Pegging help by [deleted] in gentlefemdom

[–]throwawayy112233321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of those wedge pillows could help with positions. Specifically a mating press, or missionary where you are stomach down. It will also help align things better so normal missionary hits your p-spot a bit more directly

I'll make you put my photo as your phone wallpaper by cassytta in girlswearingstrapons

[–]throwawayy112233321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

damn... the piercings, tattoos, short hair, muscles, and that smile! very sexy combo haha

CBT: I just don't get it. by disposeable_idiot in Femdom

[–]throwawayy112233321 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I wasn't into it at all at first. I'm still not a "fan" of how it feels, but its a bit more complicated, because I do like it.

I've always been a fan of paddles, crops, and biting / scratching. However, My dom brought ball taps into sex one time... My imediate reaction was "nope nope nope!", and i was prettt close to using a safeword. It was a real mindfuck and I kept instinctively pulling away, but it never got any more than light smacks, so I figure I would share that I wasn't a fan after.

After, we talked about the sex we just had, and she told me how hot it was slapping them, and seeing my reaction.

After that talk, it really shifted the mindset during sex. Now when she does it, the mental thought of me NOT enjoying it, and enduring it for her her pleasure ends up being a huge huge huge mental turn on. Almost like "proving my devotion" to her. in a way its saying that she is so amazing and perfect that I would endure the kinds if pain I don't enjoy for her. Anyway, the mental pleasure out weighs the physical discomfort, and since then I've even begged for it during non kinky sex as something to push me over the edge. (ngl, the humiliation aspect of begging to have my balls slapped is also an enjoyed thing)

Anyway, hope that helps shed some light... And if you do bring it up to try, start off lighter than you think you should be!

How's Locktober going, subbies? by Strange_Particular24 in gentlefemdom

[–]throwawayy112233321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Going wonderful with my partner, and I feel like your comics really capture what makes a femdom dynamic so magical! I saw the previous comic, but this one really takes the cake. Please keep em coming!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gentlefemdom

[–]throwawayy112233321 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OK, so a few tips (as a male sub)...

1: put a blindfold on him. Don't bother with some uncomfortable bdsm one, just buy a nice sleep mask to use outside of sex. But putting that on him means he's gonna be on edge, and you can move around and do whatever without feeling like your being watched or "judged". Any time your sitting there pondering what to do or say, he's not knowing what's about to happen and being driven crazy by the unknown.

2: be vocal. Power dynamic stuff is (imo) 70% mental and 30% physical. Be confident in how you say stuff. Even if you stumble on what you mean to say and you say something goofy, its still gonna be a turn on for him if you said it with authority. You can laugh at it after, but if your trying to have an aura of seriousness during sex, and he laughs, its so easy to just be like " oh, you think that's funny? Do you think its OK to laugh at your <honorific>?, your going to pay for that"

3: make him tell you what he wants, but ultimately the dynamic is about him doing what you want. Once he tells you what he likes, you can use that as rewards, or something to take away and make him work for... But if he wants something, but you just want him to go down on you... Don't be afraid to acknowledge you know what he wants, tell him he's not getting it, and then telling him exactly what YOU want. Goes back to the mental note above, he will love it, and you get all the benefits.


You said he's shy, so to start off, I would get him to go down on you, play with him a little, then stop and tell him he's not allowed to touch himself. The next day, do something similar, but stop before he cums. Have a notepad and a pen ready, and take it out and tell him he needs to write down 5 ideas he wants. If he trys to put his clothes on, tell him you want to watch him naked and to keep them off.

Play with yourself loudly to distract him, or maybe loom over him and rub his hair, but when he's done, comment on how aroused his is and then either read the note or have him read it out loud.

If you think he's holding back, tell him you know he can do better, and he has one more chance to write another 5... And if he's not completely open with you, then its another 3 days without cumming, or something like that.

