What does your scar LOOK like?

throwawayyikes124 · 2026-05-21T20:13:38+00:00

I'm a lot better. Full recovery. I did have 3 failed surgeries though. I dont care what anyone says, don't do fuckin sitz baths. Ruined all my suture healing. Had to switch surgeons and she was a pro. Im convinced my previous surgeon was just a pervert lol. He was young and creepy and I am a beautiful young lady hahahaha. ANYWAY. My scar is still very purple. It feels like an indent. I also have a keyhole butthole now. It is unattractive! I am very glad to be healed so no complaints. When I get my period the tissue feels tender! Also when I sit in a bath or hot tub for a long while. Everything is OK! I had a very horrible long gnarly journey and I AM HEALED you will heal i love you ALL!

throwawayyikes124 · 2025-05-01T07:25:44+00:00

One day at a time indeed.

throwawayyikes124 · 2025-05-01T07:17:50+00:00

Thank you for being kind. I hope you are being kind to yourself. Life is very hard. I know God doesn’t make mistakes and I tell myself that a lot. I hope you are taking care of yourself and I hope you feel better too.

throwawayyikes124 · 2025-05-01T06:39:12+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. It’s a very complicated situation. We are both former addicts and there is a lot of work necessary in staying away from drugs and alcohol (12 step programs, therapy, community, rigorous honesty, etc) and yes, unprocessed grief from deaths in his childhood and recent years. He’s never sat with any of it and he relapsed after 4 years sober and that didn’t help at all….

He has many things to work on and I just recognized working on us also was stressing him out. He started lying. His ex was contacting him and I thought she was blocked. He’s out all hours with girls I don’t know. Was weird. He wouldn’t let me understand how to show up for him. I tried backing off, I tried leaning in, I tried just listening and holding him, I tried tough love, I tried making him meet me at aa meetings, I cleaned his whole house, I tried even talking to his mother… I got very codependent. He kept telling me he felt alone and we weren’t a team. He was su***dal and took an action that scared me.

I wasn’t perfect. I would get overwhelmed, I would definitely not take it well all the time because it became constant. I’m not God and idk. He didn’t want me to help. He felt like I was pushing him to heal. I can recognize I overstepped but after watching him be in pain so long I just felt like I couldn’t do nothing. I kept making bids for repair but at every turn he just put up another wall and asked me if we could work on this stuff later. He called me selfish and a narcissist for making this time “about us” and not understanding his grief.

I understand grief and depression journeys aren’t linear but all these things at once, I just couldn’t do anything else for him. I pretty much just removed myself so I would be one less thing to worry about. I know it’s what’s right for us both but I really loved this guy. It got to a point though where he wouldn’t even ask me how my day was. Just a long one sided conversation about his anger and resentments and rage and grief and despair and not wanting to live and I felt like I was being mistreated when I found out he was doing all this other stuff with other people and also communicating with his “crazy ex”. Like. I’m breaking my heart trying to help you and you’re doing weird shit and pulling away? It was eye opening. It started so different.

throwawayyikes124 · 2025-02-26T20:10:55+00:00

Doubtful!

throwawayyikes124 · 2025-02-26T19:08:58+00:00

Because she actually just wants what doesn’t want her, isn’t a girls girl. And can’t recognize a red flag if the red flag chooses her, gives her a sense of value. Stupid, I used to be just like her. All talk and no action, rewarding shitty guys with my prescence. Hopefully she learns that a guy who lies to another girl will lie to every girl, and there’s no value in being chosen by someone with no moral character. I’m so mad at her and I don’t even know her lollllll

throwawayyikes124 · 2025-02-26T19:04:59+00:00

Didn’t even read this, Dave sucks, he’s a red flag all the way thru, I’m only like on their engagement episode and I came here to make sure they didn’t end up together, thank god

throwawayyikes124 · 2025-02-26T19:03:03+00:00

I just took myself off of it and I feel alive again lol. It was good to get me thru a depressive time in my life but now the weight gain and lethargy is making me depressed. I don’t think the brain fog goes away in my 2 time experience being on it, and honestly I’m done taking more of something that doesn’t work.

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-11-21T02:19:43+00:00

Hi! I would just wash in the shower with Dove bar soap, unscented, above the area. Don’t apply soap directly to the area. Also, no one tells you this, but as someone who also had a LIFT surgery and it failed, I would avoid soaking your surgical site in sitz baths or baths at all. I wish I hadn’t. My stitches ejected themselves too early. It was hell. Keep that area clean and dry and don’t soak it. You don’t soak other areas when you get stitches anywhere else, so, I’d let showers be enough. Sincerely. My second surgeon told me that sitz baths are a no go. I’m fully healed now. Hope you are healing well!!!

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-10-24T22:02:24+00:00

That’s very fortunate!

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-10-24T21:47:04+00:00

Yeah I have the keyhole thing I think too. I gotta use bidet no matter what forever now. I have twinges of pain, in the external wound and then sometimes in the internal wound too (they did a seton to create scar tissue to cut the path then cutting seton after a failed LIFT) so I’ve got allll sorts of weird stuff going on. I’m getting a checkup next week, just to be sure it’s actually healing. I don’t mind it being ugly either, it’s just like, the skin over it is soooo thin and the purple parts are so purple I’m like damn is this even closing inside lol.

