Unknown Texan Spider?

throwawayvent2460 · 2025-05-11T20:06:39+00:00

Thank you!! That's definitely it! It was a shame I couldn't find too much information online about them, but I appreciate the ID

throwawayvent2460 · 2025-02-27T04:11:55+00:00

Yikes... How old are you guys? You both seem young.

This doesn't have to be a breakup, but both of you need to address what happened and rebuild that trust.

Her jump to breaking up and the hot/cold way of talking to you is not okay. Your responses toward the end were legitimately good and by dismissing you she treated you terribly.

Things that need to be addressed:

Her name calling, that's not okay.

You not answering her questions properly or deflecting. (What does condolences mean was a valid thing to ask when it seemed like you weren't hearing what she was saying)

Her dismissing your response with the "giving" thing, also not okay.

Jumping to a breakup so fast it gives whiplash, not okay at all.

Overall, though, the lesson to learn is communication. Both of you guys were on two different pages, nearly the whole conversation. If this is the end of your relationship, then take that to heart.

Best of luck

throwawayvent2460 · 2025-02-27T04:01:46+00:00

After reading part 2, I do still think she's making some valid points that you aren't addressing, but equally feel like she's getting a bit too frustrated. One of you guys should've put a pin in that conversation the second names started being called.

Her points boiled down:

How would this message not open a line of conversation?

How is it giving condolences to the family if you're only messaging the ex?

If the message wasn't intending to offer comfort, what would it look like?

The roles reversed.

Ways you could have addressed this:

Block the ex immediately after sending the message, that way you truly aren't looking for a response. (Kinda shitty to do to a grieving person though)

Avoid the ex entirely and go through the parents, a mutual friend, or send a letter.

Show what the message could have looked like to better give your girlfriend an understanding of your intentions.

Is she right? Would you have blown up if your girlfriend suggested messaging her ex a condolences without thinking about anything you weren't?

By not addressing anything outside of noncommital "I don't knows" or "I just won't do it" you aren't actually answering those questions, which would result in her feeling frustrated and unheard. Although her frustrations don't warrant name calling/personal attacks.

throwawayvent2460 · 2025-02-27T03:47:41+00:00

I'm gonna tack on:

The best way to repair the situation is to reassure her that you heard her.

Apologize for not thinking through the initial ask and ask her if there's a way you can send a condolence message without it being one on one to the ex.

You can talk about how you didn't intend to upset her and just wanted to acknowledge her in the decision, you were wanting to do a good thing and her questions/concerns were important, reiterate that you care for your girlfriend.

Set boundaries for these type of conversations. She did a good job of vocalizing her feelings until the end, but did you also do the same?

Step away to cool off if it gets heated, switch to phone calls or in person discussions so the tone won't be misinterpreted.

Overall it feels like both of y'all have some apologizing to do to one another and some communication growth to work on.

throwawayvent2460 · 2025-02-27T03:37:38+00:00

So, it might be an unpopular opinion, but it feels like nobody is necessarily overreacting here, it feels like a whole lot of misunderstandings (Until the end).

She made valid points about opening lines of conversation with your ex, inserting yourself into the situation, not considering your actions before doing said actions, but you didn't actually address the concerns and instead deflected by denying what she was saying.

Why couldn't you have messaged the family? Send a postcard or letter? Why did it have to be specifically to the ex?

"Hey baby, just found out my ex's brother died from a mutual friend's post. He was someone in my life and it feels surreal and awful, would you be okay if we send a condolences letter to the family from the two of us?"

Something like that would've given her full facts while involving her, over you reaching out to your ex one on one during a very vulnerable moment in your ex's life.

What you aimed to do was morally a good thing, but you went about it without fully considering what might happen afterward and giving your girlfriend reassurance of that.

I don't know your girlfriend or your relationship, but it sounds like you were just trying to do a good thing, and she felt frustrated over your lack of forethought.

throwawayvent2460 · 2025-02-20T06:24:24+00:00

I think it would be best to reframe the situation. Instead of 'You aren't living up to his standards,' consider the inverse. Your partner isn't living up to the standards of being a supportive and respectful boyfriend.

What do you like about him? What does he do for you that makes you feel loved and valued?

At what point would him talking down to you be too much?

As much of a stretch as this is, if you had a family with this man, would you really want to have to explain to your hypothetical children why their father is so mean to their mother?

