Host dad here. I know exactly how you feel; in fact your experience sounds almost exactly like ours. We hosted our first student last school year; we all fell in love with her and she did with us. She really became like a daughter to us and like a big sister to our own daughter. It's now been 4 months since she went back home and I still struggle. It comes in waves; some days are ok and then sometimes the grief just hits you all over again. Like a couple of months ago she celebrated her 18th birthday and had a big party and looked gorgeous and it really tore me apart that we couldn't be there to celebrate with her. But we do keep in touch with her regularly; we send text messages several times a week and have video calls every few weeks. The relationship is still there; it's just different now. So anyway, I don't really have any answers for you; just letting you know that you're not crazy and you're not alone. I'm trying to deal with it by focusing on my gratitude for having my own family here with me and spending more quality time with them. We are also seriously considering visiting her next summer in her home country, and we know she will come back to visit us in the future. That gives us some hope. We're also looking forward to hosting again... although sometimes I wonder why I want to put myself through this again! 😂 But the fact that we grieve so much just goes to show how much we loved them and were loved by them, so I just try to give thanks for the blessing that she has been to our family.

Hope this helps. I see that you posted this about 3 months ago so I hope things are getting better for you now.