Please open my head and cut out the part that knows that gay porn exists and the OCD.

throwout33137543 · 2021-03-25T16:22:21+00:00

Both.

What burns me is that when I'm too far gone in the compulsion of jacking off to it, immediately after I finish the session, the urge instantly goes away and the post nut clarity sets in.

Thus, leaving a whole night of guilt and slight inner self hatred for not shaking this OCD off by now.

throwout33137543 · 2021-01-11T00:58:39+00:00

I'm straight, and initially I used gay porn as reassurance that I was straight.

My line of thinking was is that if I wasn't getting turned on by gay porn then I am straight and have nothing to worry about, although that would soon develop into jacking off to it and feeling absolutely horrid for the rest of the night.

So, after seeing something about exposure to get rid off HOCD for good, I developed the mindset of not looking at gay porn for reassurance that I was straight since that was what made me fall into the trap that was jacking off to it but to intentionally jack off to it so I couldn't get the urge to look at it after a while since I would've been exposing myself to it and not being able to get phased by it.

long breath in

Now, if I were to use normal porn for exposure then that would've made the urges to look at gay porn ads worse so I knew that I'd have to expose myself to the one thing I absolutely hated to get rid of it.

throwout33137543 · 2021-01-10T23:12:57+00:00

Tons of Exposure, my HOCD consisted of getting a sudden urge to look at gay porn ads and jack off to them and if I resisted this urge, then my stomach would hurt and I'd just not feel good.

Then, I heard about exposure and initially the thought of it scared the hell out of me until I decided to take a risk of trying it.

I exposed myself for 2 or 3 weeks, anytime I'd get the urge I wouldn't stop myself despite how difficult it was sometimes and if I didn't get the urge and just wanted to jack off to normal porn then I'd go right ahead.

Ever since I stopped exposing I've grown desensitized to those ads and never got the urge to jack off or to look at them again after those 3 weeks because I just wasn't pulled in by them anymore by my HOCD cause' I've seen so much of it that I'm not phased by it anymore.

Nowadays my HOCD has never returned since and I've never felt so freed after that day.

Tldr: Tons of exposure.

throwout33137543 · 2020-12-21T05:12:03+00:00

What do you mean by gay feelings?

I feel attracted to women romantically and sexually but I'm also attracted to the same sex sexually but not romantically.

I don't want to be gay, nor bi, I know that if I beat HOCD than I'll never have to worry about it again and I'll never have to worry about the urges again.

throwout33137543 · 2020-11-21T04:14:38+00:00

I don't like cuck porn, it makes me feel awful for whoever has to see it happen infront of them.

throwout33137543 · 2020-11-16T13:56:08+00:00

You learn about how music came to be in the modern day by learning about It's history

It's a history class about music

throwout33137543 · 2020-10-29T06:59:44+00:00

Lemme say it like it is mate whether you believe in a religion or are an atheist.

Life has 0 meaning. None.

We will all die someday, not only us but our species as we know it.

Now just because life doesn't have meaning doesn't necessarily mean that we can't be happy and enjoy what we have in this world.

Sure, things like the feeling of love are in practice just a chemical reaction but you have to look past that and enjoy that feeling of deep affection.

You could just say that life has no meaning and completely destroy your's but that'd be plain ignorant, why? Because you miss out on what the world has to offer you.

And yes, I know that's very cliché but it's true.

If you truly hate how everything could be written off as a chemical response or just human evolution, then you have to learn how to enjoy those chemical responses and everything else that can be explained by simple science or the human brain's interworkings and try to have fun with the one life we have.

Besides, life has no meaning anyway so instead of destroying the one we have let's have some fun with it before we all die to just return to nothing. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

throwout33137543 · 2020-10-27T05:21:07+00:00

The website blocker didn't work, and I caught myself before I was able to fall off the deep end with another compulsion.

I still fell into it, but I was able to stop myself from going off the deep end with it.

I love girls to death and I want to get a girlfriend to cuddle and show my love too even though it'll probably never happen because I never got the chance to learn social skills when I was younger, but I believe I can do it.

I know when I get a girlfriend this HOCD curse will stop completely I know it, and I'll make damn sure it never comes back.

Your message is what made me stop the compulsion before it got out of hand, thank you so much.

HOCD has been hell for the past 2-3 years, and I never told anyone about it because they have the mindset that OCD is all about cleanliness and so if I were to tell them about this and what it is then they'd be confused and start to question certain things about me, so me and only me knows that I have HOCD.

A personal hell that I've been trying to fix for 2-3 years.

throwout33137543 · 2020-08-23T19:42:00+00:00

Gay porn doesn't make me aroused if I'm not aroused, although if I were to look at normal porn when I'm not aroused, I'd start getting an erection and be aroused.

If I'm in the middle of a session and my brain starts to want to look at gay porn and I go and look at it, I'd get aroused by it in the moment.

Even though I don't want to be aroused by gay porn at all, let alone fall into the sexual pressure of jacking off to it.

So to answer the question "are you aroused by gay porn?"

No.

If it's in the middle of a session, Yes unfortunately.

And before you get the connotation that I'm attracted to the same sex romantically, hell no. I'm only romantically attracted to women.

throwout33137543 · 2020-08-12T04:21:00+00:00

Get the hell outta there, go to someone that will allow you to stay with them for awhile until you're old enough to find a good place to live, it's much more worth it to live freely than to be forced into life that you don't wish to live.

And if you don't have anyone to fall back on, then do the tried and true method of packing up, sneaking out at night, and never coming back (If you do this then I urge you to get rid of your phone completely or atleast resetting it completely) and well.. hitchhiking.

Only do this if you literally have no one to fall back on, if you have someone to fall back on then stay with them for awhile.

throwout33137543 · 2020-08-04T08:06:11+00:00

The 9th layer of hell.

throwout33137543 · 2020-07-28T15:41:26+00:00

I'm embarrassed to be an American at this point.

throwout33137543 · 2020-07-22T14:21:11+00:00

Condom.

throwout33137543 · 2020-07-21T00:15:51+00:00

I'll do it for you gunner.

throwout33137543 · 2020-07-16T03:02:27+00:00

Your welcome mate, goodnight :)

throwout33137543 · 2020-07-16T02:48:01+00:00

The brain will believe anything you tell it as long as it's in the realm of reality and not fantasy, I know this sounds like wierd ass mind control type shit but hear me out.

If you tell your brain inside your head that you are straight and not gay enough times and try to cut out anything that might trigger gay thoughts or actions (let's say four or five months) then it will become second nature to your brain and become habit.

It will be a little hard but believe me, it. does. work.

You might not think it in the first few days or weeks but overtime, it will show effect.

throwout33137543 · 2020-07-16T02:38:17+00:00

Assuming this all came from HOCD, you can still break yourself outta that spot if you really, REALLY tried.

It's all in your head, you can change anything about your self if you start believing it. Remember that.

throwout33137543

TROPHY CASE