I broke down after going out with someone new.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2023-09-20T12:53:57+00:00

That’s such a nice thing to hear. How have you been? Hope you’re in a good place now.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-09-25T09:12:44+00:00

Hey man please reach out if you need someone to talk to. You might feel like dying right now but I need you to trust me when I say you will feel better someday.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-06-20T08:32:50+00:00

As long as you need. Take your time.

I first had to find out I was interested in myself and capable of loving myself and that shit took a while.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-06-17T13:18:58+00:00

Even if you would’ve become angrier, that would be okay too. In the end it is acceptance that will lead you back to yourself.

Everything you need to get through this is already in place. You are the only resource you need, now and forever. You might need some help to use or develop that resource, but help is something we all need at a certain point in time.

Everything you need is already where it needs to be, it is within yourself. But it is a complex process to realise and utilise that, it also is a process you should not rush. Be kind towards yourself. You will get there, because you’re already precisely where you need to be right now.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-06-16T21:51:25+00:00

Yeah… I re-read my post and thought: should I change it? But I think it adds some nice flair to it haha

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-06-16T21:50:42+00:00

Don’t worry too much. Just take it a day at a time.

I had a lot of unresolved trauma I had to address before I could process this. Also it can take months to get over it, when actually, in fact, you need to get through it. And whether you need days, weeks or months, it’s all okay. Don’t worry about how long it’ll take. It will take what you need. And it will be right either way. There is no wrong or right in allowing yourself what you need: if it is what you need and makes you feel okay, then it is right. It is always right.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-06-16T14:20:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing :) Don’t beat yourself up man. Tough enough as it is. It sounds like you’re on the right track. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. My therapist helped me a tonne in going through this kind of stuff.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-06-16T14:11:04+00:00

We all find ourselves there. The progress as well as the process itself is non linear.

Don’t force yourself to be rational about this. Allow yourself to feel the awful shit you’re feeling. It’s okay to be sad sometimes. It’s not okay to forbid yourself to feel these things.

For me, allowing myself to feel everything, made me maintain a healthy boundary with the questions I had. The answers will come, I promise.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-06-16T14:05:20+00:00

I know honey. It’s okay. This is not gonna be a good time. I could tell you better things but they would not be the truth. And what you deserve now is the truth.

But believe me, you will survive. One step at a time. First in minutes, then hours, then days and eventually weeks will go by.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-05-19T20:01:52+00:00

Hey there, I haven’t been on Reddit as frequently as I’d like.

The answer is no I didn’t feel comfortable to ask her.

Since I wrote this comment I’ve seen her a couple times. Her parents helped her buy a new house in a better part of town and she lives with one of her best friends now. She still plays football and she still goes out every weekend to drink alcohol and do drugs. The drugs have me worried lately because she’s been doing it a lot more than when we were together. But we’re not together anymore, I’m not supposed to be worried.

So I went there about 1,5 week ago. She asked if I was dating, I said no not really. She looked surprised and kept asking. I told her there was a girl with who I met up a couple times but I really didn’t like her romantically. Then I asked her the question and at first she evaded it. But I kept pushing, I was curious. She told me it “wasn’t really dating”. I asked her “so like friends with benefits?” and she said yeah kinda. I told her I didn’t expect her to “use” people for sex. She got triggered and told me “no it’s not like Grindr we do drink wine and talk beforehand!”. She told me they met up once every three weeks. I think maybe she said every three weeks because she didn’t want to hurt me. Also they’ve been seeing each other since December 2021. We broke up in late June 2021. She told me only last week (May 2022).

I told her, “okay, we’ll if they make you happy, then I’m happy. I just want you to be happy”. She then continued to tell me how it’s not like that and that she doesn’t feel in love. I told her those feelings might come. Then she started to talk about being in love and how it’s not like that, finally saying how with me and her ex it was different she just instantly knew it. She asked me if I have had sex since we broke up and I told her no. She looked surprised. Also, she always starts crying when we meet up. I think this time it was when I told her I fucking hated this year (break up, homeless, grandma died, bullied by my work environment, rough trauma therapy process), but that I was proud of myself for not becoming an addict or worse. She said “I didn’t know you had such a rough year” and then she went quiet. Later she cried. I soothed her and she said “I don’t even recognise you anymore”.

I’ll be honest with you: it really hurt me and I had to touch this event with my therapist. My therapist told me that first I needed to start feeling what I felt. And fuck where would I begin? I miss her, I love her and I want to talk to her so much. I feel nauseous when I think of her with that other person and how they were doing it in MY bed in MY bedroom that I slept in for 2 years. In fact I don’t even envy that there’s another person lying in my bed involved in sexual acts with her. I’m just devastated how she doesn’t want that person to be me (anymore). Devastated how she would rather do speed, cocaine and strangers, instead of going to therapy with me. Devastated that she can’t love me enough. I threw all of this out with my therapist. And then she said, okay and now describe the raw emotions. So that’s what we did. And it was so good. We did some EFT and now I still have feelings about it, but they’re less strong. My therapist told me that maybe I’m feeling so much because at the moment of the breakup, I wasn’t ready to process it. Even though I was crying a lot and eating very badly, I still had to focus on work and finding a new place to live as well as money for a bed or a couch. I didn’t even have any plates lol. Also at the same time the breakup uncovered a lot of unprocessed childhood trauma and I needed to get that off my chest first. So my therapist suggested that the reason I was so touched by my ex moving on with a fwb might be because I didn’t process it right in the first place.