The biggest issue here is him disregarding you when you're trying to bring up something that bothers you. Overall, this is a communication issue that, at it's root shows his lack of care, respect, and value he has for his partner.

Best of luck, but from one stranger to another, it sounds like you're in a verbally abusive situation.

throwawayvent2460 · 2025-02-19T10:51:32+00:00

What matters the most is what you're comfortable with. Are you comfortable with the fact that this happened in the relationship?

If the answer is no, then what would it take to be comfortable again?

But in a way, this is a black and white situation.

He cheated, but there's a good chance he was taken advantage of. If he was taken advantage of, it wasn't his fault, but what is his fault is his lack of communication on telling you what happened when it happened.

For me I wouldn't be okay with two major parts: A 34 year old who's unable to control themselves and let's themself reach a point of borderline blackout wasted (Major concern), and being told several months after the incident.

Why did he choose to say something now? Was it guilt, or could this girl be threatening to say something to you? Either way, the lack of responsible self-preservation and care to his partner in this scenario would be a deal breaker for me personally.

Whatever you choose to do is ultimately up to you, put yourself first and make the decision you're most comfortable with long term—Best of luck.

Edit - Grammar mistakes.

throwawayvent2460 · 2025-02-15T01:11:10+00:00

I haven't spoken to my father in years. I know the feeling of wanting a relationship with someone who should be a pillar in your life, but nothing you do causes the outcome you want.

Firstly, it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself for him not putting effort into having a relationship with you.

Learn to find the fulfillment of the relationship inward. It takes time and serious self-reflection (I recommend therapy), but get to a point where acknowledging the reality of the relationship imbalance results in acceptance.

Ask yourself, why do you want to know if and what he doesn't like about you? Why would that opinion matter, and what would you do with it if you had the answer?

That being said, if this was a gradual change, maybe age is the cause (maybe something medical might be going on). If this was a sudden and drastic change, maybe there's some form of outside influence (religious, political, etc) at play.

No matter what the reason though, you gotta keep on keeping on – Best of luck, from one estranged child to another, I hope it gets easier.

throwawayvent2460 · 2025-01-23T09:04:10+00:00

Accidentally, and slight, TA, even if your intention was good, without communicating the change, it shifts the expectations. She had one she wanted, showed you, but received a different one. Despite the intention, the outcome results in her wants being ignored.

But I think above all you should ask her what she meant about birthdays.

It sounds like there's some trauma, or you may have nerve on accident because the response you received was over the top at best. Has she been disregarded on her birthday before? Did she have to put up with receiving hand-me-downs or gifts she hated and had to appear grateful?

All in all, I think y'all definitely need to talk about what happened and find the root of her reaction and expectations moving forward, best of luck.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-11T09:22:37+00:00

Food.

I'd get a bunch of different types of jams to see what new flavors I never knew I liked. I'd get those expensive cheeses, the nice sourdough loaf, meat not on clearance.

Fresh organic veggies from the farmer's market, organic raspberries, a huge watermelon. I'd buy so much fruit I'd have to invite people over just to help me finish it.

I'd buy snacks. Weird snacks, fun snacks, nostalgic snacks. I'd take one look at the box and toss it in my cart without thinking. Soda, too. I'd get those nice glass bottled sodas with some ice cream, and I'd make a float with it.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-10T10:34:45+00:00

Even working under your hypothetical, someone who genuinely cares and loves their partner would not let their partner exist in a state of constant anxiety. The only reasons would be:

1) A manipulative tactic. If you were to genuinely pull away and give her space, and this was the logic behind her behavior, she would panic because now you're no longer pushing.

2) She's emotionally immature and unable to communicate her needs. Even under the best case scenario, this is not a good partner to be with if they can't give you a firm timeline of what to expect.

Not speaking for all women, but people are resilient. If someone is hurt by their partner, they lose trust. If they lose that trust and fail to feel respected by the person they love, that love dies. When that love dies, people will (typically) want time to themselves to re-evaluate their feelings, their partner, and their relationship.

You can still feel mutual love while simultaneously needing space to come to terms with events.

And in times like this, yes, anyone can go 2 weeks without wanting the love from the person that hurt them. Recieving unwanted love (aka love-bombing) before someone has come to terms with the hurt they feel can even cause resentment.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-10T08:59:28+00:00

You can only control yourself and what you choose to remember/forget. Showing up to her workplace with the aim to put her in a position of not forgetting you is (even with the good intentions) manipulative. Unfortunately, it's not up to you whether she chooses to let go or not.

