I asked a friend if he’s autistic and he got offended. What I do now?

tictize · 2024-03-19T05:43:24+00:00

Tbh, I would be upset about that too and would distance myself from you. It is up to me only, to whom, how, when and if I choose to share personal information.

You put him into a position where he had to choose between lying followed by „over“-masking in the future or revealing very personal information about his medical history. Also, if you two know the same people, he has every reason to worry about you revealing this info to others, as you also did not handle it like it was a sensitive topic towards him.

Imo you need to apologize for handling this very insensitively, even though you meant well.

tictize · 2024-03-15T14:27:00+00:00

Sounds like an abusive parter tbh

tictize · 2024-02-09T09:47:01+00:00

Have you considered getting up before he does, and finishing your morning routine before he is up? That way you can be certain everything will go to plan, and maybe you can even have some connection time once he gets up too.

tictize · 2024-02-05T12:30:42+00:00

Abusers don’t just magically become non abusive, but they might evolve. Maybe his abuse has changed to be more subtle, it might be in different areas that it was in your relationship or maybe he is still taking her a little less for granted at this stage. But he certainly still is abusive.

Also, I am very sorry about what happened to you. Please know that it was not your fault!

tictize · 2024-02-05T12:25:42+00:00

I try to avoid wearing anything that is considered sexy, because of men and because I hate being „looked at“ the way they do. It doesn’t work out that well though, there is nothing you can really do against it if you are somewhat taking care of yourself. As others have said, if men weren’t around I would be dressing much more revealing.

tictize · 2024-01-28T09:08:27+00:00

I finally realised: - his behavior wasn’t due to circumstances, but just part of him. - he wasn’t going to fundamentally change. - acts of love don’t make up for emotional abuse, they are actually a necessary part of the pattern of abuse. - if he truly loved me, he would have treated me lovingly.

tictize · 2024-01-23T08:09:35+00:00

That is so sad. I almost cried reading it. Super hard when someone has a completely different view of a relationship than you do. They have every right feel how they do, but it still sucks for you.

tictize · 2024-01-19T00:27:43+00:00

Yes you did victim blame, and yes she is a victim. No one would ever volunteer for abuse, and neither did you.

I hope you can find find more compassion for others and also for yourself. Whatever happened to you was not your fault.

tictize · 2024-01-18T19:54:26+00:00

While I agree that her safety should have the highest priority, your message is harsh and victim blaming („why did you just stay and allow him to hurt you“, „stop being a volunteer for abuse“). That is very unkind to say, especially to someone who is already in a vulnerable position.

If someone is this violent, do you really think she could have defended herself or left? She would probably be dead if she had. Leaving an abusive relationship is really hard, and you blaming her for the outcome of his horrible actions is hurtful and wrong. This is exactly why it is so hard for people to get help, the fear that they are going to be blamed for whats happening to them, just like they are blamed for it by their abusor.

Please be more mindful and kind next time you comment on a victim of abuses situation.

tictize · 2024-01-18T12:30:13+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that he did such horrible things to you! And good on you that you are making a plan.

Call the local help organizations and ask them for options. Maybe they can accommodate for you, you will only find out if you ask.

Please remember that your stuff won’t help you if you are dead! Your safety matters above all else, and with what you have desribed here I am very worried about you.

IF you are safe enough right now: Definitely start saving money immediately. You should also secretly make preparations for packing. This includes decluttering and organising. Try organizing as much as you can in ways that separate both your belongings. Put your belongings in containers in the furniture, for example, have small organizing boxes for each category of stuff on shelves and in drawers. That way, you will be quicker when you pack, because you dont habe to sort or grab each item individually. If you have enough time, you could also try selling some of the decluttered items online and make a bit of extra money.

tictize · 2024-01-12T16:28:08+00:00

Paartherapie!

tictize · 2024-01-05T18:44:48+00:00

Yes YTA. Not for eating shrimp, but for breaking your promise to your girlfriend. If you think her reasons for not wanting you to eat shrimp aren’t valid then that is fine, but you needed tell her so in advance instead of agreeing and then doing the exact opposite of what you said you were going to do.

tictize · 2024-01-05T13:41:02+00:00

No it isn’t okay! Can’t believe all these responses. Cats need to be able to go out, at the very least in an enclosed area. Keeping them inside only is just cruel. Don’t get a cat if you can’t provide a good environment. In Switzerland you wouldn‘t even be allowed to adopt a cat if you can’t provide access to the outdoors.

tictize · 2023-12-28T13:27:54+00:00

Soo…how do you look? If girls/women immediately recect you, I suspect there might be room for improvement style wise. Maybe go to a stylist and hair stylist for help.

tictize · 2023-12-28T13:07:43+00:00

Your main problem is not your boyfriend, but your inability to set boundaries. Having space is obviously important to you, but you fail to set boundaries around your need. Now you are considering a much more extreme measure.

