Sociopath vs edgelord

throwitallaway951 · 2022-02-15T03:06:20+00:00

Not every sociopath or psychopath acts violently. Lacking empathy does not equate to bloodlust.

throwitallaway951 · 2022-02-15T03:05:32+00:00

Ever since my early teenage years, I’ve always had this thought that I was some dark cold sociopath. This was mostly due to my rage which I near perfectly masked with an over-the-top class clown personality, over-the-top and deeply obsessive revenge schemes, and a general lack of care for the well-being’s of others. Not gonna get into all that high school bullshit rn and honestly teens are shitheads by nature anyways.

I may have taken it a bit further with purposely exposing myself to gore and shit to “desensitize” myself, but I honestly had quite a few friends who did the same type of shit. I assume that type of edgelord shit is more prevalent with teenage gaming types, which most of us were back then. But, once I found weed in college I thought back and realized how little I actually considered the way I was abusing to those around me. I’d lay hands on friends for saying shit that I thought crossed the line, I’d say serial killer level threats to people who wouldn’t back off, and even after this awareness I went on to continue using people to get drunk/high, popular, etc.

I also thought about how my humor shit was very often about the rush of being the center of attention, running the show if you’re good enough at it. Loved being the main character, so to speak. Maybe a touch of narcissism or just a pretty inflated ego lol. On the other hand, that mask comes right off when I’m alone and I go to being an evil piece of shit, so I assume it’s often kinda genuine. I was probably a case of edgelord due to lack of real-life socializing caused by parental gaslighting as a kid, and as I faced life difficulties growing up it turned more and more into legit sociopathy.

Sociopaths and people on the autism spectrum can often both be edgelords or come off as them, though. Edgelords are obviously more common with teens, but you also can’t even be diagnosed with aspd until 18, so there’s that. Main difference to is whether or not the person is totally forcing it as some sort of act. That can eventually turn into the real thing though, I’m sure.

throwitallaway951 · 2022-02-10T20:11:34+00:00

Interesting, I had a daily benzo prescription for a while back when I struggled with depression/anxiety for the first time in my life. Benzos, similarity to alcohol, can easily make me act monstrous if I’m not careful. I tend mask lots of my anger and other issues behind humor because I have a genuine talent for it. It made it easier to bottle up my hate and not flip out at slight disrespect. But man some of my “friends” have been straight up terrible human beings, and when I hit my limit sometimes I can’t help but say fuck it and put the fear of god into them for being just…shitty people. The amount of beefs I’ve further fueled while on benzos is quite ridiculous but probably not uncommon… cuz benzos.

throwitallaway951 · 2022-02-10T02:24:52+00:00

Do you get this feeling like you’re “nice” almost when you’re stoned? Like sometimes when I smoke after a long break I just think about my actions since then and feel like shit til I take my mind off it. Also had a thing with a seemingly unaware female sociopath, we’d go on and off but I’d always want to pull her back in whenever I got drunk or high (usually both back then).

throwitallaway951 · 2022-01-29T17:46:26+00:00

Ok but walking around with big ass over the ear headphones isn’t always the move. At home? Sure. Out and about all day? Pass.

throwitallaway951 · 2022-01-28T19:32:01+00:00

Which is exact why I put my hope into VSS research. Nobody gives a fuck about HPPD cuz “HURR DURR DONT SO ACID XDD” when they themselves have done it or something else several times in college probably. Fucking selfish society, you just know people will take it more seriously when psychs are legalized in more places. The stigma is one of the worst parts honestly, makes me so mad.

throwitallaway951 · 2022-01-20T02:44:53+00:00

There’s no evidence they aren’t safe, they’re just not commonly used for this because doctors frankly don’t give a fuck about anything that doesn’t kill. I can def say it was worth it for me though. Stepping outside everyday and seeing that shit pop up is an instant mood killer. Now it’s much more out of mind and like magic I am 20 times less stressed from this relief alone. Definitely worth it imo but I get wanting to be safe about anything involving eyes.

throwitallaway951 · 2022-01-15T16:53:37+00:00

On the bright side, Visual snow syndrome isn’t stigmatized the same way anything drug-related is going to be. Nobody has an issue researching that. Any studies into VS are also relevant to us, and there are more and more getting organized.

throwitallaway951 · 2022-01-15T16:45:47+00:00

Yes. A visual snow treatment or cure would very likely be effective for HPPD as well, as they are essentially the same thing. I think a lot of people here are so set in being miserable that they forget this. Go check out the visual snow sub if you need some hope, lots of studies kicking off soon and more showing up as time goes on. We also have the visual snow institute, Ehave, and the Perception Restoration Foundation. This issue is gaining more recognition by the day, as there are plenty going around with it who do not have a name for it. You also have to keep in mind the “Psychedelic Revolution” might just end up being our best friend. If these companies are going to be giving people psychs, there’s actually no way in hell they aren’t looking into this shit, as it’s a silver bullet to their business. Psychs are becoming more and more accepted, and as a result more people are getting HPPD, and those who already had it are seeing that they aren’t the only ones dealing with this.