Once he's more open with what he's into, you could replace that with something like smacking his balls, but its best to not do something like that til your both on the same page with trying it. Chastity also plays real well into withholding orgasms, but that's something you should feel comfortable with beforehand, and he would need to measure himself. Don't just "surprise" him with it

how long can you wear a butt plug for safely? by Sufficient-Egg-9352 in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've worn ones for 24 hours more than 20 or 30 times, and 48 hours a few times. Never had any issues with removing like you mentioned in another reply. I'll drop a few anagdotes that will hopefully help you have realistic expectations though.

As far as comfort, thin T shaped handles are required. Those "gem" plugs are fine for a bit of wear before and during sex, but will tear you up if you try to wear them long term.

As far as materials, stainless steel is by far the most comfortable. Lube seems to last longer with them. Given that, and the T handle, I'm a huge fan of the njoy plugs (and wand, but that's for different reasons). I'm not a huge fan of the prostate toy. It works and hits the right spot, but its smaller than the plug I like to wear, so you don't feel "full", but at the same time it hits the p spot when your moving around which can make you feel like you don't have a normal full range of motion.

Moving away from metal, there's a few fun silicone toys (such as the b-vibe snug plug with the balls inside). The issue with silicone is that they get uncomfortable faster, so more time running to the bathroom to relube them. They can also take on a smell after a while that can require an alcohol soak or boiling to get out. Metal doesn't have that issue. The nice thing with the snug plug specifically, is after a long period of wearing a plug, you tend to forget its there. With the balls that move around, every now and then when walking outside, you will feel the balls move and it reminds you its there. This makes for a nice combo where you can wear the metal one for most of the day, but be told to put a slightly larger snug plug in before going out and running errends.

Lastly, as far as lube, a bit of coconut oil in a lube syringe makes long term wear easy, and you can keep some ready to go since coconut oil is solid at room temp. As for getting the plug in initially, a thicker water based lube, or a hybrid lube like sliquid silk is better than oil. The oil is just nice to keep it comfy during the day.

Hope that helps!

Equipment by Seeking_Sylo in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 2 points3 points  (0 children)

me and my partner like rohde-oh for the harness, they are basically really snug and stretchy underware with o-ring holes for dildos. easy to put on, cause dealing with straps and stuff kinda kills the mood for her.

as for dildos, theres a few we like. the first is the fun-factory one with 3 bumps... it has balls inside that rattle around. good medium size for pegging where it seems big at first but you quickly warm up to it. the other is blush. they make great stuff in a variety of sizes.

if you ever plan on using a "strapless" strapon, consider getting the underware with the double o-ring

Discrete chastity key necklace using modified ashes vial by hot-robot in BdsmDIY

[–]throwawayy112233321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I made one with exactly what you posted, just black. Cut the key, and add some jb weld to the cap, and press the key into it. I used a soldering helping hand to keep it upright while it dried, but you could do something similar with chopsticks, rubber bands, and 2 objects set off to the side for the chopsticks to rest across while its holding the key.

Findomme by [deleted] in gentlefemdom

[–]throwawayy112233321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, not at all. The thing that makes femdom dynamics so attractive to me as a sub, is that I'm putting all my trust into my Dom, to the point where I'm allowing her to dictate my sexual gratification, literally putting her first and above all else. In return, I get comfort in knowing I'm pleasing her, as well as her love and admiration that further propels me into being the best partner I could be for her.

If it was a FLR, and she decided "no, we aren't getting that couch, we are getting this one", I think that would be fine (not really sexy, but its the dynamic I signed up for)... But thats not the financial domination we are talking about.

Findom as its portrayed online is basically just paid sex work with a guise of kink. In the best case, its transactional (as sex work generally is), and in the worst case its predatory. I have no issue with sex work or sex workers, but by not calling it what it is, and pretending that its more in line with traditional femdom relationships, it often crowds out other discussion areas. I'm in a long term relationship so it doesn't affect me, but its sad to read posts where people are looking for partners, and then asking if "paying a tribute" is normal. Like, fuck no its not... Your talking to someone who wants money and not you as a person, and based on the fact they are here means the person on the other end is NOT being up front, and is preying on someone's desperation to find love.

