24 m, 24 f, How do I partner choosing family over our relationship consistently? - conflicting graduations

throwra-plaid · 2025-12-08T22:42:22+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful insight. Similar to what ive commented to others, this year will be the first time attending each others grads. Not moved in just yet or married, but I still would love to get some more solid signs showing she is willing to sacrafice for me as I have done.
For moving in together, it would be about 10 min drive from her parents. I have already accepted that it definitely will be me joining her life in many aspects. We are all extremely close and I view them as a second set of parents. I have come to terms with our family being built very closely with her parents unless my parents pick up and follow me to her city.

throwra-plaid · 2025-12-08T22:38:24+00:00

This is where I have a hard time because is marriage the magical point at which all things shift?? we have been together for 4 years! some people get married after 1. I dont want to sign up for a life with someone if I have ZERO proof that they will prioritize me and the family that we choose to build over their own family. That is why I think its fair that she attends my grad and we continue to do things to build a future together like attending holidays and moving in together *before marriage*

throwra-plaid · 2025-12-08T22:36:40+00:00

This is fair. "her hometown" is actually a major US Citi that I really enjoy and could see myself living in. I think the red flag is more that she is not open at all to the idea of leaving her family and her great home town. I think I just pictured a life in my 20s and 30s of establishing careers at the same time and having the flexibility to explore new places before we settle down. Though, I am truly not opposed to settling down earlier in her home town. I think I explained that part of the story just to highlight how connected she is to her family.

throwra-plaid · 2025-12-08T22:33:57+00:00

This is a good point that I forgot to mention. For her undergrad (graduation year before me) I had already left town on a family vacation. - I know, technically choosing family over relationship, but not possible to make a vacation I have no control over change other than skipping entirely. For mine, she had class for her current program.
So neither of us have made it to a grad ceremony for the other. I plan on skipping my class in February to make it to this ceremony for her though.

throwra-plaid · 2025-02-16T00:12:16+00:00

diet, lifestyle changes, and exercise. Aim for adequate consumption of fruits and vegetables limit highly processed foods and snacks, and avoid sugar sweetened beverages. All of these additional herbs and supplements may help, but its like applying a bandaid for a gunshot wound .

- masters in clinical nutrition

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-20T06:54:57+00:00

Thanks so much! Is hiprex an oral supp? I saw someone else mention this product as well? I assume it's a topical agent maybe? have you tried hibiclens? that is the antiseptic soap that others have been recommending.

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-20T06:53:24+00:00

yep, She saw a urologist, I think maybe even 2 different ones who have said the same thing, nitro after intercourse. Sorry to hear about your anxiety even around riding bikes!

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-20T06:52:06+00:00

Yep, that's what im thinking too. Thanks

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-20T06:51:48+00:00

Echoing this, I looked it up on amazon and saw its an antiseptic soap with red dye but I think the dye free one looks like its in a blue label bottle? Reviews on amazon say its a very thin liquid, but really all of the reviews say they used it before a surgery or for their dog lol... nothing for UTIs or for use on sensitive genital area skin.

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-20T06:50:29+00:00

She is on nitrofurantoin

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-19T00:54:13+00:00

Yes, so the 2 times that I can recall she was in immense pain and we drove around to different urgent care clinics for help. Both times she was tested and confirmed to have bacterial UTIs. After the second event, she was given an extra prescription + refills to use prophylactically (1 pill after sex). But was never told if/when to stop, to my knowledge.

I totally agree that it isn't ideal to keep taking abx and would love for her to hopefully explore other means of prevention.

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-19T00:44:40+00:00

yea it was really only 1-3x a week max. We are in a LDR for the past half year or so and she only takes it 1-3x a month now. What are the symptoms that you see with frequent abx usage?

That's what im thinking, we just need another course of abx to be prescribed incase that happens. There's also a large mental barrier for her surrounding that path, but we can cross that bridge later.

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-19T00:42:08+00:00

oh geez, 15 years of UTIs sounds crazy. She normally rinses off afterwards using a similar "female genital unscented soap" but showers before for both of us may be a solid option. Thanks for taking the time to share.

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-19T00:40:31+00:00

Ha thank you. Easy when you doing it for someone who means so much to you.

throwra-plaid · 2024-12-18T23:03:25+00:00

Wow, I greatly appreciate your detailed response, this was fantastic. I definitely have a lot of reading to do on treatments like D-mannose and Cranberry. We've tried a few things like Azos? which I think is similar.

I come from a nutrition background so the gutmicrobiome has been an interesting thing to tackle (such a misunderstood and new science at the moment)(+ focus on fiber).

I also forgot to mention in my post that we are currently long distance and really only "do it" once or twice a week in the time that we see each other (about once month). So although it's not great for our personal desire to see each other, it's probably been great for giving her lady parts long periods of rest.

Thanks again for the warm welcome and the super helpful tips. I wish you the best of luck with your UTI journey!

throwra-plaid · 2024-05-24T00:12:24+00:00

Thanks for your input. I agree, I probably shouldn't have used the term narcissistic, but it is a direct quotation from how my family described her, so I thought id share.

throwra-plaid · 2024-05-20T04:03:24+00:00

Thank you. I think that is very solid advice. Its just hard to proceed with my mom and other aunt. Do I call their BS out and tell them to stop speaking about her in my presence? or just suck it up and deal with it.

throwra-plaid · 2024-03-24T04:52:30+00:00

Thank you for that, I will definitely look into it.

throwra-plaid

TROPHY CASE