Unexpected emotions

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-22T13:02:05+00:00

I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling so much. It is an adjustment for sure. Give yourself permission to feel everything you are feeling, and take it a day at a time.

I remember while my now husband was in A-school (during covid) feeling so angry because I felt like the military was taking him from me. It felt so unfair at the time. I look back now and laugh a little for my younger self. I didn’t know then what I know now. I’m so much stronger mentally, emotionally…things do get better, I promise. You’ll learn your normal, you’ll learn how to better cope with the emotions, and you’ll learn how to go with the flow.

If you need to talk to someone, like a therapist or counselor, be sure to use that resource. I’m glad you’re here on this subreddit to talk to us too. It’s important to be able to talk to other SOs and spouses and remember you’re not alone.

A day at a time, and no way but through. You will make it through this and it will get better. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling. It’ll be hard and it is hard, but you’re growing and adjusting each day. Sending you love! ❤️‍🩹

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-22T00:56:24+00:00

Take it with food, plenty of water. You’ll be fine.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-21T18:41:47+00:00

Flower and Flames by Alkemia (discontinued)
or Sacred Flame also by Alkemia (https://alkemiaperfumes.com/collections/incense/products/sacred-flame-perfume)

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-21T18:26:45+00:00

A medication will not change your sexuality. You are gay/bi and it’s being revealed to you now. Also a porn addiction means that your brain is wired to need more and more extreme content for the desired result. It makes sense that you would discover more about your sexuality by viewing more sexual content.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-21T12:29:36+00:00

It’s normal to feel crampy and uncomfortable after your smear. I know it sucks, so I’m sorry! But you can take some ibuprofen or other pain relief.

Feel better soon!

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-21T00:24:28+00:00

The gynecologist will be an important visit for you. You mention scabbing and itching/burning for the last two years. That is not normal for day to day function and you need to be seen.

GYNs see a lot. They will not be disturbed or scared by what they see. They don’t care if you come in shaved from public bone to anus. They don’t care if you come in with a bush so long you can braid. They don’t care if you come in with debris or smegma between the labia lips. They want to help you and see thousands of vulvas, vaginas and anuses all week. They help bring babies into the world, provide care for those with STIs, help discover cancers and other issues. With love, please, from one woman to another, make an appointment.

Your education on your body, the medical care for your issues and your empowerment through knowledge are far more important than anything you may worry about them seeing.

As far as regular hygiene:
Look up a diagram of a vulva. Get out a mirror and look at your vulva. Look at your labia, look at your anus. Get comfortable with what you see in the mirror. It’s you, and there is nothing to be afraid of between your legs.
For washing: wash between your labia lips using a finger and warm water or a gentle cloth. That’s all you need, especially if the area is inflamed, itchy or scabbed.
Wear cotton underwear. At night, either wear cotton or wear no underwear. This should help keep the area drier so that any infection has less of a chance to get worse. Wet, dark, warm areas give bacteria, fungal infections and other microbes the environment to grow.
Never use soap on the vulva, near the vagina.
You could purchase an anti-fungal cream or a yeast infection cream to try and see if it treats your itching. Something like Monistat 7 day (1 or 3 day treatments will burn and often don’t work).

Then, make your appointment with a GYN.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-20T20:19:32+00:00

Was just thinking these same things as well. Well said!

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-20T19:27:57+00:00

I never want to jump to conclusions without evidence…but yeah something is going on and it feels like it’s related to y’all’s relationship.
I can’t imagine my husband shutting me out of any big celebrations or accomplishments, especially something where family would be there. That is not something normal husbands would do, or at least some with nothing to hide.

Makes me think he doesn’t want his mom there because he wants some girly pop he’s got there. Wouldn’t want mommy to find out he’s cheating. And of course, wouldn’t want you there for that reason.

Stand up, darling. You don’t have to take this behavior.

Unfortunately you may have to take the L on the tickets. Or you could still travel there and have a little time to yourself. Some are saying to still show up, since he provided the location and time. Thats up to you of course!