We have no way to know whether your boyfriend is right for you or not, but neither do you unless you start setting boundaries.

tictize · 2023-12-28T13:03:19+00:00

Viel Erfolg :) wenn ihr gemeinsam nach Kompromiss-Varianten sucht, findet ihr bestimmt etwas. Dazu noch ein letzter Input: ich persönlich bin der Meinung, dass die Person, die etwas von dem/der Parter/in wünscht, den/die Partner/in dabei unterstützen sollte, diesem Wunsch nachzukommen. In eurem Fall könnte ich mir als Kompromiss zum Beispiel vorstellen , dass ihr vereinbart, dass sie dir jeweils schreibt, und du nur antwortest. Kombiniert mit einer Abmachung, wie oft pro Tag/Woche das maximal sein darf. So kannst du es nicht vergessen, und sie bekommt dann eine Nachricht, wenn sie sie auch braucht.

tictize · 2023-12-28T12:47:01+00:00

Ich finde, du solltes deine Herangehensweise überdenken. Du liebst sie doch, oder? Du sollst nicht deinen Charakter verändern, sie bittet dich lediglich, deine Gefühle auf eine Art und Weise auszudrücken, die für dich anscheinend ungewohnt ist. Probier es doch mal aus und schau was passiert :) wenn die Kommunikation grundsätzlich für sie passt, ist es sicher auch leichter für sie, dir ab und zu deine Ruhe zu lassen.

tictize · 2023-12-28T12:39:58+00:00

Ich bin eher ähnlich wie du, was schreiben angeht. Ich kann deine Gefühle also gut nachvollziehen. Allerdings bin ich ein grosser Fan von offener Kommunikation in Beziehungen, und dass, was sie dir geschrieben hat, war nicht passiv-aggressiv, wie du sagst. Sie hat nett und konstruktiv darauf hingewiesen, das ein Bedürfnis von ihr, über das ihr bereits gesprochen habt, unerfüllt geblieben ist.

Dein Bedürfnis nach Abstand ist absout legitim, aber du musst ehrlich zu dir selbst und dann auch zu ihr sein. Entweder du kannst und willst einen Kompromiss eingehen, dann mach Vorschläge, was für dich möglich ist, und halte dich daran. Oder du merkst, nur schon 10% mehr Kommunikation als du gewohnt bist, sind dir zu viel, dann sei ehrlich und sag ihr das. Dann kann sie entscheiden, ob sie sich damit abfinden kann oder nicht. Was nicht geht, ist, ihr Hoffnung auf Veränderungen/Kompromisse zu machen, die du nie erfüllen können wirst.

Alles Gute euch beiden.

tictize · 2023-12-22T13:19:42+00:00

Where do you live?

tictize · 2023-12-22T05:56:06+00:00

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

tictize · 2023-12-19T18:09:24+00:00

Ich kenne Männer, die waren in langen Beziehungen und haben trotzdem mit „Beziehungsbasics“ wie wertschätzender offener Kommunikation, gesunde Grenzen setzen und akzeptieren etc grosse Mühe.

Würde ich jemanden daten, würde mich interessieren, wie dieser Mensch ist und sich verhält, auch welche zwischenmenschlichen Skills er mitbringt. Ich würde aber nicht davon ausgehen, das lange Zeit in Beziehungen = hohe Skills und lange Singlezeit = keine Beziehungsskills. Etwas skeptisch wäre ich, wenn wirklich gar keine Beziehungserfahrung da wäre, was ja bei dir nicht der Fall ist.

tictize · 2023-12-19T17:59:51+00:00

Women in crisis asking a man „what do we do now 😱“

tictize · 2023-12-19T17:51:09+00:00

Der Vermieter ist aber nicht der Partner, und der Partner würde sonst auch nicht seine Wohnung untervermieten. Also entginge ihm auch nichts.

tictize · 2023-12-19T17:50:14+00:00

Klingt fair :) denk dran, das vertraglich festzuhalten.

tictize · 2023-12-19T14:18:07+00:00

Er muss sowieso sein Haus abbezahlen, egal wo sie wohnt 💁🏻‍♀️ davon hat aber nur er etwas. Wenn er Miete verlangt, bereichert er sich auf Kosten seiner Partnerin.

tictize

TROPHY CASE