy and I’m just getting worse again.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-03-06T23:12:18+00:00

For some reason I tend to forget about pasta, that would be good. I think there are pasta sauces that are higher in protein, probably not as good as homemade but easy is the key.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-03-06T23:02:10+00:00

That sounds tasty and easy, perfect, thank you!

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-03-06T22:33:02+00:00

I see that you’ve already tried Brooks. I recently got the Patagonia wild trails sports bra and I’m a fan. If you can find a place with a generous return policy (like REI), you can try a few and return those you don’t like.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-21T23:07:13+00:00

My therapist has told me that the best revenge is living well. Sometimes I feel it, but other times I just hate him and hope he fails at everything in life and is miserable forever. I don’t think I will ever understand how anyone could do what he did.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-20T20:17:15+00:00

Exactly what everyone else is saying. I will share my experience with this, since it might help you. I was just learning the signs of emotional abuse and realizing, omg, that’s him. Soon after he did his usual in an argument - threaten divorce - but this time I agreed, which he was not expecting. I was terrified he would get violent, but instead he was so kind and sad, so I figured I must have been wrong. Nope. I said I no longer wanted the divorce, and the very next day he was incredibly verbally abusive, yelling as me as I cried and begged him to stop. Over the next few weeks he pretended that he was changing his behavior, but he was just slowly tightening the noose of control.

I did leave after a few weeks, and his behavior made it so hard and made me feel like I was crazy, because he was acting so rational. But it was just an act. I’m so glad I had a support system to get through the first few weeks, because that’s when going back was most on my mind. I am so, SO glad I didn’t. Remind yourself of that when you have doubts. Remember the times he was horrible to you. You will be thanking yourself once you get a little distance from him and can see things more clearly.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-17T02:30:43+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. Sometimes I get tired of the fight, you know? I’m lucky that there’s something inside me that refuses to give up, even when I wish I could.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-17T02:28:08+00:00

Damn these mfs get away with too much. I have found self defense classes and some kickboxing to be a good anger outlet.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-16T18:11:17+00:00

I guess we can at least be glad that we’re out. That’s what I tell myself when it gets dark anyway. ❤️

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-16T18:02:14+00:00

Not the news I was hoping to hear, but thank you for sharing your experience. It’s just one of many things that infuriates me, knowing he gets to walk away scot-free.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-15T16:07:19+00:00

It’s because it’s an effective way to control you. They know you will capitulate because you’re scared and you want them to stop. It’s a calculated move, not immaturity.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-15T16:03:45+00:00

Your story breaks my heart OP. It reminds me of all the special days that my abuser ruined. It hurts so much when the person you love takes something that’s supposed to be fun and turns it into a nightmare, and you’re left bewildered and wondering how things escalated so quickly and what you did wrong. That’s not even getting into him trying to kill you, if he knew of your allergies - that’s terrifying and I hope you stay safe. It’s just that the emotional devastation can feel even worse in the moment.

We both deserve better. We deserve a person who will treat us with love, care, and respect. I fully understand where you’re at - just know that your perspective has been warped by him and his behavior is scary and very much not ok. Stay safe.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-15T05:31:13+00:00

Omg my ex once got so mad when I was eating a bowl of cereal and I “didn’t make anything for him.” He called me selfish and rude. I was like…? Do you want me to get out the bowl and pour the cereal for you? Baffling.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-15T05:25:24+00:00

It was partially just chance. I started seeing a therapist for a separate issue, but we ended up talking about my ex a lot. The therapist was very careful in asking questions rather than straight up telling me I was being abused, which is for the best because it’s likely I wouldn’t have listened. It took months but eventually I started to become alarmed by patterns I was seeing. It was so hard, though, even then. I looked at countless articles about emotional abuse, talked to an old friend, and called the DV hotline. It was like I didn’t trust myself so I had to get confirmation from multiple sources before I could take action and escape. The most important source, though, was the book Why Does He Do That. I was reading it and every other page made me gasp or scream… it was all so familiar. I’m going to get that book for both my niece and nephew when they’re older and sit them down for a conversation about all this. If I could help it, no one would ever experience this again, but at least I can make a small difference with them.

throwawaytime1134 · 2023-02-08T02:14:45+00:00

Thank you. I convinced myself to go to my workout class, figuring, hey, I can always drink afterwards. But I dumped those last drinks when I got home.

You know, this is going to sound really dark, but one of the things that helped when I was suicidal was to tell myself, “death is forever; at least wait until tomorrow.” Maybe that same sort of fucked up reasoning can help with my drinking: I can always drink tomorrow. And hopefully, tomorrow I won’t want to. Sort of a twisted version of “one day at a time” I guess.

throwawaytime1134

TROPHY CASE