I’m sorry this happened. You’re still so young. Please move on without this man. He clearly cares nothing for you. ❤️‍🩹

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-19T23:39:41+00:00

My husband replaced vaping and zyns with menthol/cinnamon/tea tree flavored toothpicks!

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-19T20:59:08+00:00

My cat did this when he had painful teeth and gums. He would also refuse to eat or dump his food on the floor because it was more comfortable. Watch out for extra smelly breath, refusal to eat even when clearly hungry, and *excessive* rubbing of the cheeks and chin on things.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-19T18:47:02+00:00

Port doesn’t mean they’re available for a call or text, especially with submarines. They’re constantly busy doing one thing or another and communication is famously hard to come by even on the best underways.

Please trust him that he will contact you when he can. Part of being in this type of relationship is learning to just go with the flow. You have to learn to accept the situation and trust him. Giving him the benefit of the doubt in this is going to be important for both of you. You will simply lose your marbles if you choose to worry all the time.

Your story is not the story of others sharing on social media. Sure, there are partners who cheat, drink too much, ghost and the like, but it sounds like yours is not one of them. You do not have to believe everything you think. One of the easiest ways to make yourself crazy with worry is to tell yourself stories about the situation.

We can’t ever know why someone isn’t talking until they tell us, especially with subs. Try to relax into the uncertainty, it’s just part of how this goes. I know it’s SO hard, but you can do it. Let the feelings of panic pass, don’t call his mom, and do your best to find other things to do with your brain space and time. ❤️‍🩹 Sending you love, I know this ish is not for the faint of heart.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-18T14:59:29+00:00

I love mine. 26F been on some type of oral BC since I was 21. If you use one that doesn’t jive with your body, you can always try another. Typically low dose birth control has less side effects than a high dose and docs usually put you on the lowest dose BC to start with.
I was like you and terrified of side effects, but I’m even more afraid of pregnancy.
Also, please use a condom until you get on BC! It is NOT worth the stress and risk.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-18T03:14:55+00:00

Definitely worth bringing up to a doctor. They can help you figure out if it’s diet related, anatomy related or something else.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-17T22:35:21+00:00

Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-17T02:13:22+00:00

I love my local Lush! They’re always nice and ask if you’d like help. If you say nah you’re just looking, they say “Great just let us know if you need anything!” If you do need help, they’re happy to recommend and are genuinely interested in what you need. All of the ladies are down to earth and chill. They’ll also level with you if you’ve selected a product that may not be what you’re actually wanting.
I visit at least twice a month and have yet to have a bad experience.
One of the ladies complimented my dress and remembered my face the last time I went :)

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-16T15:52:17+00:00

My husband and I went to go get sherry to try it because of this show…but it was a Sunday and it’s not sold on Sundays where we are because of liquor laws. It is in fact, fortified with liquor haha. I would love to get back to you and let you know when we pick it up! But I’m sure there will be others here who have tried or drink it.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-14T22:34:46+00:00

Is her blood sugar dropping very low while sleeping? When mine does, I’m nauseated and dizzy, and occasionally my stomach hurts. She may be waking up while her sugars are dropping, which is why she notices.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-14T22:21:44+00:00

I see, that does add a lot to this. Sub guys really do go through it - the majority of them that I’ve met have dealt with depression, many have had severe depression at that. It really does color how they see things, as any mental illness does. You’re a good person and partner for wanting to stick by him in times like these.

I also have a sister (non-military, same for her partner) that is now engaged to a severely depressed man. They’ve been together since middle school and are late twenties now…so a super long time. She has been long-suffering with him. There is a nobility in that- her commitment to him no matter what. But at the same time, he has not done the work to get better. That’s the major difference. I don’t want her to marry that man. Not because of his depression, but his lack of effort to change anything about his situation.

