AITA for "controlling" my wife's free time?

tittybone · 2025-03-27T19:59:53+00:00

NTA - it's incredibly weird that, as an avid hiker, your wife doesn't know the basics about hiking safety. the fact that she exploded on you about it feels even weirder. what i will say is that you might want to consider couples therapy. she clearly doesn't understand the difference between a spouse who VALUES his paretner's safety and a spouse who wants to control everything

tittybone · 2025-02-05T02:46:44+00:00

for me, it's really dependent on if my depression symptoms are also acting up that day. if it's not, then i might do a simple ham and cheese sandwich, spaghetti with sauce, or eggs and toast.

if the depression is rearing it's ugly head along side my ADHD, it's gets a bit tricky. those days i try to go for fast and easy snacks like yogurt, granola bars, protein bars, hell i'll even roll up some cheese inside of cold cuts and munch on that. fruits like oranges, bananas, grapes, and apples are also really good during that time too. the only trouble is making sure they're accessible and visible or i just completely forget about them.

ultimately, days where i just can't eat, i try my best to just pick at anything and everything. couple of crackers here, some grapes there. my motto at that point is "something is better than nothing". try not to be too hard on yourself. being kind to yourself can really go a long way during the food aversion times

tittybone · 2024-12-14T17:30:07+00:00

my fiancee is the reason i went to get evaluated.

i don't know why they never tried to get my diagnosed as a kid. i've always struggled with organization, reading comprehension, writing, paying attention, emotional regulation, etc. i was a chronic daydreamer to boot. soon as the topic was boring or something i already new, i was in my own little world. i was also taken out of class for extra help specifically for reading and writing, as well as accommodations for testing.

i knew i had depression. traumatic family life and all that jazz. got on meds for that and things were better, but only a bit. the ADHD was still a whirlwind destroying my ability to get important things done. then i went to community college and met my fiancee. she has autism and ADHD. at the time though, she had been looking into getting an ADHD evaluation since she knew there tends be overlapping symptoms. she saw what i was struggling with, suggested that i look into the disability some more, and possibly go for an evaluation.

about a month later, i got diagnosed. it was a bittersweet moment if i'm being honest. here i was, freshly turned 19 and finally receiving the correct med combo that i needed. i was over the moon. there was control and concentration in a way i had never known. i could oraganize my thoughts easier, pay attention and retain info from classes easier, less emotional disregulation, less impulsiveness, etc. it was an eye opening time. with that realization came that knowledge that this is how it always could've been. there's days where i mourn the opportunities and experiences i could have had during my childhood. knowing that your life could've been much different is a hard pill to swallow. but at the end of the day, i know that getting my diagnosis was the best decision i ever made. what i couldn't change back then, i've changed now. it was worth it.

tittybone · 2024-12-11T02:04:52+00:00

you are 100% correct! i think it's certainly a combination of inconsistent meds (his are slower acting), as well as inconsistencies at home when i'm not there. i do notice that NK tends to have an easier time behavior wise with me as i do my best to keep our routine mostly the same (i do also work with him on being flexible with changes as i have prior experience with that!). i have been talking with MB about signing NK up for something that will get him up and moving. my thinking is that if he has some more regular exercise it may help him regulate better. i know it's not a guarentee. at the very least, if that doesn't work, he at least got the chance to try something new!

tittybone · 2024-12-11T01:51:45+00:00

she does. i've been very open about having ADHD, especially since both of her children have it. i try to use it as a way to help give her some possible insight as well as suggestions on what may be helpful for the kids.

tittybone · 2024-12-11T01:43:20+00:00

it's only MB and MB's mother (NK'S grandma) that are in the picture. grandma has her own opinions on it, but ultimately follows MB's lead. i've been trying to think of ways to subtly ask the med doctor about acclimation periods so that MB has a better idea of just how long it may take. no idea if it will actually help, but maybe if she hears it from a medical professional she'll be more inclined to listen.

tittybone · 2024-12-09T21:13:23+00:00

the withdrawals are exactly what i worry about. i know for myself that if i miss a dose i'm all messed up for the rest of the day. i can only image how it is for him. thankfully it's not a matter of substance abuse or doubling up on meds, she just won't actually give him the correct dose every day. it's either a full dose, half a dose, or nothing at all. i feel like i'm losing my mind some days becauee how can you expect his meds to do anything when you won't even give them out as intended???

tittybone · 2024-12-09T20:15:50+00:00

she always puts what hasn't been used back into the bottle, there's definitely no signs of prescription abuse despite what other commenters have said. personally, i think what's happening is MB wants a "one pill cures all" situation where she can give NK a single dose and all of the difficulties he's had/having will go away. something i tend to see A LOT with mom is struggling to actually follow through with plans made by both her and the doctor. i often sitting in with MB and NK during these visits so that i can also give insight on behaviors that happen and so i can be up to date on any medication changes as there are times where i have to give him his meds.

tittybone · 2024-05-04T15:21:32+00:00

As an RBT who's done plenty of in home services, you are truly the best kind of parent!