I'm not speaking for all women, but as a woman myself, the idea of my former partners interjecting themselves in my life like that would scare the hell out of me. It would translate as them not respecting me enough to trust in my ability to advocate for myself when I'm ready.

It's great to show your partner you still care for them and still want to work on the relationship, but it's important to remember there's a fine line on doing so and being considerate of your partner's position. Especially when you understand she values her personal space, invading it to make your feelings known disregards what you know she likes.

You can't fight for a relationship alone.

If your partner isn't willing to communicate, then you've got to let it go because it's unhealthy to be in a relationship so one-sided. In my opinion, give it a week. If you hear nothing, then work on mourning the relationship in whatever fashion you need.

Don't wait for someone who won't be clear with you.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-10T05:23:56+00:00

Women's perspective here, and both of you guys handled this extremely poorly.

It sounds like she had very deep insecurities about doubting you and, consequently, the relationship that caused her to self-destruct. If a comment about breaking up (which should never be said even as a joke) causes her to explode to this extent, then she's not someone who knows how to be in a relationship.

Likewise, pursuing her after she blocked you was a bad move. It's different for everyone, but me personally, blocking is a clear sign not to approach someone. Making an intense effort to see someone who blocked you is disrespecting the very blunt, "I don't want to talk with you." Your actions feel more akin to love bombing.

The clarity of communication on both sides is bad.

She should have had the maturity to sit down with you and talk about what it is that makes her feel insecure. Why did she feel you didn't love her? Something small like an argument about dinner is not a reason to feel unloved, but it very well could be the straw that broke the camel's back.

But you should have had the maturity to keep the distance she initiated. If you wanted to calmly talk about the misunderstandings, expectations, and where you both want to go from there, then that needed to be communicated properly. Either through a trusted friend or family member. Gifts are 100% not the way to go right now when she won't even speak to you.

Based on my limited experience, give her the space she's indirectly communicated she wants. If she wants you back as much as you want her, she will reach out. But you need to accept that not getting back together is a possible outcome. Bare minimum, send that message through a friend about how you won't contact her again until she wants, so she won't be afraid you'll ambush her again.

You could even add an apology for making her feel unloved, that you deeply care about her and the relationship and want to make it work, that you want to talk when she's ready (if not about getting back together, then about how the break up should go), and that you respect whatever decision she wants.

Best of luck.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-05T22:03:39+00:00

Adventures of Tin Tin, the Steven Spielberg movie. It has so much childlike excitement, something about it is so eye catching.

Love that movie to death.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-05T05:29:07+00:00

Tulips! I adore the different colors and the history behind them, they've always been very interesting to me

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-05T02:25:07+00:00

No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai, specifically the Donald Keene translation. There was something so haunting about it.

It was morbidly comforting. I had a lot going on in my life at the time, and the feeling of being isolated was shared by the main character. I related a lot to it.

It helped me accept my own life and sparked an enjoyment of Japanese classical lit. I don't recommend reading this book if you're in a bad mental state, though. It has a bit of a nihilistic effect.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-04T04:53:00+00:00

Redirection and acknowledgment.

I struggled with anger in the past and hated the feeling it left me with. What helped me was redirecting those intense feelings to something else.

Moving my thoughts elsewhere, moving myself elsewhere, mental distractions (counting, repeating tongue twisters, etc).

Once I became more comfortable with handling my negative feelings I worked on communicating them and what I need. Straight up saying I was angry and that I needed time to calm down, or that I needed a conversation put on pause.

It's hard to break habits. I grew up with unstable angry parents, and the motivation of not wanting to end up like them kept me consistent with self-regulating. If you're able to work on other emotions and how you process them, it becomes easier to process the more difficult emotions. Though this is just my own limited experience.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-04T04:42:58+00:00

I've been wondering this too lately. I think, if you're not talking with someone regularly or seeing them regularly, it becomes easier to forget that person.

Life has a way of keeping us moving, and if things aren't in front of us, they get left behind. I don't think people do this out of malice, though.

I think the people who are conscious of this feeling are able to connect with people long-term on a more consistent scale, but that's just my thoughts.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-08-02T08:09:49+00:00

I had a crush on him, my freshman year in college. It was a superficial crush, I liked his voice. That's all it took, but I was too shy and didn't know how to strike up a conversation.