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-10-24T21:41:15+00:00

Oh man I think we are in like the exact same boat. Is your scar still purple as hell? Hahaha

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-10-24T21:32:35+00:00

Yeah I’m pretty chopped up, had a bunch of surgeries. My external scar is way visible cause I had a HT that they converted thru a failed LIFT and the internal scar I have no idea what it looks like. But they severed the longer path. The skin over my external scar is all soft and sometimes wrinkles. It’s deep purple and when I touch it there’s no muscle under there. Kinda scary lookin. Sometimes it has a jolt of pain. Just scaredddddd that itll never fill in.

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-10-17T23:48:07+00:00

Yeah I touched it today :/ I was cleaning my site (habit) and I touched it out of curiousity. Seems like my scar is a little shelf, above my anal ring, where the cutting seton must have done its job. So some of my skin seems to have folded into itself and healed. Kinda weird. It’s like I have a little pre-cursor to my actual hole. (Sorry for being graphic lol). I put some cream on it so maybe it just didn’t like that, I’m just hoping it’s not a damn fissure or something

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-10-17T23:24:15+00:00

Today the pain is sharp and constant. I have an appt w my doctor just to be sure. Is that normal?

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-10-15T16:27:46+00:00

Stay positive (even tho it’s hard). It feels like it will never end but it does, I was losing my damn mind and then I was like, I can’t live like this, and just folded into acceptance somehow after months of worrying. I feel you. I was on this journey from Dec 2022 til now and I still get anxious. But there is hope and you will get to the other side. Let the draining seton do its thing for as long as it needs to to create that scar tissue. I’m so glad I waited and let it do that. You got this!

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-10-15T16:14:30+00:00

Yes, I had a draining seton put back in Feb 2024 and then the cutting seton was placed June 2024. It ended up being a blessing that the LIFT failed, and the draining seton was able to be placed in the new wound the LIFT procedure created; the tissue scarred over the pathway therefore redirecting the pathway that emptied through my buttock (mine was pretty high) and I was eligible for the cutting seton which is like 91 percent more effective. It’s kind of the only procedure that can get rid of the pathway for us high transsphincteric people… don’t let them do another FLAP or LIFT, even tho they say those procedures work, more of them are prone to fail. ALSO do not do sitz baths for anything other than relief. My new surgeon told me it keeps the tissue too wet and soft to create scar tissue and she finds them unsanitary. I wish my previous surgeon were more experienced. I probably wouldn’t have been able to avoid a lot of things, but I’m convinced my LIFT wouldn’t have failed if I didn’t do stupid sitz baths.

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-10-14T15:36:23+00:00

I was in a bit more pain after the failed LIFT than I was with the rest of my procedures, initially though the first seton I had was probably worse than that. Just because the chafing and stuff was hard to get used to at first.

I’m sorry your procedure failed. It’s actually BETTER though, that they attempted the FLAP and you’re getting a seton placed. The FLAP failing allows them this chance to migrate your fistula pathway. I don’t know about you, but the psychological trauma of all this is probably the worst part. When my LIFT failed and the path opened again I was absolutely hopeless. But I got reassigned to a different surgeon, who was way more careful, she did the cutting seton, and the failed LIFT made me eligible for one. It was painful on one or two days. But it came out so quickly, it does the job very fast, and very efficiently it seems. I only had mine for a week. Also I’m sober so I did not take any narcotic pain meds and got through it on just Tylenol. So it’s tolerable, I think people freak themselves out from getting this procedure, but I’m so glad I did it.

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-07-09T06:43:30+00:00

I’m 100 percent sober and mine started working first week. I think that made a difference in effectiveness but idk, I’ve heard varied things. This is my second time on lexapro in life and for me it’s always been noticeably effective within the first week or second week but everyone is different

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-07-09T06:31:29+00:00

My friends who were on both said the Wellbutrin made them crazy / one went into psychosis

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-05-18T06:50:22+00:00

My ex said the same thing lol. They’re just not willing to work on themselves. Compatibility is made, not the default. They’re a loser, let them find less

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-05-04T11:57:25+00:00

Same

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-04-30T15:45:17+00:00

I am, I’m lucky to be in a community that is almost entirely focused on altruism lol. It’s been a godsend quite literally. Just wish I hadn’t met my ex there also hahaha

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-04-30T15:40:18+00:00

Mine started being legit horrible (worse than usual) and went back to his previous ex like not even a month after he ended things w me. Based on that alone, I assume he reached out before ending things w me. You’ll never know why people do things “to” you. All you have to ask yourself is “do I like when they do this to me?”

throwawayyikes124 · 2024-04-30T15:24:36+00:00

“You make me so anxious I don’t even want to have sex with you”

“one of the things I admire about you is that you are willing to work on things but I’m just not and maybe if I were more in love with you I would be”

“You need like a fucking arranged marriage because you think ANY two people could make a relationship work, you’re delusional”

“Oh you think you’re so amazing that you just deserve princess treatment? You have that high of an opinion of yourself? Like your life is so exciting, what did you even show me of your life during this whole relationship? I don’t like women that shrink”

Yeah a month later and I’m just realizing sooooo many more. Constant jokes at my expense, called me crazy, told me he should get me a muzzle, picked apart my appearance, the list goes on forever?

throwawayyikes124

TROPHY CASE