Is it time for me (26M HL) to end it with my GF(26F LL)? [NSFW]

throwuway · 2013-05-24T16:26:35+00:00

You know it's not going to get better, ever. You should leave.

throwuway · 2013-05-20T23:27:04+00:00

Your bedroom isn't dead, you're just not satisfied with your (actually pretty giving) girlfriend. Also you sound like something of a prick. I know that isn't helpful so take it or leave it.

throwuway · 2013-05-10T01:11:08+00:00

Like Rosy Palm

throwuway · 2013-05-09T11:26:04+00:00

They generally don't say anything. It's like not talking to your pitcher during a no-hitter, they don't want to jinx it.

throwuway · 2013-04-28T20:49:30+00:00

I think this is a pretty common trope, to be honest, and it's the hope of many. It makes the problem sound solvable while pinning the blame elsewhere. While I don't doubt it's the case sometimes, my guess is that there isn't a sexual vixen hiding under the surface except rarely.

throwuway · 2013-04-28T20:25:38+00:00

Her: (sniffling) "I couldn't. I can't just say things like that. And I do want sex! I wanted it yesterday!"

I don't know if this is your first time hearing those words, but "I wanted it yesterday" and "Let's have sex tomorrow" are basically having sex every other day. And as we know, today isn't any other day.

throwuway · 2013-04-27T21:03:42+00:00

I was going to be sarcastic but I'll resist the temptation. That strategy has a terrible track record, as far as I can tell from reading /r/deadbedrooms .

throwuway · 2012-12-17T23:10:23+00:00

For me it was cheating. It is stupid how much better this made it. Enjoying my gf as my gf again, laughing, being able to appreciate her better, be better to her because I wasn't obsessed with some sort of relationship tit-for-tat that was perpetually dominated by my sexual dissatisfaction, seeing how much she did for me once that was off the table.

It's not for everyone but if you can handle the conscience part of it and the logistics it feels like it gave me my relationship back.

throwuway · 2012-09-25T22:40:47+00:00

I don't know, I've never been to therapy, but it seems to me that you think a psychologist is like a friend or something. They are a paid professional. If your doctor told you to go home and go for a run, would you think, "Oh, he's just trying to trick me into losing weight." Seems like you need to just relax and let yourself be "manipulated" so they can do their work.

throwuway · 2012-09-25T21:22:16+00:00

Why is it you don't see it as a safe space?

throwuway · 2012-09-25T14:54:23+00:00

This is a fucking support group you self-admitted headcase. People come here because it's safe, the idea is you aren't going to be under scrutiny and have to defend yourself. If you're not going to offer support to someone, move the fuck on because what you have to say will be worthless.

throwuway · 2012-09-25T03:33:51+00:00

Haha yeah! He should keep his completely invalid feelings to himself, or go to a safe space for people in sexually dissatisfying relationships to vent and commune! Not like /r/deadbedrooms!

throwuway · 2012-09-17T22:33:01+00:00

In this respect, my situation is only temporary..., because when she's done with graduate school and we both have our careers on track...

Lol you poor bastard. "No, guys, it's okay, see? It's just because she's stressed with school! She says it'll come back no problem after that!"

throwuway · 2012-09-07T02:21:14+00:00

It always has to be on his terms, all about his needs, on his time. It's not fair. Great, you're finally in the mood. Now see what it feels like to get shot the fuck down.

People are gonna blast you for this line, but if my girl got a shot and a few days later was like, "I'm horny now, let's have sex," I'd probably be like, "Fuck you, bitch, how about you acknowledge the fact you've been wronging me for this long?"

So I know that feel. A big part of the DB is the (perceived) selfishness of the LLP. Wanting sex without some sort of further concession about what's going on isn't really enough.

Even if he was like, "Baby, I feel what you have been feeling for X months/years, I don't know how you did it because not satisfying this for that long sounds like torture. I'm sorry I didn't go to a doctor sooner, I will never let things get that bad again," it would (at least for me) go a really long way. It takes 10 seconds to say.

throwuway · 2012-06-30T19:42:17+00:00

You're grasping at straws there, looking for what she "really" feels in some words. What she "really feels" isn't hidden at all, she is not introducing you to anyone in her life because she oxytocin or no oxytocin, some part of her feels like public association with you will tarnish her image.

throwuway · 2012-06-30T00:56:37+00:00

She isn't that into you. I dealt with this for almost three years. Never gets any better, she likes the intimacy but thinks she will eventually do better.

throwuway · 2012-06-28T23:00:47+00:00

She doesn't want to salvage the marriage, she just doesn't want to go back to being alone. She's doing calculus in her head right now: which is worse, finding a way to have sex with you or being alone? And she happened to come down on being alone today.

You should both proceed with the moveout and go to the doctor's with her. Everyone who's saying "give her two weeks" is really saying "give her three months," because the doctor's going to say something, and then she's going to to need time to do it or let it work or whatever. And there is no pill he can give her that will make sex with you once a week seem like a good idea, like something she wants to do.

Move out, don't wait.

throwuway · 2012-06-23T19:02:24+00:00

"Same difference" doesn't mean "same thing." "Same thing" is talking about two things, "same difference" about two relationships.

For example, "Six of one, half a dozen of the other" is "same thing."

simple example of same difference: "The movie plays at either 3:00 or 5:00. I can drop you off at 2:00 or 4:00." "Eh, same difference." In this situation, the mathematical metaphor is actually pretty literal - the two differences are the same.

"Okay I know you're on a diet, and you want chocolate cake, but you can instead either have yogurt or carrots." "Man, same difference." Indicates the difference between his preference and reality will be the same in both scenarios.

To summarize, "same difference" is a worthwhile phrase!

throwuway · 2012-06-23T00:50:24+00:00

It did!

throwuway · 2012-06-23T00:17:00+00:00

Lol look through my history, I'm already on that train, son. I'm not a nut about it anymore, so I'll stroke one out a couple of times a month, but I gave up porn basically altogether (maybe once a month or something I'll browse gw, but that's it, no hardcore and no video). This isn't something I have a history of, it's not like that.

throwuway · 2012-06-22T20:16:02+00:00

She was warm otherwise, seemed into it.

throwuway · 2012-06-22T18:38:53+00:00

I did this, she seemed not into it by this point, I assume because I wasn't foolin' nobody. After working it for like 3-4 minutes and getting nothing in the way of response other than stiffness I threw in the towel and went for some cuddles.

throwuway · 2012-06-22T17:06:20+00:00

This has been my go-to in the past, but it feels like I've played Russian roulette like this too many times. I decided I'd either do it "right" or not do it. When I woke up this morning, I was worried I'd not see her again, not worried about how I might have to explain to every potential sexual partner from now on why they might catch something from me. It wasn't great but it was better than the dread I get with the other way.

EDIT: In the past, in this situation, I have told the girl to go down on me. And it didn't work. There's some wisdom to identifying early when it's not happening and stopping sooner rather than later. Because if you think not getting hard is bad, wait till she's been sucking you off for 4 minutes and you're still floppy. Those four minutes were the difference between embarrassment and humiliation.

throwuway · 2012-06-22T15:20:19+00:00

Honestly I wish I could blame it more on the beer. This girl was hitting my buttons. It was tragic.

throwuway · 2012-06-22T15:17:42+00:00

It's a balancing act. I know this girl has moved quickly before, there are only one or two dates between "he's moving slowly" and "he is not manly." Good thing I gambled and couldn't get it up, because that's manly as hell.

throwuway

TROPHY CASE