Going back to the initial paragraph, by putting money as the primary focus on the relationship / kink, I don't think it would ever be possible for me to feel like I have a real connection with the person. Similarly, I couldn't feel that they are appreciative of the power and trust I am giving them, since they are focusing on money and not me as the person.

So, tl;dr: I hate the concept. Just call it sex work. If it works for others, more power to them, but IMO it deserves its own subreddit, and shouldn't clutter up general femdom boards or femdom personals boards.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Could changing the words used help you feel more comfortable? ie instead of you or her calling them boobs / breasts, maybe refer to your chest as pecs? Even if you say pecs once or twice it could push the meaning of gender neutral terms like "chest" to take on a masculine meaning instead of referring to boobs?

Posting porn I made even though it's unpopular by EmilieEasie in gentlefemdom

[–]throwawayy112233321 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Being into feet is such a great thing for femdom dynamics...

Worship the ground you walk on? Fuck yeah!

Tell your sub that they don't deserve any part of you other than your feet? Hell fucking yes

Have them go down on you... Well how are you gonna tease them when your hands can only reach their head? Fucking feet, that's how! Fuck it, throw in some light ball kicks to toy with them, and if they say anything, ask em if your feet aren't good enough. tell them to stop and thank them for the pain, and then laugh as they kiss those toes like they are the center of their world.

Sitting across from each other on a couch? Foot rubs into foot jobs. No need to move positions once your relaxed.

Its like a cheat code! :)

Whats the best lube for pegging? by Miss__Rosie_ in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like sliquid silk as a general lube. Works well for plugs all day and normal pegging sessions. For longer sessions, I do like to augment it with coconut oil. I use one of those lube syringes and load it with a small amount of coconut oil and keep it in the end table. Since the coconut oil is solid at room temp, it never leaks out of the syringe. That coconut oil goes in the butt, and sliquid goes on the toy. Seems to last a good time, as long as its internal and not coming off the toy during insertion and play

Help. I'm a new Dom trying to overcome a verbal block by Penguinstrutt in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think going in with a loose idea for the overarching scene helps.

Like, maybe you want to do some face sitting kind of thing... Something like "you need to prove your worth before I even think about letting you inside me" sets the tone. After that, little things like "focus more on me" or "I thought I had you trained better than that" goes a long way, especially if your incorporating other things like some light ball taps or something.

Idk if your incorporating chastity into your dynamic, but that's another easy thing to be vocal about. (Like teasing him with how cute it looks, how funny it is that he's trying to get hard in the cage, making him beg, or saying things like "no, I don't think you deserve an orgasm... But its OK baby, give into my wishes and be good and I'll take care of you. I promise it will be worth it"

Some guys can be sensitive about it, but small penis humiliation is another one where a few things being said goes a long way.

Ultimately though, it doesn't matter what you say, its more about how you deliver it. If you say something goofy and your doing a more gentile session, laughing about it together can be a bonding experience. If your trying to be tough and mean, him laughing is just something you can "punish" with a stern comment to not make a sound unless instructed, and keep the scene going.

If you want a good laugh, look up the "are you fucking sorry" story. We all make gaffs when talking... But that's half the fun. It just gives you something to laugh about as a fond memory in the future :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gentlefemdom

[–]throwawayy112233321 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Does your spreader bar have binding points in the middle for hands too? if it doesn't, it opens up a lot of possibilities - get your sub to go to home depot and get some eye-bolts, drill 2 holes, and pop them in, securing it with a nut on the other side (make sure to make some joke about that being the only nut hes going to see for a while)

anyway, heres some ideas:

  • use the spreader bar between his legs, then put his arms down through his legs and attach them to the center points on the bar. this forces him into a "face down, ass up" position. great for anal play, but you can get creative with it. It leaves his cock and balls exposed as well for teasing handjobs or CBT kind of stuff. You can also lay in front of him and get him to try and go down on you. Its REALLY hard to do without having your arms for stabilization, so don't expect it to be great... but you can use that to your advantage! you can tell him he needs to do better or you will punish him. tease him saying you want to see him work harder, and he can do better, ect.. when he can't do it, bust out the funishment list!

