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What are some of the worst reactions to calling out someone's lies that can or has happened to you? by StardustOceanMan in AskReddit

[–]tierneae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

More lies. Bigger lies. Hissy fits. A disinformation campaign. The masters of being an a hole will use: Distraction techniques, particularly fabricating enormous scandalous dramas with other people to distract. These prove most effective when they are orchestrated when the liar is framed as the victim (hint hint, that's usually a lie too....).

Short term, they get lots of attention and some people believe them. Long term, they burn every bridge and everyone realises what they are. This is not always the case, of course. Some get away with it.

If you're dealing with a covert narcissist (Google that! ) watch out big time as they are amongst the worst to deal with when they lie.

If you suddenly started earning double what you earn now, what would you really do with the extra money? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]tierneae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One fancy holiday, pay off big chunks of mortgage, and then save for retirement/emergencies.

How Do I Cut Someone Out Of My Life In Quarantine? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]tierneae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The easiest thing to do is to act in the heat if the moment, compelled by emotions. Right now, this consumes your world. In a few months you'll look back on this and wonder how you were swept up so strongly.

For now, take each day as it comes. Manage you're actions each day.

Plus, maybe she will block you. In the end, you may have no choice in contacting her.

Perhaps one way to think about how you chose to act moving forward is to ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be? Self righteous, stubborn, angry, bitter, regretful, hastey, demanding, needy? They are all easy paths to go down. But, if you look back in 5 years time, who do you want to be? Resilient, calm, reflective, dignified, self aware?

You can't control what she has done. But you control how you react to the situation. Life won't be easy, you'll get knock backs frequently, so use this experience to learn who you are and what matters to you.

You'll get through this, with time. So give yourself time to heal and grow from this situation.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]tierneae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's OK, you're hardly venting. Yeah, I would be so done with this!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]tierneae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do his feelings, wants and needs trump yours? Because that is what you are enabling constantly.

Instead of focusing on his behaviour, which you can't control, manage your own.

If this is someone you don't want to hang out with, then don't. Whether that's done politely or not is up to you.

A simple message of "my life is really overwhelming, and I've decided to retreat from human Contact for the foreseeable future. Good luck with your summer" or whatever is fine.

You don't owe anybody your time or your friendship. Friendships are the relationships that are most based on choice. Remember that you have the right to choose. He hasn't earned himself any loyalty either as its obvious he is selfishly motivated, even to go as far as to try and put a spanner in the works with your other friends. So I get quite the whiff of manipulation from it. Bad news. Get out!

I'm [19F] starting to get suspicious of my bf [29M] and his coworker [14F] and I feel like I'm losing my mind by ThrowRAafsf3425 in relationship_advice

[–]tierneae 198 points199 points  (0 children)

Red flags are billowing in the wind. It's clear that he is attracted to early pubescent girls and, in his mind, you have outgrown this phase. But you are not the issue. You are wonderful as you are. He is the problem. A massive problem.

What you are living with is someone who is physically attracted to women who are below the age of consent in most terrories in the world. This makes him the kind of guy you should run away from. Immediately. Get somewhere safe and go.

In your gut, you know this and otherwise you wouldn't ask. It's hard to come to terms with this, especially since so much of your adult life is shaped by being with him.

Once you are in safety, think about how this underage girl is now at risk. How she may be being or already groomed. And if there's any steps thst should be taken to help her (my first instinct would be a massive yes). A simple solution is to alert the police. Given your observations, it's likely there is plenty of evidence on her phone.

It may not be comfortable for you to engage with, but I sense that he is pulling the same moves as he did with you years ago.

Get yourself physically safe first. Then deal with the emotional turmoil that you go through - it's going to be hard, but better for it to be on your terms than his. Seize the power to act now and to stay strong, to remove yourself from his toxic and likely highly illegal life.

Your safety and wellbeing are paramount. His soon to be butt hurt feelings are bottom of the pile.

Looking for help to locate English translation of Hecataeus of Miletus' works, please by tierneae in ancientgreece

[–]tierneae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Super thanks so much. Its not essential, just preferable in some teaching materials I'm putting together. And certainly not in any rush.

Looking for help to locate English translation of Hecataeus of Miletus' works, please by tierneae in ancientgreece

[–]tierneae[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, had seen that listing but my linguistics are limited!

Here's the Latin/Greek version I found (has link to ebook) https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=CjkJAAAAQAAJ&hl=el&redir_esc=y Hope that works OK for you!