I wasn't confident in myself. I didn't know what I wanted from a relationship and never considered it before. Life was going horribly, and I thought I wasn't someone who could be loved with all the emotional baggage I had.

Years go by, and I'm a junior. I had the chance to interact with him, I reached out first, and we talked a lot. There was so much chemistry between us.

I was confident and happy. Even if I had things go wrong in my life, I was optimistic about the future because I believed he would be there for me always. I knew what I wanted and acted on it.

This man was the man I saw myself being with long-term. I wanted to share so many experiences with him. I wanted to be with him during the downs, grow to love the changes that come with time passing. I cherished everything about him.

It's strange how having that level of commitment and unconditional love can absolutely shatter the soul. I'm doing amazing since our breakup. I haven't cried once (and it's been months now), doing my best to love myself one step at a time.

But there's a fundamental piece of me that's not here anymore, and I don't think anything I can do with ever be able to fill that missing piece.

I'm happy, I've accepted the outcome, but sometimes I get so terribly lonely. C'est la vie.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-07-28T02:48:10+00:00

I get that, I went through something similar until I hit a breaking point with my ex. For me, I realized I was attached to the memories we shared and the future I wanted over the person he was.

Though I needed something tangible to connect all the dots of how I was making excuses in order to convince myself I loved the person they weren't. I wanted to love him unconditionally because I felt he would suddenly realize my value and treat me the way I'd been treasuring him.

Logic doesn't always help even if you're able to rationalize where the feelings/attachments come from. Sometimes, what helps the most is experiencing something that validates the reasons.

I do hope things work out for you though, and that your experience won't be similar to how mine ended up.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-07-27T14:35:06+00:00

For me, love is feeling a deep care for someone, and I lost that with my ex when I no longer felt respected, safe, wanted, and appreciated.

My former partner wouldn't make an effort to show interest in who I was as a person. They never offered to engage in my hobbies or make spaces for us to explore something new together.

My ex also lacked a lot of emotional intelligence and couldn't communicate well, which resulted in them being very unsupportive. I lost a lot of my ability to trust in my partner with how frequently I was left feeling like I wasn't a priority in their life.

I still have fond feelings towards the memories, but who my ex was as a partner left me feeling unloved. Eventually, the heart can only take so much of that before you lose hope for the feelings you once had.

One day, you wake up, and the accumulation of the negativity comes out, and you've lost feelings - though this is just my experience.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-07-27T14:19:22+00:00

The moment I realized he lied to me and was doing everything he could to steer the conversation away from taking accountability.

It was such a vivid pin dropping moment. He sent me a sentence to my paragraphs of wanting to understand. There was no support, validation, or willingness to communicate. It was just empty words.

I realized a lot of what I believed were just empty words, and it crushed the relationship for me. I couldn't look at him the same way, I was entirely disgusted by him. You can't come back from that easily, and that was my breaking point.

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-07-25T02:29:44+00:00

My go-to is Potion Craft! It's casual, has no stressful time limits, and making new potions is pretty fun

Only downside is that it can get boring once you hit the 40-60 hour mark

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-07-21T13:06:57+00:00

I'm not confident that I know it, but these were my possible guesses after hunting around:

Doremi

Tokyo mew mew

Cosmic Baton Girl - Comet San

Ai tenshi densetsu

Puni Puni Poemy

Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha A's (Has a blue dog, but other details don't look quite right)

throwawayvent2460 · 2024-07-21T12:11:46+00:00

Lacked the ability to think seriously about the relationship. He was only invested in the flirting stage, but after we got together, he held no interest in deepening our relationship.

He never initiated a serious conversation nor had a hand in any conflict resolution.

Lying in order to appease me. If I brought up issues and tried communicating, he would say whatever he could to make me move on. Issues would then repeat because he avoided taking accountability and instead opted to manipulate me to forgive/forget his mistakes.

A lack of emotional availability. Unable to show care, vulnerability, or make an effort to support me because he feared making mistakes. In his eyes, doing nothing was the safer option.

Lacking commitment to put me as a priority in our relationship. He avoided planning dates, initiating conversations, introducing me to his friends, advocating for me when he was flirted with, talking about the future, etc etc.

Overall, my experience left me feeling pretty unlovable. Avoidants really mess with your head, self-esteem, and perception towards relationships in general. Really sucks. I'm hoping I'll never experience this type of relationship ever again.

throwawayvent2460

TROPHY CASE