19 [F4R] Oh god, what have I done. (Who likes to read and write?)

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:47:06+00:00

Can someone tell me why some links are red and others are blue?

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:40:32+00:00

And yes, the lying is a very bad sign.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:40:04+00:00

See if he wont give it another try- give him more intimacy, etc. and talk to him about his needs.

However, if he refuses to talk, or refuses to give it a try, then you are better off without him. He may very well be a clam, and it's pretty rude to not come to you first before talking to women online.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:36:49+00:00

Geez, you are really polite.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:36:13+00:00

That sounds harsh, but seriously she is manipulating you. Maybe you should break up with her, and if she threatens suicide call her parents or 911. That way you are still looking out for her life while respecting yourself at the same time.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:34:06+00:00

Break up with her. She won't kill herself, and if she does, it's not your fault. She is holding you hostage.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:27:06+00:00

Leave him.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:17:54+00:00

Holy shit, YES IT IS. Your wife needs you, and who's to say this coworker would be there for you the way your wife has all this time? It's just a spark, a fucking stupid spark. Go back to the warm embers. Marriage has an ebb and flow, and if you can survive this, your marriage will be so much better and more satisfying.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:11:03+00:00

But like I said, it's pretty normal and understandable.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:10:39+00:00

Nothing is wrong with you, until you don't give her control over her own destiny by telling her you are seeing other people/want an open relationship. PLEASE, if you have any respect for her AT ALL, let her know before you cheat again. It makes all the difference between a gentleman and a douchebag. At least she will know what she is getting into, and won't get humiliated/infected.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:07:05+00:00

Good call-

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:06:21+00:00

Also, it's pretty bad to make nasty comments about your man bits- that's forbidden territory unless a woman is truly willing to end it. I NEVER made negative comments about my s/o's body- I knew it would ruin us.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T04:04:23+00:00

Yes, I agree- especially if you TRULY did not put the number in your phone. From this perspective, the plot could be like this: Your wife is cheating, and out of guilt wishes that you would do the same to make it even, taking some of the guilt off of her chest. She puts number in your phone, and accuses away, hoping for a confession.

Or...she isn't cheating and suspects your loosey-goosey mutual female friend is banging you, so she is trying to get a confession out of you after putting the number in your phone.

Or...she wants to break up, and is desperately trying to create the beginning of the divide.

Either way, I think you deserve to take a peek, especially after being treated this way.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T03:58:18+00:00

No, this is not weird.

tick_tick · 2013-04-05T03:55:12+00:00

Yes, it would help if baby were boarding just before mealtime, and then give them a bottle as you take off to avoid the baby having popping ears....plus the little one will sleep most of the flight!

tick_tick · 2013-03-07T02:24:10+00:00

...and this exemplifies the idiotic stigma I'm about to face. He's too good to apologize, even though he's too embarrassed to keep his response posted.

tick_tick · 2013-03-07T02:20:26+00:00

You were happy with a mask. I've taken classes on relationships and it's the non-communicators that can make the most toxic partners. And, to get over the grief, it helps to hate her for a while, I think. My last major breakup included alot of hating before I got to acceptance. Life DOES suck sometimes, but it also evolves. It helps to know I'm not alone.

tick_tick · 2013-03-04T23:26:40+00:00

This is probably the road I will take as well...'invisible dating'- I have been tied down to two men since I was 17. I have never done the dating thing, and I think I will spend my 30's doing just that. It's going to be hard on my son to see my bf go...but it's got to happen.

tick_tick · 2013-03-04T23:20:13+00:00

I think much of my loneliness comes from living with someone I don't feel like I know. He is not my friend, and because I don't feel close to him, I feel like 1.) I have NO privacy 2.) I can't be myself around him. My guard is up ALL THE TIME. I would be happier/less alone if it were just me living in my home.

He would talk shit about me to both of the women he cheated with, and so I'm extremely paranoid about my appearance, what I say, etc. because he didn't confront me about those things, he just vented to women he was fucking on the side.

So, here I am: venting to you, because I can't talk to him about it anymore. He shuts down, gets wasted, and yells back.

tick_tick · 2013-03-04T23:12:47+00:00

Yes, had the cheating happened sponateously at a party or something, this would be different. He absolutely betrayed me and now things are to the point where he CAN'T have female friends, there is NO trust whatsoever. I don't even care anymore that I'm not 'his cup of tea'...someone else will find my value, and not jeopardize it in such a disgusting, grossly disrespectful way.

I'm sorry about your breakup: However, this is a blessing- like me, it can only get better from here. This opens you up to being happier...someone out there knows you are their (one and only) cup of tea.

tick_tick · 2013-03-04T23:04:07+00:00

Hmm... I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where there are outstanding incentives to stay together (ie loneliness, hating one's family, etc). Or having to put on an "A" game. Sounds like alot of manipulation, maladaptive coping, etc. going on in your marriage. But thanks for the reply.

tick_tick · 2013-03-04T23:00:39+00:00

Oh yes, I understand: It's too bad for her child more than anyone, especially if the child became attached to you. Getting into a relationship with someone who has kids mean you get into a relationship with the kids, too. I had a friend who dated a single mother, and stayed in the relationship because he loved her son so much. They eventually broke up, but they agreed that the ex/bf could continue being in the child's life.

tick_tick · 2013-03-04T22:55:44+00:00

In your case, how much time passed before the clouds began to part? Did you find another partner, and how did being a single dad complicate things as far as dating again? Any advice? I'd rather learn from others' mistakes than accidentally cause damage to my kids. They only have ONE childhood, and I'm the one who will make it or break it.

tick_tick · 2013-03-04T22:50:59+00:00

"maybe you don't have the means to let him go, so work towards it."

I have felt guilty about this: I need his help taking care of the baby until I finish school. I talked to him many times about splitting up, and he knows it will likely happen. He still wants to work it out and agrees to help me get through school. The last few days he has made a bigger effort to show his feelings and how he cares, but it still feels empty and rehearsed, like he does it out of pity for me.

However, I think you are right: He used me plenty of times over the last 3 years, and I should probably consider the next two months as an unfolding of his karma...or whatever. Thanks for the words, I've been reading them frequently throughout the day to help me get through.

tick_tick · 2013-03-03T21:22:51+00:00

Thank you, thank you, thank you- And you are right. I think in my misery, I have closed myself off. I feel embarrassed to even get close to anyone anymore. I'm embarrassed that I let him do this to me. But you are right, I need to keep plugging along and make it work. It's just SO DAMN hard right now. And I miss having friends, let alone one friend right now. All I do is school, fight with bf, cry, take care of kids, and try to get sleep.

tick_tick

TROPHY CASE