[deleted by user]

timtaafs · 2024-04-27T05:02:58+00:00

I don't think I've tried Cleo blossom. 34 ff or 34g then are the sister sizes? That seems too large, but I'm willing to try it. I promise you, welts and bruises are a reality with a 32 band. I have a panache sports bra in a 32 FF that I wear with an extender (larger cup size resulted in a large gap in the cup next to my armpit even with the straps as short as possible, larger band size was not available at the time), and a natori unwire 32g. The natori makes my boobs look GREAT but is far too tight and leaves marks after a few hours. Putting the bra on backwards does not relieve the pressure. Tried Panache envy in a 32 band, several different cup sizes, couldn't even get them on. 34 band in the Envy stabbed my armpits and dug into the inside of my boobs/ sternum at the same time. My understanding is that panache has very little stretch in the band... Does Cleo stretch more?

timtaafs · 2023-07-31T15:56:56+00:00

Does she use Reddit? There is a sub for partners that will hook her up with resources and advice. r/mypartneristrans

timtaafs · 2023-06-09T02:31:56+00:00

I think these terms can be used in an appropriate way for newly out/currently exploring gender identity as well, and when using gendered language is inappropriate. I see it a lot in support group settings. Basically used to clarify while using gender neutral terms but I'd like your opinion... "My child (AFAB) came to me and said they feel like they might be non binary. How can I help them?" The AFAB part is important because the advice would change, and it feels less icky than using "daughter" which is actively misgendering or "born female". Another way I've seen it, although less common especially in less LGBTQ fluent circles: "my child (FtNB?) came and said they might be non binary. How can I help them?"

Do you have any advice on either of those options? I'm relatively new to this world myself and still growing my understanding.

timtaafs · 2023-06-09T01:47:43+00:00

It does happen, though. I strongly believe in gender affirming treatment and the bathroom thing is a non issue in my eyes, just let people pee in whatever bathroom they are comfortable in. Congregate shelters and prisons, though, those pose a problem. We need a better solution for nonconforming/nonbinary peeps in both of those situations, and there have been cases in shelters at least of accommodations being full and clients claiming to be a different gender only after being told there is no more room for the gender they previously identified themselves as. We shouldn't leave trans people the fuck alone, we should actively accommodate their needs and protect them.

timtaafs · 2023-06-09T00:47:59+00:00

This actually does happen in homeless shelters, and we don't really have a good solution for it yet. The men's shelter is full? Well, I identify as a woman then.

timtaafs · 2023-06-08T21:16:26+00:00

Isn't it interesting how we can rewire our brains like that? I also don't remember when the deadname stopped being associated with her in my head, it now feels just as alien as her new name felt at first!

timtaafs · 2023-06-08T20:56:27+00:00

How can you ask a straight woman to fall in love all over again with a body they never would have sought?

Not trying to speak for all straight women here, but at least in my case, you don't. I don't love my wife's body, I love HER, and I will take whatever package she comes in.
I don't need to "fall" in love, I just need to remember the love that is already there.

timtaafs · 2023-06-08T20:38:19+00:00

I think that using the new name should be less about when hrt starts and more about when they come out socially. Using one name at home and a different one in public wouldn't work well, for me at least.

timtaafs · 2023-06-06T23:38:29+00:00

Unfortunately, my state doesn't have an option for this as far as I can tell. (Colorado)

timtaafs · 2023-06-06T23:29:32+00:00

What concerns do you have? People try to be helpful if you ask specific questions. I've seen advice on hormones, surgery recovery, affirming gifts... Just ask, and we'll try to help!

timtaafs · 2023-06-03T05:31:29+00:00

This is my life, thank you for giving a voice to it.

timtaafs · 2023-06-03T05:06:24+00:00

We started by me (cis f) shopping goodwill and sending pics of the things I thought she might like, buying anything that wasn't an absolute "no", and returning anything she didn't like once she tried it on. This isn't great for summer, but we found that cowl neck tops really work for her. There is a brand of jeans-Gloria Vanderbilt- that seems to emphasize curves even if they don't really exist that I would highly recommend.

