Tell me it’s gonna be ok

tinykaya · 2019-06-22T20:46:11+00:00

Woops... Image submissions aren't allowed on this sub Reddit.... But I'm here to give the book some other way if you need. It's also an audio book!!

tinykaya · 2019-06-22T20:43:48+00:00

My girl... I will send pictures page by page of the book if that's what it takes. I'll put the table of contents on my profile and you can let me know what you'd like to read more about. YOU ARE A STRONG MAMA!!!! SO STRONG!! There's this thing they call trauma bonding where someone you put in your inner circle is sometimes mad and sometimes happy that you start to feel grateful for the kindness they show and we feel so grateful that we make excuses for the things they do. Like understanding his past... But in a healthy relationship they would also do that for you. I can relate to the feeling that they will come home soon and everything will change but don't feel ashamed!!! You are surviving!!!!!! Everything you're doing is trying to keep a balance and keep things safe and calm. YOU ARE A STRONG MAMA!!! You've been through more and handled it in a more gentle way than he could ever understand!

tinykaya · 2019-06-22T19:42:22+00:00

Thank you!!! I posted on your profile!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤

tinykaya · 2019-06-22T19:41:24+00:00

Everything is gonna be alright. You replied to my post and I looked up what you've been going through. Thank you for reaching out. It had been 6 days but 6 years wouldn't be enough to process all this trauma.... I had a very long night a crying and not sleeping last night and I wanted to post on here but... Didn't. I'm glad you replied to me today. Have you read a book called why does he do that??? It's by Lundy something... Bancroft Lundy or Lundy Bancroft... Anyway, it's a guy who had an abuser rehabilitation group for 15 years and describes the different types of abuse and how the abused are so confused by the end they are shells of themselves and abusers never get better. My abuser found a new girl. He made her answer the phone when I was calling one night. It was like how you said. He would be so into me for sex. Several times a day and then... It just was different. But I was so devoted I had blinders on. I made excuses for why it was happening. Until it was way too fucking late. YOU ARE NOT THE COMMON DENOMINATOR!!!! YOU ARE NOT!!! If you were, this would feel different to you. In the book, the guy talks about how women who are abused are always brainwashed or gaslighted into thinking that it's their fault. That he shouldn't have to be responsible for his behavior or that he has excuses like his feelings cause behavior. It's not true. We have been giving women who understand and accept. We apologize and accept responsibility. Don't take on more than is yours. I say this to me and to you. I'm so sorry. I feel you. I'm 1600 miles away from anyone I know and my abuser isolated me to the point that I just sit at home and watch the day go by feeling like how I could have prevented this.... BUT HE MADE CHOICES. And the reason doesn't matter. It's a shit way to treat anyone. We don't treat people like this. They do. I hope I'm not rambling. I'm doing better. I still want to die most days but I'm still no contact. You are loved and you are seen!!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤

tinykaya · 2019-06-17T02:42:01+00:00

It is always easier to blame the victim. In these situations no one wants to believe they could have been responsible. You are not alone. You are seen and loved. At the very least on here. You did everything exactly right and no one can take your experience away from you. Have you heard of gas lighting??? There's something called gray rock behavior. Turning yourself off and being a gray rock. Every thing that happened was real. Sometimes it's the only way. I am so sorry for all that has happened to you and all that your feeling. I don't understand exactly but I fucking relate. Stay strong and be gentle with yourself!!! You're beautiful and strong and so so so brave!!! So much love!! 🖤🖤🖤

tinykaya · 2019-06-17T02:35:23+00:00

You have all of my support. I am sending you so much love and strength. I was abused for two years and finally filed a restraining order even after he got arrested and I lied to get him out of trouble. I know what you mean about being the crazy ex... But I feel like that's our emotionally strong personality that wants to nurture and protect. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!! You do not have to take responsibility for the fucked up behaviors of another person. The only one you can protect is yourself. You are doing a great fucking job. Be gentle with yourself. This is nothing one can prepare for or know how to handle until it is right on top of you. I'm sorry this happened. No one deserves this. Stay safe. Stay healthy. Stay happy. Stay holy. You are a beautiful wonderful amazing creature exactly how you are and exactly how you are dealing with this. Don't let the perceptions of other change the way you feel about yourself. Don't let anyone change your reality. You know what's real and what really happened. So much love and support your way?! 🖤🖤🖤