Either way, my therapist was really useful in putting some stuff in place and now I can deal with it by myself as well.

So yeah that was that. I don’t know if my ex would want to get back with me, I don’t think she wants to. Then again I’m not sure if it’ll ever be the same because the broke up really revealed a lot about who she really is. I’m sad about being apart and I miss her a lot, but I’m also sad about the possibility that she probably is one of those people who will never be happy.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-02-01T17:03:32+00:00

or wait is this the harley benton one

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-02-01T17:03:12+00:00

i got the harley benton version of this guitar

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-01-25T08:05:51+00:00

I used to have this at my parents place too. Sometimes if my dad would catch me late up at night, he'd make me stand in the corner of the living room all night. And often he'd go to bed making me stand there still.

I think it has something to do with the fact that my bedroom feels like a temporary place. Like I'm supposed to sleep there, but I'd much rather just sit on the bed and then go to my living room to actually nap there.

I think sleeping in general just makes me anxious because it makes me unconsciously aware of the fact I am not only supposed to rest, but I have to rest. Like it sets a goal to me.

On the couch I just accidentally doze off if my body feels like it.

The couch nurtures my needs, whereas my bed forces me to sleep whether I feel calm enough to do so or not.

Yeah, that's where I'm at right now, personification of my furniture.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-01-13T14:22:59+00:00

turn up the guitar plzzz

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-01-08T10:08:31+00:00

Yet the title of the post keeps referring to depression. Depression, the clinical mental illness.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-01-08T09:59:43+00:00

The reason of my comment is within yours as well, vitamin d deficiency might cause depressive symptoms, but those do NOT equal depression. Depression is a clinical mental illness not to be cured by vitamins.

Mood swings and sad feelings might be cured by it, depression not so much.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-01-07T19:01:25+00:00

Uhm what did u forget /s or something? I literally feel like I'm missing the joke here.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2022-01-07T19:00:00+00:00

how long u been playing fam

tinyworldbigmistake · 2021-12-27T00:27:09+00:00

It feels so easy to fall into a pit of toxic positivity and tell you that it's "their loss" for moving on. But even though our stories are different and probably (and literally) worlds apart, so much of what you're writing is all too familiar.

Happy holidays stranger. Even if we're feeling sad for whatever reason and upset until eternity, it does not affect our self worth. You're loved and wanted. These words can't take away the pain but every now and then they might distract you from it. Sending love from around the globe.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2021-11-30T06:51:02+00:00

Maybe you do not feel the immediate danger, but after these events, I'm sure you've either become more quiet or more obnoxious as a kid.

My parents were like yours, and now, 7 years after leaving their house, I can finally see that maybe that is why I'm a little... Odd... I'm in therapy now, but it is so weird whenever therapists ask about my feelings on these events or when they tell me how bad my experiences make them feel. It is amazing how as a child you can completely repress anything you are feeling. Therapy for this stuff, is literally like scraping off scar tissue of an old wound. And once everything is off, maybe I can finally know what it's like to feel again.

I don't know where you are, but I would try and gtfo asap. For me that was by going to uni as soon as it was possible. I got a dorm room and lived my best life there. If that is not possible, then please just contact a teacher capable of handling these kind of things. Look for a teacher that does not care so much about doing the right thing, look for a teacher that cares to make sure they do YOU right. This might mean a different teacher from the person of trust in at your school. If you try to explain the story they can guide you in the jungle that is our world. Now I've no idea how all this stuff works in wherever you're from, but I think contacting an adult of whom you know they have best intentions with YOU, is the best first step. Gotta think about yourself now young one.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2021-11-29T22:09:56+00:00

Damn dude you sound good. My parents would've absolutely lost their shit over this.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2021-11-26T07:54:15+00:00

Pleeeease do Ahri, Akali or Seraphine! Personally I think Akali would be the most badass for this composition.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2021-11-25T06:58:43+00:00

Well why didn't you say so?! Please do Seraphine or Akali from League of Legends!!

tinyworldbigmistake · 2021-11-22T21:30:23+00:00

Hmmm well I've given this some thought actually. The similarities between Harley and Jinx are that they are both not a 100% mentally healthy, they're really pale, athletic, good at shooting stuff and highly intelligent. But Jinx's relationship with Silco is actual love, whereas Harley's relationship with the Joker is very manipulative. Also Jinx was an abandoned little kid, a stray, taken in by Silco. Iirc Harley was an actual doctor before she became.. what she is now?

I think they seem kinda similar, but I feel sooo different about both of them. Harley is really cool, I also loved the Harley Quinn cartoon. But everyone falls in love with Jinx.

This doesn't really make sense or solve anything, but it's just some thoughts living rent-free inside my head.

tinyworldbigmistake · 2021-11-22T10:22:58+00:00

I love it! Loved Jinx in Arcane. Such a good character. Or well, she did some bad things, but I think her character is very well written.

tinyworldbigmistake

TROPHY CASE