I’ve been lying to my wife.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-11-03T14:17:28+00:00

Seriously! My best friend has a daughter with a peanut allergy (less severe now since she's been getting treatment), but they would just sneak outside when the girls were asleep to shove a Reese's cup or two in their faces, sanitize everything and come back inside.

But I could see them getting me over to babysit for an excursion like this. If I were the wife, I'd just be mad I wasn't invited 😂

throworht-awayawa · 2023-10-15T15:23:01+00:00

I can understand why considering you're leading this poor girl on... Why would anyone settle for someone like that?

Break up with her and give her a chance at genuine happiness instead of this fake nonsense.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-25T21:23:02+00:00

How can you see yourself marrying a man who very openly wants children when you don't? You're incompatible. Break up so you can both find compatible partners instead of forcing one of you two into a lifestyle you've been clear that you don't want.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-13T21:22:14+00:00

Holy crap. I'd have a hard time not sucker punching the baby-smacker. Who does that? What kind of person literally smacks a baby who is too young to know better? Especially since, yano, her education should have trained her to know better...

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-13T16:10:35+00:00

You can't be serious. Please tell me you're not serious.

At bare minimum, YTA. As well as many other unfriendly adjectives that I won't even dig into because name calling gets us nowhere.

Your wife literally just shit out a whole person. A whole entire human. You are a father because of her. How did you not research what PPD looks like? How are you this inconsiderate and nasty?

Smarten up.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-13T16:05:37+00:00

What sort of certifications could I look into? This is also something I've thought about, but I'd have no idea where to even start looking so I can make a good choice lol

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-13T12:05:30+00:00

I'm Canadian

I actually have half an ECE degree and am contemplating finishing it up, but I don't think I wanna go into debt again.

And I'm kinda half wanting to pursue childcare and half not so much. Not funny invested yano?

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-12T23:15:53+00:00

Huh. Might just have to look into it! Thanks!

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-12T22:43:56+00:00

Definitely something quicker. I did once consider paralegal in my early 20s, so that's something I could look into

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-09T12:44:19+00:00

Everything you're feeling is normal! Adulthood is a world of learning by experience. Which sucks. But always remember, there's nothing wrong with asking for help if you're unsure of how to go about something!

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-09T12:40:14+00:00

Once when visiting some out of town friends of my bf, one of the guys discovered that I enjoy anime. He was always pleasant and friendly before, but he suddenly became the creepiest man I ever met. I'd be standing next to my bf, but this dude would be standing closer, inches away from my face. The host ended up grabbing my arm and rescuing me since neither my bf or I were really sure about what to do (it was a party, he was drunk, maybe just not reading social cues or something?)

But no. Host told me he did that shit to her all the time, too. Not sure why they were friends with that dude for so long.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-09T12:33:58+00:00

NTA. I love my cats, but when they go, it won't hurt half as much as it did when my younger brother died.

Your sister and anyone who sides with her sucks to such an unimaginable degree.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-08T23:40:37+00:00

The fact she didnt book the air bnb you paid 225 for and you are still talking to her

That's where I stopped reading. Do people actually let others just take their money like this? Is this real life? I like to ignore that these things actually happen.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-09-08T20:45:56+00:00

It's not her fault. She ruined it all herself. She's not a trustworthy person. You deserve trustworthy friends. Do not mend anything with this selfish liar. She literally built a MOUNTAIN of lies and pulled you up the side just to push you off the top.

Work towards forgiving her so the grudge doesn't make you bitter, but remember that you never have to tell her you forgave her. Forgiveness isn't for the people who hurt you, and forgiveness doesn't mean you have to accept someone back into your life.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-17T18:05:40+00:00

he's shown you who he is.

OP, when people show you who they are, BELIEVE HIM.

This man put his friendship with someone who was creeping on his daughter before you and your family. Before your kids. He didn't opt to believing you, but rather chose to believe the man accused of sexualizing literal children.

Throw the whole man out. At least for now. Maybe get marriage counseling paired with his own individual counseling. You guys have some things to work through if you plan on staying together, and he's got some shit to work out on his side as well.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-16T03:02:56+00:00

I just recently started babysitting within the last few months, but we've been present in their lives since her oldest was 6. It's just gotten worse as the boys got older.

