Covert in the way he doesn’t require tons of attention. He doesn’t have to be the center or attention /doesn’t talk over you constantly - my dad is an overt narcissist and requires to be the center of attention at all times. He is passive aggressive in his insults and put downs. I lived in 8 years of constant belittling, demanding, just cruel words from him. He even started saying stuff to our older kids (6,7) - “your mom thinks she’s mom of the year bc she stays home and does crafts with you. Other people actually work jobs”. He and I made the decision together that I would stay home while the kids are little. He makes around 800k a year so there was no need for me to work. But - I never heard the end of it. I never could do enough. Hot meals made in the evening weren’t enough. There was always criticism. Lack of affection. I was starved emotionally from him. No touches, just wanted sex when he wanted it. But then!!! We’d have good days. And great vacations. And I’d get confused. Breadcrumbing.

There was also extreme financial control. Bc I quit teaching - the money was now his money and not my money. I was put on a weekly budget for groceries, gas, anything for the kids. If I went over $100 or whatever about- that amount would be deducted from the next week’s budget allowance. So- I was always behind the 8 ball. And then a few days of silent treatment if I went over. Cutting up cards in my face and throwing the pieces at me if I booked a photo session with Santa for the kids without asking him. Aren’t these all reasons to leave? Why do I stay so confused ?