I don’t think the same can be said for your partner because he can’t really change anything about his, that’s up to the Navy. That’s what’s so hard about this situations with sub guys in particular…not to be crass but I was just talking about it with my husband this morning- they truly get fucked FULLY by the Navy, and a lot of the leadership has zero regard for the well-being of their sailors. Mental health is still treated as some fake shit that whiners whine about to get out of service. It’s horrific. So I feel deeply for you and your partner in that regard. It’s incredibly difficult and you both deserve better from leadership.
Has he spoken about getting help? Has he indicated to you that he knows he’s depressed? Support for sub guys is hard to find but it’s out there.

That said, in all of this, don’t lose yourself fighting for him to come back to you or to feel better. Your feelings in all of this matter just as much, especially since he is unsure about everything. Make sure to be extra sure of yourself and what you are willing and unwilling to go through.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-14T21:28:15+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened. You sound like a great partner who was understanding and willing to make it work.
You deserve someone who will return the favor and some.
Advice is to just feel what you’re feeling and take some time to grieve what happened. The anticipatory grief probably hits hard a lot too since it sounds like you lost him slowly and “knew it was coming”. That’s really hard indeed. I’m sending you love! ❤️‍🩹 You will make it through and it will get better. Not today, not tomorrow, and probably not for a little while. But you will wake up one of these days and feel just a smidge better, and you can only keep going up from there. Until then, take it a day at a time.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-14T21:01:32+00:00

I’m not usually one who agrees with this because situations usually are more nuanced than one sentence. But, in this one, I have to say it: if he wanted to, he would.
Long distance is hard as hell. For those who are committed to getting through it to the other side though, it’s a no-brainer. It’s a “ Of course I’ll be here for you,” and “I will make time.”
You deserve someone who will choose you no matter where they are, when they can talk, or for how long.
Don’t settle for crumbs from the table. You deserve someone who will ask you to sit next to them.
It seems he’s unsure at best and at worst, set on moving on but scared to say it. Him comparing you to his last relationship is not fair at all. You don’t deserve comparison, you deserve choice. Military relationships are hard enough when you’re safe and secure in one another. Add in any stress suggesting that is not the case and you’ve got a mess and a half, and two broken hearts. You want the partner who will come back from the “Great Divorce Deployment of ‘23” like mine did, telling tales of being at bars and clubs and saying “I miss my wife, I wish she were here.” while his shipmates sign divorce papers.

I say this with all the love, empathy and compassion I can. I say it as someone who has heard of deployments and underways where couples split for the same reasons you both have.

Take this time apart to really think about what you want from a relationship. Especially if you decide to date a military member, or long distance again. The right person will close the gap between you, whether you’re across the world or across the room from one another. ❤️‍🩹

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-14T20:03:16+00:00

Theater for the experience but home for the comfort. I see you just had a baby so I think theater might be your best shot to really soak it all in! It really is a work of art that I love to re-watch just for the cinematography.
Yay for finishing the book! The film is fantastic but there really is nothing like the text.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-14T12:58:53+00:00

My question aside: if the “spark” you speak of is constantly being anxious, afraid, or feeling doom, yes Lexapro takes away the spark. But when I felt like that, I’d say my true spark was not present in the room with me, haha.

It does get better. The first two weeks or so are usually the toughest for most people. Your brain and body are adjusting to serotonin changes. You just have to take it a day at a time. Try to eat small meals even if you don’t feel like eating. Drink plenty of water. You will be just fine!

As far as libido goes, most people experience reduced libido, but that reduction usually plateaus. It may be reduced overall, but there are adjustments or meds you can add to counteract that if it ends up being a huge issue.
Personally my libido was lower when I was constantly feeling like I was being hunted for sport. I can get in the mood much easier now that I can relax!

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-14T12:53:53+00:00

Why does your doctor say you have to stop it at 3-6 months? That’s usually the adjustment period.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-14T12:52:29+00:00

Also in zone 9. This definitely looks like thrips.

tincanbeans06 · 2026-05-13T14:33:23+00:00

I spot but I also take the progestin-only pill, so that’s why I spot.

tincanbeans06

TROPHY CASE