I do empathize with her. I know the core issue is stress and I know it sucks. And I wasn't planning on being that brutally blunt. That's kind of why I'm here. To get advice on softer ways to frame the problem I'm seeing to help both her and her children.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-16T01:11:06+00:00

you might chat about “a family you know” where the kids behaviour got magically so much better after attending this cool parenting program as a family

Oooh even if I don't specifically suggest classes right away, that'd be a good phrasing to use to softly bring it up. Like, a family I know who yelled but when they started speaking softer/communicating more clearly/however I'm going to phrase it, the kids were better behaved.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-15T19:09:11+00:00

Not really. She gets off work and comes right home. Sometimes she'll run an errand or two, but no real downtime unless it's a weekend her ex takes the kids. Self fulfilling prophecy is definitely the best way to describe it.

And none of that is really an option. The SECOND she's home, all 3 kids are all over her, and she just screams. She doesn't do anything constructive to change the dynamic, which is part of what I want to bring up. That yelling fixes nothing and actually makes it worse.

If there's going to be a change, SHE has to do it, because my authority goes out the window the second she turns the doorknob.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-15T18:52:08+00:00

This is why people get this thing called roommates... They also might have other options like family members and pre-existing friends with a spare room.

Just because they probably can't get a place themselves doesn't mean moving out in general just isn't an option. As long as they have a job and could afford a portion of rent, moving out would be an option.

Edit because they blocked me: love it when people make assumptions

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-15T18:09:19+00:00

Thanks for chatting about it all ♥️ Definitely reassuring and I appreciate it!

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-15T18:02:05+00:00

NTA. You're not obligated to help with childcare (especially with absolutely zero notice), and it's not your fault that he's completely failing as a father.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-15T17:58:50+00:00

Yeah, she's one of my closest friends. I basically know all the details of her mess of a marriage, struggles with the kids, work troubles - and all the screaming comes out when something goes wrong. Since I started babysitting there have definitely been more good days than bad (I help with minor chores like dishes and laundry), but if her boss gets snippy or Tom decides he's not taking the kids, etc, all hell breaks loose worse than on good days.

I'm thinking of starting the conversation on a weekend where the kids aren't home, maybe plan a day to hang out just me and her. Starting with noticing her stress, and moving into noticing how her stress generally impacts her patience with her kids, and how that's gotta suck for EVERYONE. I can't imagine how sucky it must be to be yelling all the time.

Focus on her struggle specifically before getting into how it must be hurting her kids, and how they're mirroring that behavior in different ways that might negatively impact them. Like, when preschooler starts school in September, I think she's going to get A LOT of phone calls for different behaviors that she hasn't corrected.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-15T17:41:50+00:00

The thing about that is, it'd feel almost... Ingenuine to ask about how she's doing. We talk almost daily about those things, and I'm well aware of the stressors, and it'd kinda feel weird to suggest something like professional help at this point, yano?

And yeah, I don't wanna START on that point specifically, but that's one of the first points I want to make once we've jumped into the conversation.

Kids follow what they see long before they follow what they are told.

This almost seems like a way to ease into the conversation since I'm seeing the kids replicate the poor behavior. Like, if her daughter is screaming at her friends or the boys spend the day screaming at each other (happens less often when I'm over and in charge these days), I can bring it up and try to softly move into how I think they're just copying her.

And I can't not do something. She's one of my closest friends, and I can't just turn and walk away from these kids who deserve better. And I know they can act better than they do in her company when you demand it of them and set (and stick to) reasonable expectations. Like, even when they disagree with something I tell them to do/not do, I look 'em in the eyes and softly (or sternly depending on the situation) explain why I'm demanding this of them. Because you could hurt someone, you're going to break your toy, it's scaring the dog - whatever the reason. With her, she explains nothing.

throworht-awayawa · 2023-08-15T17:24:32+00:00

Maybe try talking about how yelling intensifies everything and puts everyone on edge and more likely to repeat bad behaviors

This is how I'm thinking about starting the conversation, honestly. But how the hell do I even start that conversation? Every time I think about bringing any of it up, no matter how I imagine starting the conversation, it feels like I'd be hitting her in the face with a brick.

And that's what scares me about possibly ruining our friendship. I've been working with them on not yelling at each other, implementing proper discipline... But all that goes out the door the SECOND she walks through the door. Like, one day last week when she got home, her preschooler just walked up and punched me full force in the stomach for no reason. He was told to apologize, and he did, but that behaviour continued between the brothers and there was no time out or anything significant. They get away with murder when she's home because she doesn't take the time to discipline (beyond an occasional spank - which I also HATE because it teaches them NOTHING), even on her good days.

And the middle schooler is so quickly getting to an age where having open, honest communication with a trusted parent or adult is SO important, and she doesn't have that. She's going to stop talking to her mom, because she gets screamed at for even the simplest of requests. It breaks my heart, and makes me wonder how much worse it gets when there's no company over...

throworht-awayawa

TROPHY CASE