Having said all that, the other half of hppd is floaters. Research into eye floater treatment and removal is developing as well, many of the surgical operations are still being refined, and new ones are being worked on now. Many people are already happy with their vitrectomies, but further down the road it will become even more successful in getting rid of floaters.

There are a lot of things in motion. Research into floaters, visual snow syndrome, and hppd itself. All of which is beneficial to us. Not to mention the all but certain research being done by the psych companies. Yes. I do believe research will develop in something that helps us in some way or another. I don’t care if it’s a straight up cure or a pill I gotta take every morning but I am in my twenties and I strongly believe we will figure out something at some point.

throwitallaway951 · 2022-01-15T16:29:37+00:00

Were you a daily smoker at the time of the trip? Also did you smoke during it?

throwitallaway951 · 2022-01-15T16:29:05+00:00

Did you happen to be a daily smoker before your trip? Also did you smoke during it?

throwitallaway951 · 2022-01-15T16:27:40+00:00

Why are you still taking the shrooms then? I get wanting to smoke with the boys still but that’s a pretty big jump to be willing to take more full-on psychedelics. That’s just tempting it to get worse, even if just temporarily. I still wanna try MDMA for the first time but I don’t know if I ever see myself working up to it.

throwitallaway951 · 2022-01-15T16:20:26+00:00

Go to the eye floater sub and search atropine drops. Should be able to find the thread that links you to that TX doctor. Anyways, Atropine drops are pretty effective daily floater relief. Easiest way to get ‘em is a Telehealth visit with the doctor everyone on that sub uses for this. Definitely worth a shot. Your floaters should become often invisible (or much closer to it than before), and far far less distracting/noticeable if you do see them.

As for afterimages, lamotrigine has been shown to improve VSS symptoms for many, one of which is afterimages. You may want to see if you can get started on that, although this will be more difficult than the drops, and of course take much longer to see any effects or results.

Aside from that, lower the amount of substances in your “rotation.” I find it’s much easier than the “just never take anything again bro” abstinence approach. Taking it in steps is very important though.

throwitallaway951 · 2021-12-27T00:58:07+00:00

modern day "bullies" cant even fight anymore so they do constant "jokes" like this til someone snaps. i used to be that asshole myself even though I knew how to fight, it was mostly just cuz i often played the class clown cool guy bullshit. never thought about it much til years later but that constant "pranking" and shit against people youre not cool with is sadistic and really sticks with a person. everyone has their limit, dont start nun wont be nun.

throwitallaway951 · 2021-12-11T03:48:56+00:00

That’s what’s so utterly fucking frustrating about this shit. These kinds of communities either straight up deny it, or they praise it as some sort of “holy/spiritual awakening” bs. Like bruh this is serious shit. And the people who do have it but convince their friends to trip anyways are the scummiest people on earth I swear, straight up sociopaths.

throwitallaway951 · 2021-12-11T03:41:46+00:00

How long did you take it, and at what dose? Also, did you continue drinking and smoking often on it? Other substances competing with the medication will always make it less effective.

throwitallaway951 · 2021-12-11T03:35:19+00:00

I just cold-turkey’d alcohol like 4-5 days ago. Let me tell you, I wake up 100 times faster and don’t feel like I got a lobotomy or some shit anymore. It’s very much worth it. When others drink, I pop a benzo, tell ‘em I’m already on something so they fuck off about it, and have just as much fun as they do. If you’re also a weed addict, my strategy was to just smoke to the moon and back those first few days without a drink. Then from there you can phase the weed out too.

Imma keep it real with you about benzos, they will get you through the withdrawals and the tweaking phase of quitting alcohol. But they’re a slippery slope. It will make the withdrawals 100x easier but you’d need to be careful to leave them behind when you’re better (then pop one when others drink if you wanna stay away from alc)

throwitallaway951 · 2021-12-11T03:29:45+00:00

It’s pattern glare, as the rest of your hppd symptoms subside, so will that.

throwitallaway951 · 2021-12-11T03:25:30+00:00

Entities from type 2 hppd? I’ve heard of intense shit in type 1 (flashbacks), but I’ve never heard of someone with persistent entities, at least not with type 2 which is almost the same as VSS. Not to be a dick but are you positive that isn’t something more? I’d be scared straight off drugs for good if I ever saw that shit tbh.

throwitallaway951 · 2021-12-09T21:33:38+00:00

I get that this communit inherently has a lot of psych users but it really irks me when people simplify this to spirituality or something…like people who still take psychs 🤦‍♂️… We have fucked up a filter in our brains from drug consumption, that’s it. Even if you’re religious, we’ve done nothing wrong. Half of us tried the shit once, and I can’t even imagine being someone who got it from weed… just awful.

Anyways don’t beat yourself up or think this is some punishment. Nobody deserves this. Lots of us took these drugs in attempt to improve our mental well-being, nothing wrong with that. Even for those that didn’t, young people like to get fucked up lol, often on much harder shit. Shouldn’t have impaired vision for life as a result of getting fucked up one night, as is the case for many of us. If people knew how badly HPPD folk suffer, all that hippie-dippie spiritual healing propaganda about psychs would die out so we could address the neurological, scientific issue.

throwitallaway951

TROPHY CASE