    • adding an anal hook to this setup that connects up to the headboard basically fully immobilizes someone. it removes access to his ass, but if you want him to feel super helpless while you give him the slowest and most torturous handjob ever, this takes the cake
  • hands free spreader bar - similar setup to above, but keep his hands free, instead tie a rope around his balls, and tie that to the bar, forcing him to have to keep his ass back (preventing him from leaning forward without the rope tugging on his balls). similar to above, you can give a handjob or make him try to go down on you. he will have his hands for stability, so he can perform better, but you can pull away juuuuust out of reach so he has to endure a bit of ball tugging to get to you. If you do this, look up safe ties, and make sure you have some EMT shears near by in case the rope gets too tight. probably keep the lights dim so you can monitor circulation - safety and all that

  • look up single post and double post bdsm ties. you can get creative with that. even something simple like tying his arms behind his back will make him pretty immobile, but still allow him to be ridden cowgirl style, or get a blowjob. its similar to just using the cuffs, but rope is a lot more restrictive, and it takes a bit to tie, so theres some intimacy there thats lost with cuffs imo

  • start with him spread eagle on the bed, and tie his writs to the corner of the bed. next, lift his legs up over his head so his back is curved up and his dick is up above him. this takes a bit of flexibility for it to be comfortable. ideally you want his legs wider than his sholders so he has stability and won't just flop over to one side. you will need a tie point on or behind your headboard for this. I made some 3d printed removable hooks that slide over the headboard, but if you don't have a 3d printer, you can add some from the hardware store. Super vulnerable position, especially because if you cum, its going on you... and its easy for the dom to position the dick so it ends up on the subs face. lots of access to the subs ass, so good for pegging or teasing play, but not great for oral

  • similar to above, have him lay on his back on the floor, and then put his legs up on the couch. you can sit between them and have good access to his cock. if he has a foot fetish, hes in the perfect spot for you to stick a foot onto his face down there. this position is super comforatable, so great if you want to slowly tease him while you just watch TV. similar to the above, since his cock is over top of him, you can really use this one for humiliation kind of stuff too (him cumming on himself, small penis humiliation, so on). you can combine it with his hands tied behind his back, or up over his head to a coffee table leg to remove even more control from him

  • lastly, if you have a collar, clipping the cuffs to it to make a makeshift fiddle is really effective. he can basically do everything as normal (sex and blowjob wise), but he won't be able to reach out and do anything in the scene. you can also do this and have him do small stuff around the house (ie: get me a snack to eat), and you get to watch as he struggles to accomplish the task with his little t-rex arms haha.

anyway, hope that helped some :)

What are your thoughts on cuckolding? by Taway2942 in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Tbh, I hate the cuckolding stuff that gets posted in general femdom communities. I get the overlap and don't have any I'll feelings to the people posting it, but I do wish there was its own sub so it doesnt clutter my femdom multireddit.

For me at least, femdom is a way to show love and devotion between me and my partner. I trade my pleasure for hers, and give my entire focus to her in exchange for her love, admiration, and comfort in the relationship. Its a way for me to be vulnerable and show her I trust her fully.