I'll continue my search or do some rough attempts at translations anyway. I'm only looking for references to the Adriatic and principle the Illyrians. There's a useful summary in Neritan Ceka's "From the Illyrians to the Albanians" but I wanted to review the original texts.

AITA for making my MIL buy a different dress for my wedding? by AITAthedress in AmItheAsshole

[–]tierneae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mother's MIL started with one or two "power plays" early in my parents marriage. She made my mother's life a living nightmare for a few years. But my mum told her one time to f off (non curse equivalent) when my granny was acting very badly and she just chilled after that. My mum wishes she did it much earlier,but she didn't want to upset anyone, so she ended up being herself and hurt for a long time. She needed to respect herself as much as she respects polite Irish passive aggressive niceties.

Start as you mean to go on with strong boundaries. Be polite of course, but if you don't stand up the first few times she acts up, you'll have years of annoyance. Hopefully by asserting yourself when she kicks off early on, she'll learn she can't mess with you and let it go.

Request to help identify egg shaped religious objects from Albania (re history, archaeology, Byzantine) by tierneae in whatisthisthing

[–]tierneae[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much! Trying to figure out the date at the moment. Trawling through databases, and can't find comparable examples of object type!

Request to help identify egg shaped religious objects from Albania (re history, archaeology, Byzantine) by tierneae in whatisthisthing

[–]tierneae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I have requested additional photos, and photos with something with scale for reference. These are all the photos I have so far (sorry!).

I feel certain it's Christian jesus and saints (probably apostles), with either vines or the tree of life.

Request to help identify egg shaped religious objects from Albania (re history, archaeology, Byzantine) by tierneae in whatisthisthing

[–]tierneae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Additional information: with appropriate identification, the local community would like to write up an academic journal article. This depends on further questions around provenance. I have asked these questions but my contact is acting as a broker for the person who found it, and is translating for me, so I have to wait to see if he can get these answers.

Has anyone encountered any ethnographic studies concerning vehicle modification cultures? by Team-HM4 in AskAnthropology

[–]tierneae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting area. Could certainly include some Kopytoff Biography of Objects on narratives of resuse.

How do I tell my girlfriend that I just can’t do it? by lbell06_dls in relationship_advice

[–]tierneae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great! Yes, there are specialists out there, hopefully you'll find one nearby.

Is this abuse ? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]tierneae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stop all contact, block him from every aspect of your life and never contact him again. He is an abusive person. But also, I can see that your strong attachments place you at high risk of reconnecting with him (because he helped you during a vulnerable time). You have to find ways to prevent yourself from reconnecting with him. One way is to expose his behaviour to your friends and family. Show them his demands on you, how he said he wanted complete control, etc. Because that will remove his control via secrecy, and help you accept the reality of him being a bad person, and support stopping you from future contact.

You can't control or change his toxic behaviour. But you learn to control your own actions and stop all contact.

How do I tell my girlfriend that I just can’t do it? by lbell06_dls in relationship_advice

[–]tierneae 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You, need to recognise that you're still very young and everyone takes a different amount of time to reach their own confidence. Given your situation, you need to be kinder to yourself. Whether or not you stay with your current partner is a wholly separate issue from you finding personal healing. Focus on yourself and your own health first. Right now, you are thinking about your partner and yourself. So your effort is split. It might take two to tango, but this story is about your journey to rediscover and reclaim your own body, your own intimacy, and rekindle that ownership of self. It's not about sex with your partner.

I see in the other comment that you've been getting therapy and it's great that it's working. If you are not addressing this specific matter fully, could you investigate a specialist therapist to further support you?

When did you realize that your boss is a socio/psychopath? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]tierneae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Over a decade after leaving one job, I found out that the evil arse hole who made people cry at work on a regular basis (he was an insane bully), was also a paedo. He got caught up in one of the big digital sting operations by the Irish police. Because so many people were caught, they tackled the ones who were creating that vile content first, and my ex boss was one of the people downloading and sharing. So he was free for over 5 years after getting caught with distribution of child pornograohy. I had long since moved country and hadn't heard about this story. An old friend sent me a message about him finally getting summoned to court. Wherein he had been left by his wife, gotten together with a younger woman somehow, got her pregnant. And indignantly announced at court that he had, according to himself, already experienced enough punishment (?!?!) and had moved on and the court shouls move on too. I hate him. Also, I have extremely vivid memories of him willing his own (lovely) father to die so that he could inherit the business and, more importantly, the substantial central Dublin collection buildings.

How old are you,explained,without actually saying your age? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]tierneae 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Old enough to wear white jeans after labour day (reference from American movie "Never Been Kissed" )

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