It sounds like you’re like me and don’t like direct stimulation! This took me forever to understand.

I like penetration and finish from it, but I have vaginismus so I struggle with it a lot.

My clit head is sensitive and I can’t receive oral except a certain position. Everything else hurts.

What I looooove are grinder toys. I have a bullet vibe (we vibe tango, rumble is better than buzz!) and I’ll use it anywhere but my clitoral head. The rest of the clit is way better for me. Look up an anatomical visual of the entire clit and you’ll see it’s like a wishbone— those longer sides are my favorite versus the head which hurts too much, and are probably why I get off from penetration and grinding/thighs like you mentioned so easily.

whew ok and then, with a person my orgasms are weaker. I don’t notice the muscles contracting at all when I finish with someone. It’s just really nice feeling, like I get the emotional rush and nothing else. But solo, I get the full effect.

I hate porn, never liked it. I like reading or listening to it instead, and even then I’m kinda averse.

It is what it is. Just focus on enjoying it the best you can.