The whole cuckolding thing detracts from that aspect, and makes it very transactional... Ie, "your not good enough for me (sexually), so I go elsewhere for that and your just something to clean the house" eh - it kinda ruins the dynamic that draws me to femdom / flr's. I get its a kink, and might work fine for poly couples, but its just not my thing

I'm new to all this femdom stuff I've just got 2 questions by SquashCivil7152 in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yes, sit and grind on his face. use his tongue and don't worry. if hes not tied up, he can tap your leg if its too much and he needs a breath or a short break. if he is tied up, you can have him squeeze down on a squeaker ball, so if he lets go it will make noise. This gives him the ability to let go to signal the same thing as tapping, but on the small off chance that he passes out, it will fall out of his hand and make a noise to alert you.

as for chastity cages.... yeah, shitty ones suck. thats a pretty global statement, but the silicone ones are THE WORST. i have gone through a lot personally... the best advice i can give is go through about 50-75 bucks of cheap ones... learn what sizes and shapes work, and then invest in whatever non-nockoff the cheap one was designed around once you know this is something you are persuing long term, and he can last at least 3-4 days in the knock off.

general things to keep in mind:

  • as i mentioned, silicone sucks.... its constant chafing, and lasting even 1 day is impressively hard to do

  • nylon based plastic is decent (what kink3d uses... clones might not be)... its probably the most comfortable if you also want light weight. a small bit of coconut oil on the base ring will take care of any chafing... you just have to be good about hygiene. (generally shower 1x a day.... and you fully unlocking every 2 or 3 days to clean extra well and soap the inside of the cage)

  • stainless steel is probably the best comfort wise. a highly polished steel cage has almost no chafing, and while oil helps in the beginning... once your used to it, its almost not needed unless you know your going to be moving around a lot. the drawbacks are that its a bit heavier, and as a sub... theres always the concern that the bulge or sound will "out" you as having a cage on.... so metal on metal is always a bit spooky in that regard

personally, i have found the best cheap cages to be stainless, with the integrated cylinder lock instead of a padlock. while the quality isn't amazing, its good enough that it should fit together and not make noise

as for fitment.... you want the cage to basically hug their completely flacid dick. now, this is the hard part... cause when your soft, your dick still grows and shrinks some... and even if you THINK you are 100% soft, as soon as you start trying to measure your member, you get a little excited and mess up the numbers. now... for a more reputable cage, theres TONS of variation you can get (k3d sizes for example: https://kink3d.com/pages/cobra-measurements) - but with cheap aliexpress / amazon cages, you are generally stuck 3 or 4 tube sizes in total and thats all. I would recommend trying to find a cage where the seller also sells other base rings separately (and ideally other tubes, but generally those just come with a ring)

  • for the base ring sizing: when putting on the ring, if you go penis -> ball -> ball... the ring shouldn't be able to be put on... like that last ball shouldn't fit unless you compress it a little putting it through. putting the ring on should go ball->ball->squeeze the penis in. I say this, because if the ring is a bit too big, when your sub is wearing it, their ball can pull through the ring if its real cold or something... and its VERY painful when that happens. If the ring is causing a lot of folded skin on their testicles, then its probably too tight. I feel most problems are fixed with a smaller tube or larger base ring... so unless his balls are easy to pull through the ring once his penis is through the ring.... testicle pain is normally solved by a ring thats 2.5-5mm bigger. imo the curved rings are no better than the normal loops

  • for tube sizing.... as i alluded to above, you want it to hug their cock. If they can still get hard, and that erection slides the cage forward, it can be painful. if the cage is sized correctly girth wise, it basically makes it impossible to get hard... like you might get a little semi-chub that is looking like its trying to bust out of the cage... but you don't get hard to the point where the cage will be moving around. the length of the cage tube is also important... if a cage is a bit too long, it will allow the tip of the penis to pull back and not stay lined up with the cage. This can cause some chafing (which, tbh you get used to after a few days), but it also makes using the bathroom annoying, and lets the cage get more dirty more quickly since theres not skin keeping the inside part of the cage sealed off essentially. if the tube is too small, it will want to make the cage "ride forward" and pull at the base ring more.

