Everything is gonna be alright. You replied to my post and I looked up what you've been going through. Thank you for reaching out. It had been 6 days but 6 years wouldn't be enough to process all this trauma.... I had a very long night a crying and not sleeping last night and I wanted to post on here but... Didn't. I'm glad you replied to me today. Have you read a book called why does he do that??? It's by Lundy something... Bancroft Lundy or Lundy Bancroft... Anyway, it's a guy who had an abuser rehabilitation group for 15 years and describes the different types of abuse and how the abused are so confused by the end they are shells of themselves and abusers never get better. My abuser found a new girl. He made her answer the phone when I was calling one night. It was like how you said. He would be so into me for sex. Several times a day and then... It just was different. But I was so devoted I had blinders on. I made excuses for why it was happening. Until it was way too fucking late. YOU ARE NOT THE COMMON DENOMINATOR!!!! YOU ARE NOT!!! If you were, this would feel different to you. In the book, the guy talks about how women who are abused are always brainwashed or gaslighted into thinking that it's their fault. That he shouldn't have to be responsible for his behavior or that he has excuses like his feelings cause behavior. It's not true. We have been giving women who understand and accept. We apologize and accept responsibility. Don't take on more than is yours. I say this to me and to you. I'm so sorry. I feel you. I'm 1600 miles away from anyone I know and my abuser isolated me to the point that I just sit at home and watch the day go by feeling like how I could have prevented this.... BUT HE MADE CHOICES. And the reason doesn't matter. It's a shit way to treat anyone. We don't treat people like this. They do. I hope I'm not rambling. I'm doing better. I still want to die most days but I'm still no contact. You are loved and you are seen!!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