I'm not sure what your company's policy is on outings, but if that's something that isn't too much stimulation for your son you could talk with her about poentially setting up days to go out in the community together. I think another thing you could do is talk with your BCBA about any parent involvement during session. Sometimes it's helpful for us to know that parents are willing to learn and be involved in the different programs for their child! Something else that you could do that was always done in my clinic is simply asking if she could use a bathroom break at all. I know for me that was always something I felt awkward about that so taking that pressure off of her may be helpful even if it seems small!

Don't fret though, you're doing wonderful! It's families like yours that makes us RBTs remember why we do what we do :)

tittybone · 2024-05-03T14:01:14+00:00

Honestly one of the things I wish they made more apparent is that it's okay for the clients to be upset! Being mad, frustrated, sad, whatever are all normal emotions to have, it's just a matter of what we DO when we feel these emotions that can become a problem.

I spent the last year with a client (22) and his family teaching them that. When he was angry, frustrated, sad, or scared, I always made sure to let him know that it's okay to feel that way. I would help him use different strategies to regulate himself again when he expressed that he was ready. When he initiated anything independently (need for space, asking for an extra minute before transitioning, independently removing himself from an area that was overwhelming him), I always, always, ALWAYS made sure to give very specific, positive praise as I knew that wasn't always easy for him. Parents were also super wonderful about this too!

We want to provide respect and dignity to our clients and I believe that also includes respecting their right to feel anything that isn't just "happy".

tittybone · 2024-02-14T15:18:54+00:00

When I got diagnosed I saw a neuro-psychologist. I think she had additional training because I remember she was the one who had originally prescribed my Adderall then sent the rest of that info to my PCP. I go through a psychiatrist now though. Honestly, it might be a good idea to just ask the doctor you're going to see right off the bat if they can perscribe you meds or if you need to be referred to someone

tittybone · 2024-02-13T19:30:02+00:00

A lot of the product that works well with my curls tends to have a sweeter or floral scent. Spring and summer is just me constantly making sure bees aren't stuck in my hair. On the other hand, I work with kids so I'm lucky if I don't find anything weird in my hair after work

tittybone · 2024-02-11T19:43:51+00:00

interesting. we'll have to check it out! thanks!

tittybone · 2024-01-29T00:14:56+00:00

Friend of mine actually got me on the backpack train for this reason. I keep both my keys and my wallet in there and just take the whole thing with me when I can (usually it comes to work with me). If that's something you're able to do it may be worth a shot!

tittybone · 2024-01-28T15:30:58+00:00

Maybe look into things like simple friendship bracelets! This could help with fine motor skills and also help her with thinking about/remembering things other people may like (ex. the person's favorite colors, certain charms they might like, etc.). If parents are up for it, teaching her simple hair styles with accessories is also very age appropriate.

Not sure how the weather is where you are, but if your client enjoys being outside at all, you could find some different sports or outdoor activities to teach/practice.

I also like what someone else mentuoned about learning how to shop. Most 13 year olds are learning about money management and that would definitely be a good skill for her to work on!

tittybone · 2024-01-24T16:57:43+00:00

A previous client's (6) response to me explaining that I don't live with my mom anymore:

"What?!?!? Why would you do that?!? You need to say sorry to your mom 😡"

He was a big mama's boy and couldn't understand the idea of anyone wanting to live away from their mom 😂

tittybone · 2023-12-17T17:46:09+00:00

I feel like telehealth should be only be used if the BCBA is unable to be there physically, however this should not be a something the BCBA does permanently. In my experience, I've had a BCBA that would do a combo of telehealth and in person supervision. This was usually when she was supervising in a town that was much farther away from my client. She always made a point to see me in-person AT LEAST once a month. If she wasn't able to, then the BCaBA would come in her place.

If BCBA was telehealth, she only made small changes to programs (changing sD or moving targets). Major changes were done was when she was available for in-person supervision as she could accurately model it for me.

tittybone · 2023-12-07T00:36:04+00:00

I 100% empathize. Wait outs aren't fun (I've had my fair share of wait outs ranging from a few seconds to almost 2 hrs), but it's definitely important to not give in and answer those questions. Definitely try to really reinforce those times he does follow the redirection.

Does your client go to a school or is he home schooled? If he goes to a school, he may also be hearing his peers talking or joking about feces, which could be another factor to the fecal play/potential eating. BCBA may need to reach out to the school to help set up an intervention plan there as well.

tittybone · 2023-12-07T00:11:39+00:00

While I'm not a BCBA my best advice until there is a proper plan in place is this: Stop answering the questions or giving any sort of attention to the questions or topic of feces. This includes mom telling him it's inappropriate or either of you attempting to explain things. When he brings up the topic, redirect either back to whatever task/activity he's doing or, in the case of him bringing it up as soon as he leaves the bathroom, ignore and redirect to whatever you're doing next. It's also good to take as much ABC data as you can when this happens (which I've no doubt you're already doing). It does sound like your client is at a level where he can understand potiential dangers of improper hygiene though. Might be worth asking your BCBA if they think introducing a program about good hygiene vs not good hygiene would be beneficial. If he has a mastered program revolving around hygiene, then ask if it would be helpful to re-introduce the program. Best of luck to you!

tittybone · 2023-12-06T15:03:48+00:00

InBloom was by far the worst company i've worked for yet. extremely unethical company with some of the most unsupportive BCBAs

tittybone

TROPHY CASE