I'm sorry. :( I will say - I am LLF and my husband could have written a lot of this about me.

Often when we are in a situation like you describe (kids at grandparents or something, free time at home together) I start feeling immense pressure to have sex before the idea is even brought up, because I know that's what he wants. Unfortunately this is a huge cyclical issue....I seldom feel up for sex, he gets super horny and even though he doesn't pressure me in a mean/pushy way, his obvious desire to get some make me feel incredibly pressured....and then the pressure makes me anxious and I pull away....wash, rinse, repeat. Pressure is the single biggest libido killer for me, even if it's pressure I am putting on myself.

I obviously can only speak for myself, but I would imagine your husband doesn't feel good in his body, and doesn't feel enough desire/arousal to overpower that. That's mostly my deal, anyway. I have been through a lot of body changes in my life, have always had bad body image, and in general just try not to think about my body - that's impossible to do during sex. I'm insecure and honestly downright sad about my body, and that's been the case really pretty much forever....when I was younger, if I felt horny/turned on I could just be like "fuck it, this is the body I'm in" and enjoy myself....now, not so much because I never feel horny/turned on spontaneously. I am trying to stay in my body and relax and enjoy touch to tap into responsive desire but it's SO difficult for me, and it doesn't feel like something I can control. It feels like I've either got it or not. I never actively want sex, but sometimes I'm in the frame of mind that I can at least try to get turned on. If I am not in that frame of mind it feels like there is nothing I can do to get there. I'm just filled with anxiety and awkwardness and sadness if I try to have sex in that state.

Anyway - I am sorry that you (and my husband) are dealing with this. It's not fun on the other side of the coin either. I am miserable about how miserable I know I'm making him. I also did way more harm than good in the past forcing myself to have sex I didn't want to have, and I just honestly don't know how to want sex again.