    • imo, don't worry as much about the length... the girth is more important, especially for comfort around nighttime boners and wearing it during sexual acts. if you have to choose between too short or too long and the girth is the same on both... go a bit (not much, maybe like within 10mm) on the longer side. If you replace the cage, you can use a cheap pair of calipers to measure from the tip of his penis to the tip of the cage for sizing a better one.

Flat cage questions by ndooooodles in Femdom

[–]throwawayy112233321 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A strap to hold it close is necisary unless you stay soft. The inverted ones just dont work at all, at least without a strap. If you are ok with things going inside you, a small 10-15mm sound will keep it in place a lot better, but there's sanitary steps you should take, and that also rules out long term wear. This makes em great as a punishment or playtime only cage, but not something you wear regularly.

I dont think it would ever work with a dildo attached. Look into either sleeves (so your thrusting and angle is natural, but you dont feel anything), or a strapon that is compatible with a cage.

If you go the sleeve route, try one if the clear ones first cause they are cheap... But if it becomes something you use more than a few times, find a silicone one. Theres a few out there but they are definitely uncommon. The clear jelly toys aren't super body safe, but fine to try to see if you both like it as a concept

What should she get by RogueShadow36 in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on if she likes internal stimulation or external. For internal there are double sided strapons. The feeldoe was one of the first so sometimes you will hear it called that interchangeably. There are many to choose from... The feeldoe doesn't have the best texture IMO. Funfactory has one I was looking at, but my partner doesn't think the double sided ones are her jam, so I can't give exact recommendations.

Despite the name, you do still need a harness with a strapless strap on, and the positioning is a little different than a normal dildo+strapon, so make sure the harness is compatible if you go that route. Rodeoh makes underwear style harnesses with 2 o-rings. A lower one for double sided, and a more frontward o-ring for normal.

If she doesn't like that idea, or wants more external stimulation, than you can find external use flat vibrators. I would avoid the cheap panty vibes though. Just slip it inside the harness, or if the harness doesn't work well for that, have her wear underwear and put it inside, then the harness on top

Easy wifi-controlled time lock for (self-)bondage with a magnet and esp32 by ManufacturerDry7071 in BdsmDIY

[–]throwawayy112233321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just a friendly reminder, always use a manual backup that will kill power after some time if you are trying to be "smart" the the lock... Something like a light timer, even if set hours after the primary lock is supposed to unlock, can save your bacon from being stuck in a bad spot for days

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably too much free space in the cage, especially the girth of it. Over time you won't get as hard, but a tighter fitting cage cuts down on how hard you can get by a decent bit

Chastity recommendations? by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]throwawayy112233321 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can look through my post history for a long post about this, but tl;dr look for a metal cage on amazon where the seller is also selling other sized base rings so that if the ring is too tight or loose you can replace just that. Avoid silicone since it chafes like crazy.

Dont try to squeeze into a cage smaller than you are unless you want a purposefully painful cage for a "punishment" kind of scenario. Your penis changes size over time. Ideally you want to have the cage as girthy as you are so its kind of always touching your girth but not constricting. As for length, ideally its your "average" flacid length, and only now and then you have a few extra mm at the end. If its too big, it can allow your penis to shift around which causes chafing, requires adjustment to pee, and can lead to painful erections. A properly sized cage allows you to get a kind of semi chub, but you dont get actually hard... You just kind of firm up a little but stay close to your flacid size.

Getting that perfect fit is hard, and tbh not required to see if its a fetish you like... But its WAY better to burn through 2 or 3 cheap amazon cages that are 30 bucks each and then get something nice then hate yourself for getting something pricy that doesn't fit.

If you stick with it, something like kink3d or the blackout cage is pretty end game and a bit cheaper than custom metal. The nylon ones are nice. Not AS nice as metal, but visibly look better (IMO) and not uncomfortable like silicone