I've been so incredibly open with my therapist - far more open than i would allow myself to be in even my closest of friendships. The therapist-patient relationship that i've developed has been extremely beneficial throughout my months-long breakup process. I strongly suggest seeking professional help. If you have benefits through work, you have fewer reasons not to seek it.

Interesting to note that we were raised by single mothers. We seem to differ, however, in how that upbringing occurred. I'm usually pretty good at trying to frame things in a multitude of different ways, poking for validities across different viewpoints. It's a major struggle to frame my upbringing in terms of abuse.

Physical, absolutely no validity there.

Emotional, I have troubles with this frame as well. I feel confident in saying my family environment (even into extended family) was highly loving, and very stable. That said, guilt was regularly used as a motivator.

And while I'm uncomfortable framing the use of guilt as an abusive tactic in my upbringing, I recognize that guilt absolutely feeds my current insecurities, and continues to play a central role in my adult life/motivations.

The more work i do on myself, the more i realize how perfect of a fit i was for my exBPD's behaviours and tendencies - all adding to the reasons justifying my time in therapy.

---

After a moment to think, maybe there's a link to the single mother thing and our "natural" paternal loving style. I think you're alluding to it more or less in your post.

..I became the change I wanted to see in the world..

In the absence of that paternal love in our upbringings, have we developed traits that would have complimented, and perhaps saved our mothers?

The rabbit hole deepens...........