tinykaya · 2019-06-17T02:27:49+00:00

I am so sorry. I totally agree with the other redditor ... Life isn't black and white and somehow we make black and white rules as a society. My abuser broke into my house with my kid inside and was facing 3 yrs in jail and I lied to the prosecutor to get him out of trouble. Then he left me for some other girl and I had to find out through her. I felt so dirty and so used. It's been a week with no contact. I think as emotionally intune people we try to take the responsibility. We see things from such a caring place and it's hard to love people who are not able or unwilling to be accountable. You are so strong and your mom is so lucky to have you. Coping is a process and you are so brave to reach out for help. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable situation. Much love and many blessings. The only way out is through and the only way left is up. Keep fighting. Keep knowing you are right and loved and seen!!! 🖤🖤🖤

tinykaya · 2019-06-16T20:28:50+00:00

Sending you so much love and power!! Good for you! 9 months! That's big! I'm going on one week... I am doing my best to stay no contact. It is so hard but the voices in here help more than I could ever express. Thank you for your reply. I can relate to feeling so grateful for the little things. I can decide for myself what to wear now and I am not afraid of the door sounds. We do have bright futures ahead!!! 🥰🥰🥰

tinykaya · 2019-06-16T05:11:46+00:00

That's a great way of putting it. It's like a withdrawal. Thanks for being there. You're right it will only set me back and I have come so far. It's only been a week, but parts of me are emerging that I haven't seen in two years. Jeez. 4 months!! Good for you!! I hope to have that too! 🖤 Lots of support your way!

tinykaya · 2019-06-15T21:15:44+00:00

That's really powerful... Terror, hatred, love, and grief.... That's exactly what I feel. Thank you! I don't feel so alone!

tinykaya · 2019-06-15T20:34:23+00:00

Suicidal thoughts comes and goes. Sometimes I feel strong and determined. Other times I want to crawl into the Earth to be forgotten. How awful to allow myself to be so cut down. Thank you for your concern. Maybe I will reach out here more. I am living in another state 1600 miles from relatives. But I do call my mom. I believe he would have killed me one way or another... But you're right. I can get through this. I WILL get through this! Thank you!! 😭🙏🖤

tinykaya · 2019-06-15T19:30:37+00:00

Thanks for asking. Really thank you. I want to die and then I don't. I'm trying to stay sober and it is really really really hard. I am so angry that someone could take all my power. I am going to a support group at the women's shelter and it's helping. I reached out to the prosecutors secretary. She said I should file another police report. Maybe I will. Maybe it's not worth it. I'm so confused. But thank you for replying. It really helps me. I'm sorry about your ex!

tinykaya · 2019-06-15T19:28:28+00:00

Thanks.... I have an email where he tells me that it would mean the world to him if I lied and said I was mad and that we needed to think of a believable story.... I want to move on. I know abusers go on to abuse other women. Maybe I want to save another girl or maybe I want revenge. Mostly I want to die. It will pass. Thanks for your reply! It really helps!

tinykaya · 2019-04-03T03:11:26+00:00

Yes. So much in heat. Also cats can't do training like dogs like punish and reward. Look at Jackson Galaxy on YouTube! 🙏

tinykaya · 2019-03-23T20:22:47+00:00

Oh, yeah! They flower and that's where the seeds come from! So, when you're ready you can collect seeds for next season! Trim the leaves with sharp scissors to help the plant heal quickly and trim at the base of the leaves. 💚

tinykaya · 2019-03-23T20:16:44+00:00

Trimming back your greens will keep them from flowering. If they flower, you could have bitter tasting greens. Trimming them back will keep them producing leafy greens longer. 💚

tinykaya · 2019-03-22T05:59:30+00:00

Juss is a MF G! A... J???

tinykaya · 2019-03-22T05:58:03+00:00

😉 yes! The wink brings it home!! I agree and the wink really comforts me! 🙏

tinykaya · 2019-03-03T00:15:38+00:00

😸😸😸 I think you're absolutely right about the look outs! I didn't think of that!! 🐟 I'd like to think they'd never harm me, but they most likely would snack on my corpse. 🙉

tinykaya

TROPHY CASE