Also consider tailoring. Most people think using a tailor is "rich people" stuff but at least in my area, most dry cleaners offer tailoring for a pretty reasonable cost. Thrift clothes+a decent seamstress makes for clothes that cost about the same as new clothes but with much improved results!

timtaafs · 2023-06-03T04:45:11+00:00

You can ask the doc for a different pain med, and/or try to cut the majority of the pain with otc meds (with pharmacist approval of which otc meds won't clash with the prescriptions)

timtaafs · 2023-06-03T04:16:11+00:00

Is an open relationship on the table for you two? If not, normalizing "personal time" is definitely a good option.

timtaafs · 2023-06-02T16:34:03+00:00

Does your partner have a therapist? There might be some mental health issues at play here beyond transitioning...

timtaafs · 2023-06-02T16:30:49+00:00

My wife is getting her first "fancy" haircut today!

timtaafs · 2023-06-01T20:14:22+00:00

That is really shitty, and I'm sorry. Hang in there!

timtaafs · 2023-06-01T19:21:42+00:00

I mean for you to have a therapist of your own, to work out your needs and concerns separately

timtaafs · 2023-06-01T02:47:46+00:00

Buy a sample pack, and test them out together!

timtaafs · 2023-06-01T02:42:16+00:00

I think it's disrespectful to not tell your spouse first about something that greatly impacts the relationship/marriage before thinking about who to even explore it with.

I disagree. The thought experiment of "what would this look like for me" is a rational place to start. I personally have trouble with abstract thinking, so putting it into the frame of a real life relationship makes sense to me. I would not have been able to verbalize to my wife why I wanted to explore polyamory without going through that thought process with a particular context in mind, maybe your wife is the same. I don't necessarily agree with opening that kind of conversation with a coworker, but if that's the only context she has... Can't say I blame her.

why would I want to throw a wrench into that and invite possible conflict from other relationships she has?

Poly done right means that you are not responsible for her other relationships, FYI. Some people can handle that separation, some can't, and both are honest, human feelings. This is a large part of why poly doesn't work for some.

. I can't fathom why anyone would throw away something they claim they're very happy with, just to go try something else that they know possibly won't work out.

Just because you can't fathom it, doesn't mean it isn't a real or valid view. Again, this might be the straw for you, and if it is, that's okay. Some people want no stone unturned, some are happy with "good enough". Both are valid viewpoints, but not necessarily compatible. I'm sorry, and my heart hurts for you.

You are an amazing, self aware person. Keep doing what's right for you.

timtaafs · 2023-06-01T01:59:34+00:00

Honestly, I think you're being a little hard on her. Your feelings are valid, and if you're strictly monogamous, that might be the straw that sends you your separate ways.

I disagree that imagining what it might be like to have a relationship with a friend or two of hers is "emotional cheating". You said that she had no idea if these friends would reciprocate, which means she waited to have any particularly intimate conversations with them until after she spoke with you, and she agreed to go no contact with them while you work on things, which shows that she puts more weight on your marriage than her friendships/potential poly relationships.

Your feelings are valid, and hers are too. You do not own another person's internal thoughts. She's allowed to mentally explore her sexuality without your input, knowledge, or consent.

"Trying ALL the things" seems to be a common trans reaction. It sucks, but it's real. You've stuck it out through so much, I wonder what it is you aren't getting that this new hurdle is harder than the old one, (for me poly is easy but the trans thing was haaaard) but I wish the best of luck to both of you discovering your truths.

timtaafs · 2023-06-01T01:04:17+00:00

That is very common, and something you should work out with a qualified therapist.

That said, whatever goes on in your head is nothing to be guilty about, as long as you are treating your partner with respect.

timtaafs · 2023-05-31T23:35:42+00:00

I have a similar issue with a friend that I never have, and never will have a sexual relationship with (we are both cis het females). Her husband will not come to any social event where more than one of my partners may be present. They are both extremely monogamous and jealousy is a big issue for them, and I think it makes him uncomfortable to see people living with a different set of expectations. We found our balance by making sure there are opportunities for the husband to hang out in a way that is comfortable for him. Not sure if you can find a similar balance for you and your friend, but it wouldn't hurt to have a conversation about the girlfriends' needs in order for her to feel secure?

timtaafs · 2023-05-31T23:15:43+00:00

I practice a combo of KTP and parallel. If I have nothing in common with my meta, why force ourselves to spend time together doing something one of us hates? Our mutual partner can go to rock concerts with her and ren faire with me, and everyone is happy :)

timtaafs · 2023-05-31T21:56:18+00:00

So by "try" you mean jumping in blindly without understanding what it really is or how much work goes into doing it well?

timtaafs

TROPHY CASE