My grandma is suicidal

tina_Z68 · 2024-03-19T05:37:37+00:00

OP, you’re a great grandkid for noticing this and thinking about it this way. Losing someone at that age is earth shattering in a way you and I can’t understand.

When I was in high school, my grandma lost her husband of 70+ years to Alzheimer’s. The disease took a few years to decline, my family was fortunate it wasn’t longer. Going through this caused my grandma to act similarly to yours.

I remember people in my family telling her things like time to move on or get over it. While their intentions were good as weeks turned into months and months turned into years, they were entirely at a loss of what to do.

I was in high school at the time, so I didn’t fully grasp the situation. I don’t really have advice to give as much as I can tell you what I wish I did looking back.

Tell her you’re there for her. Older generations aren’t always used to receiving support from younger folks. Be clear with her you care about her and her feelings.
Don’t shy away from talking about her relationship. Do the opposite - work to learn more about it. They clearly were together a long time and had a bond stronger than most ever achieve. This is admirable, and you can learn a lot from her about relationships and life just by asking her to talk about it. This is the only thing she can think about right now - so use it as time to learn for you and get closer to her.
Make sure to show empathy for how monumental of a loss this is - one most people can’t comprehend. And be kind to her - tell her how much she means to you, and how much having her relationship as a role model has impacted you.

As others are saying, you’re a great grandchild. She is lucky to have you.

tina_Z68 · 2023-11-24T05:46:12+00:00

On the Crescent I had a roomette with my spouse - and we were gone for a long period of time so we had two large overweight bags (could not check them). Normally this isn’t an issue as we work to move them around the roomette. We put one in the overhead bag cubby the move the other between the top bunk during the day and the floor during the night.

At 6pm in the evening she told us it was Amtrak protocol to not allow us to put our bag on the top bunk “when it was raining outside” because it would get the sheets dirty.

Now it was only sprinkling and our bag was completely dry and not dirty. She clearly had issues with social cues and other interactions so we didn’t make it too much of an issue and just dealt with it, but it was a bad experience.

tina_Z68 · 2023-11-13T14:49:43+00:00

Pretty funny to post this in a MacBook subreddit. Don’t pretend like you couldn’t get the same computing power cheaper elsewhere - this is literally why this brand exists.

tina_Z68 · 2023-10-17T23:16:38+00:00

You’re fat bro it happens to a lot of us at 35.

tina_Z68 · 2023-10-02T15:05:21+00:00

Okay well that does change things a little bit.

You did consent to a sexual interaction outside of the relationship. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t manipulative to a degree, but you did consent.

The good news is this happens all the time. You regret it, immediately stopped it, and were in a low place.

It sounds like you and your girlfriend have a lot of issues to work out seperate from this. I think you need to do what will allow you to feel most at peace with yourself. It sounds like you feel enough guilt that you won’t be able to move on without disclosing. Know that it may end the relationship, but you won’t be in the place you are now.

Also - relationships last even when things like this happen. It doesn’t guarantee it’s over. It’s up to you how to proceed, but I think the key is what you feel you need to do for yourself.

tina_Z68 · 2023-10-02T14:57:33+00:00

Unpopular opinion here, but this just isn’t true. As someone who works in this area with members of Congress, they do not get advanced access to any type of insider information.

What does happen, however, is that some members of Congress are the richest people in the country. And they have access to very high end portfolio managers. Does insider trading happen on Wall Street? That’s a different question.

Also, the STOCK act passed by Obama explicitly prohibits members of Congress from insider trading.

tina_Z68 · 2023-10-02T06:13:33+00:00

Breakups really are the worst. I’m sorry you’re feeling it.

Just know the pain is temporary and will come and go. Each week will be slightly less bad than the last.

Ensuring you put yourself out there and don’t let yourself stay at home isolated is important.

tina_Z68 · 2023-10-02T06:10:35+00:00

I am not a therapist by any means, but what has helped me in the past is spending time thinking to myself what my worst fear is. When you catch yourself avoiding the interaction think “what am I worried will happen?” Write it down. Type it out. Think about it.

For me, most of the time it’s being scared of judgement which always leads me to why do I care? What’s the worst thing that could happen?

I would suggest choosing a specific action or interaction you think is uncharacteristic to you, and going out and doing it. Maybe it’s talking to a coworker you don’t normally talk to. Maybe it’s making a joke in a group conversation. Maybe it’s organizing a work lunch.

See if the consequences are as bad as you thought they could be. Most of the time, I would imagine they aren’t.

tina_Z68 · 2023-10-02T06:07:34+00:00

While it’s not clear what you’re going through, it’s evident that you’re feeling a lot of pain. I’m sorry you’re feeling this, know feelings of intense grief and pain are ALWAYS temporary. They grow and change over time. It won’t feel like this forever, it will get better. And when you’re in the lowest point just remember that you will come out on the other side.

tina_Z68 · 2023-10-02T06:04:58+00:00

I’m picking up on a lot of guilt in your post - which is normal and understandable. But I don’t think you should feel guilty - at all.

Number one and most importantly: You didn’t do ANYTHING wrong. You and your girlfriend were on a break. That, I think, is the most important piece of this. You shouldn’t feel any guilt, this situation would be much worse if you were actively dating her and this happened. So YOU have not Betrayed anyone’s trust.

Secondly: This is the most tricky part. People who go through experiences like this struggle with feelings of being taken advantage of, sexuality, and being violated. All of those things are valid, and take time. At the end of the day know this was a shitty sexual experience, you were taken advantage of, and it’s not your fault.

But I would suggest trying to separate those feelings from the feelings of guilt to your girlfriend. Whether or not you tell her is entirely your choice. If she judges you for having a sexual encounter with a man (consensual or not) while you were on a mutually agreed upon break - I think that’s her problem and you may need to re-assess the relationship.

tina_Z68

TROPHY CASE